girls that like girls...

[Kanoa]

Hey people... hope everybody's weekend was good! So I've searched through all the topics and haven't found anything on this, which maybe means nobody will be able to help, but I was just wondering if there were any les/bi girls on here and, if so, how H has affected your sex life. I know there's been tons of discussions on how it affects straight sex, how to handle disclosures, prevent transmission, etc., but, it's all a little bit different. I've only been with a guy since getting H-gifted nine months ago, so have been wondering about it lately and would appreciate hearing anybody's experiences :)

[WCSDancer2010]

@Kanoa -

 

I can't speak from that side of the spectrum (the only time my inner lesbian comes out is on the dance floor when I'm leading... go figure :p ) but I do know that there IS still risk of passing the virus on through grinding and such. Your risk will be lower in general but it is still there. I personally would use anti-virals in any relationship with a H- person. At least with a strap-on (if you use one) you should be safer than heterosexual sex ... just make sure you don't swap roles without thoroughly cleaning everything. ;)

[sweetfemme]

Hey Kanoa!

 

Well I am a lesbian and h is very tricky for us because we do different things that straight people may not do or may not do as often. Herpes can spread to different areas of the body and although this is rare, we can get h on our fingers and hands which can increase when we use them during sex which I recommend using latex gloves or latex-free gloves if your partner is allergic.

 

Tribbing can be difficult (scissoring) because there is no way that we know of how to protect from vagina grinding. I would only do this is your partner already has h because any methods I can think of would just crumple up and be useless. If your partner already has it though I would be less worried.

 

Dental Dams are good if you can afford them. They are impossible to find where I live so you order them online, grab some at sexual health events or you can use saran wrap. I personally find it awkward using saran wrap when I first meet somebody but when you have been with somebody for awhile it's all good hah. Be careful with 69ing because your face has contact with the skin in areas that dams or wrap may not cover and you can spread it onto your face if you are not careful.

 

Strap ons are great! Make sure that toys are designated to a certain person. For example this harness is only for Monica to use on Leanne with this dildo. This can decrease the chance for transmission. Also the harness is a great barrier for the surrounding vaginal area of the receiver and the pelvic area of the giver. Always clean everything afterwards! Also use condoms on the dildos too. Good habit.

 

I find privacy difficult in the lesbian community because we tend to all hang around with each other and secrets are passed along. For example let's say Miranda has h and starts dating Bianca and discloses her h to her. Then Miranda and Bianca break up and Miranda later starts dating Bianca's ex-partner Veronica and they are still close friends. Well maybe Miranda wanted to wait to tell Veronica about h however Bianca tells Veronica that Miranda has h before Miranda had the chance to tell her. If Miranda and Bianca were on good terms this may or may not happen but if they are on bad terms you bet there is a high chance of Bianca telling Veronica about it. This has never happened to me personally but I have seen it happen (btw all the names were ones I made up).

 

What I find extremely difficult gay or straight, people expect sex very early on in a relationship, even before they fall in love. This never sounded funny to me before h but after getting h it changed my perspective on love and sex. My preference is to wait at least 4 months before telling a partner about h, and after then we can talk about sex if they are still interested in a relationship. My body my rules as I like to say it.

 

Since I live in a small city in the maritimes in Canada there are few partners to begin with. So even trying out dating websites for h is impossible because nobody signs up for them. There are some unique challenges that lesbians face and some bisexuals. Honestly I haven't quite mastered anything I am still struggling myself but I hope my experience gives you an idea!

[WCSDancer2010]

What I find extremely difficult gay or straight, people expect sex very early on in a relationship, even before they fall in love. This never sounded funny to me before h but after getting h it changed my perspective on love and sex.

 

So true :)

[Kanoa]

thanks for sharing @sweetfemme, that's helpful... also I've got to say, I'm amazed that you wait four months to have the talk... I've never been with anyone, guy or girl, that would be willing to wait that long for sex. You're right that people expect sex very early on in a relationship, which I guess years ago used to bother me, but gradually I accepted as normal, because... that's just how it is. Several months ago I read something by an author who suggested waiting 30 days to have sex. At the time, I felt like that was a LONG time and wasn't sure how I would meet anyone that would be okay with that. Then my therapist suggested 3 months, which seemed even more crazy and unimaginable to me, but I decided to try it next time I start dating someone because I can see there being a LOT of positives to it... including it being a good way to weed out ppl that just want to sleep with you.... kind of like herpes is :) But, four months... How do you do it? And have you ever had anyone be upset that you waited so long to tell them?