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In need of advice and answers

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I was diagnosed 3 weeks ago. Last June I poked myself trying to trim my "hair" and I got an awful looking something down there and I went to an OB and she just brushed it under the rug and said it just looked like and infection to her. She didn't bother to test me and just sent me out the door with some pills to take for a Yeast Infection. It cleared up in a couple of days but 3 weeks ago I got a bump in the same spot and became very painful. I have been married for 14 years, and to my knowledge I have never had an STD. I have been with my husband since High School. Married him right after and got a separation 7 months later. It was me whom caused the separation due to my stupidity.... Long story short I was not faithful. I was having a lot of family problems when all of this took place. My mom was fighting Cancer and I think it just pushed me over the edge. Eventually my husband and I got back together. It has been a really rough road these past 14 years but I have been faithful to him the whole time. We now have 4 kids and have been very happy. So my problem is I was not a good person in the past and he still has a hard time with it from time to time. I have not yet told him I was tested for my last outbreak and was tested positive for Type 2. I feel like he will accuse me of cheating and he will leave me. Can it be possible that I contracted it 16 years ago and it is now making its appearance? Is this possible for it to be dormant this long without any sores or any symptoms??

My biggest fear is that I have had it this whole time unknowingly and have given it to him. I have had cold sores my whole life from about age 8 on my lips and I have been very carful to not preform oral on him when they are blisters and pop.

My new OB that tested me said that she thinks I have had it for a really long time because this last outbreak was so mild and only lasted about a week.

How do I tell my husband without him accusing??? He has been very faithful to me even during my crazy days so I don't believe he has stepped out and got it and gave it to me. I really need some guidance. I have been beyond stressed about telling him and worried he is going to get it if he hasn't already.

Sorry for the long post but I haven't told anybody due to fear of rejection. Any advice would be much appreciated.

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It's hard to say how he will react to it. The best thing to do though is to be honest about what you think happened. I am unsure if you can carry it in your system for that long without symptoms, I am not very knowledgeable on h. I guess setting your partner down and explaining everything is the best thing at this point and all you can do is hope he will be understanding and not accuse you of additional cheating. I would encourage him to get tested (blood test) for sure. If anything happens, all of us are here for you. Let him know you love him and tell him your fears and everything you feel, he is your husband right? With everything that happened in the past between the two of you, I am sure you can get through this one.

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First - Welcome Jean ... glad you found us! You have found a great place to help you through this.


I have a client who found out after 32 years of marriage that she had HSV2 ... unless her hubby is lying (he says he was tested after but she never saw it - I have to say I am a *little* suspicious that he already had it...very possibly from before they got married) she therefore carried if for at least 34 years.... what she did is have her hubby go with her to the OBGYN so that the Dr could explain how she could have carried it all that time without a sign. I think that this may be your best bet - let HER explain how the virus works for you....


It's certainly possible that you could have carried this for years. Assuming you were both not virgins when you got married, either of you could have brought it to the marriage (ie, he could be carrying it too) and you may never know exactly when/how you got it. As @sweetfemme said, hubby should probably be tested too - if he also has it, then sex won't be an issue. If not, you should probably get on anti-virals at least until you work out your personal stuff.


We are hear to help you through this... (((HUGS))) my friend :)

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  • 1 month later...

I am back and need advice more than ever. I don't know how to say this so I'm just going to say it. I hid that I had a positive hsv 2 in February from my husband due to the fact that we have had a very rocky past due to my mistakes. He is now having a ob and I told him it was hsv and that he got it from me. We are now going through the " where did it come from and what aren't you telling me" stage right now. He doesn't believe me that I picked it up years ago, without any symptoms other than the cold sores I have had my whole life on my lip. He thinks its something new to both of us because we have been together going on 20 years and he is "now" getting them. How do I tell him that it IS possible to have it for so long and not show signs of it or have ob? I keep telling him that you " CAN " be asymptomatic for years and may never have an ob.

I am really heartbroken that he did get it from me, from my own stupid mistakes.

Is it a good idea to have my kids tested for it?

Any advice on how to go about this?


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I would take him to your OBGYN and have them explain to him that you can INDEED carry it for many years and not know. I have a massage client who had her first OB after 30 years of marriage and it was the OBGYN that helped to calm her hubby down so he stopped accusing her of being unfaithful. Call your DR/nurse practitioner, explain the situation to them and ask them for a consult so they can explain it to him. He's more likely in the state he's in to believe it from a professional.


And don't worry about your kids. You have to have full on skin to skin contact for them to get it from you. It's possible they may get HSV1 oral from you because of the cold sores but just be as cautious as you can if you think you may have a sore coming up and don't kiss them with an OB (I do cheek kisses on the opposite side from the OB and they never know I'm doing anything different). 60% of kids get H1oral by young adulthood ... mostly because someone who doesn't know they have it or that it's contagious passes it to them unwittingly. You know your risk and you know not to share anything with an OB.... and I'll be honest, I doubt the Dr would want to traumatize them with a blood test even if you asked for it.


Honey - your past is your past. Yes, it may be biting you now with the OB's and such but it's just life... and right now you just need to get your hubby to someone he will listen to and it's unlikely to be you at the moment... so concentrate on that and hopefully he will listen to them ;)



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Well, stop beating yourself up - you didn't know you had it until recently and odds are when you had your OB that is when he got it.... so you didn't know.... all you can do is deal with it now. The one *good* thing (and I say this as a "look on the bright side" type situation) is that if you ride this out, you won't have to worry constantly about him getting it ... I know you wouldn't have wanted it this way but at this point it is what it is....


(((HUGS))) and good luck ... let us know how the appointment goes.

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