Back on the horse but terrified.

[Shannon (SingBlueSilver)]

It's my 39th birthday in 14 minutes. I got "Happies" 3 months ago. I never thought I'd be here but who does. I just spent the evening making out with someone brand new. Someone who has all of the qualities I look for. I'm thinking of telling him soon. I need to do this because it'll be the first time to tell and I need to get it over with. I am preparing for the worst. When I first learned the news a few months ago, I was convinced I could only date within the community. Now I do have some hope after talking to people and reading all your posts on this. Birthdays used to make me sad because I look back with negative thoughts. Now I look back and think I had a great life. I'm trying to believe in Adrial's theme: Opportunity. This is my opportunity to grow. The only choice I really have is to take it. The alternative is to die and I don't want do that. So I guess my 39th year will be quite a change but I'm hopeful for the future. And hopeful that this opportunity has caused me to pick better relationships. Cheers!

[mr_hopp]

Congratulations for being back on the horse! Ride it! (Okay, all you perverts, make your innuendo jokes here.) That's exciting! Enjoy it!

 

And I'm glad you're starting to see the opportunity here. The opportunity is you. And what you focus on becomes bigger. And if you plan for the worst, you focus on the worst. What you focus on, the other person feels. If you feel shitty and annoyed and angry and self-pity, the person you're disclosing to will feel the same. Even with me just reading what you wrote about herpes, it sounds scary. It sounds heavy. It sounds like such a downer. It already sounds like you've determined that it's a dealbreaker (even amidst considering it as an actual opportunity).

 

How about switching your focus from herpes to how excited you are about this relationship? If the person knows you and sees you for who you are and you're a good match, then no virus will hold that connection back. Period. So if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. Don't be attached to him saying yes, because either way you'll be okay. Focus on what excites you about going deeper into relationship and connection with this man. The herpes talk doesn't have to be so serious and heavy. It can be a connecting experience if you allow it to be. It's all about what you focus on and how you feel about yourself through the process. I'm proud of you for taking this step toward empowering yourself. I'm proud of you for seeing the opportunity instead of seeing a dead end. Because whether you believe one or the other, you're right either way. Self-fulfilling prophecies are powerful. Good luck SingBlueSilver! And HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I'm glad, too, that it sounds like you've shifted from a birthday meaning a chance to look back at all the things you don't have any more in a negative way to an actual celebration of you and what's possible from here on out. Here's to 39 being an awesome year for you. :) Big hug. Let us know how it goes!

 

P.S. I'm assuming you've already read the ebook on positive herpes disclosure? If not, read it! http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

[Kaande05]

Adrial you are so positive I really hope that one day I will be as optimistic as you when it comes to this! I have been using the deal breaker term a lot lately. Hopefully my involvement in this community will change my mind!