Hard time coping with herpes and weight

[Kaande05]

This december will be the 4 year anniversary of when I found out I has hsv2. I just seperated with my boyfriend of 3.5 years and we have a 2 year old son.

 

Anyways i just feel like I have so much going in right now and it's hard to cope with any of it.

 

I feel like because I met my ex 2 months after my diagnosis I didn't have the time to fully accept myself with herpes. And now it's all coming up because I am alone. We had a good relationship for about the first 11 months and then it all went down hill and I know now I stayed because I didnt want to be alone with herpes and because of my son.

 

I let him tear me down to a point where I was so desperate to be with him even when he was verbally and emotionally abusive. He would call me names and tell me he hated me and even told me he wasn't attracted to me and just couldn't have sex with me.... Because of my weight, not herpes! (so yet another thing to be self conscious about) which was ok I guess but we were supposed to love each other no matter what and I felt so hurt by the way he said this. I found myself going down a life path I didn't want! I even went to school for a profession I absolutely hated because anything else was lesser to him.

 

I found out he was cheating on me and althought I don't think it was physically I'm completely a believer in emotional cheating.

 

Anyways now with school, being a full time mom who had no where to go, dealing with ex drama and custody, and dealing with all these self esteem issues like weight and herpes it's really difficult to see a positive future lately.

 

So I guess I'm wondering if any of you have advice for getting over a breakup and thru stress and I wonder if every time I break up with someone this herpes deal is going to keep bringing me down to where emotionally I feel like I'm back at the day I found out I was diagnosed!

 

Sorry this is do lengthy but this is the best herpes support forum I have come across.

 

Thanks!

[lelani]

Kaandee you deserve a medal for being brave enough to let go of a destructive relationship. And good on you for recognising the why's of your choices and wanting to improve things for you and your little boy. I went through the same...left my husband, pregnant and with a 4 year old, trying to study, feeling awful about my future.

 

I decided to get priorities sorted...first I had to be healthy so I changed my diet and excercised every day (figured I had control over that one). I put my children first in everything, and no matter how painful every custody decision was I made thieir best interest my priority (a heap of compromise and sucking it in on my part!!!!). I couldn't cope with study having two little ones (and no car) so I put that on hold for a while (grieved alot about that but looking back it sent me on a whole new and better journey).

 

H is a small part of what you are going through right now so put in in the back seat. Don't even think about another relationship, you don't need it right now. Savour this time with your child becasue you don't get it back again. Some of my most special times were alone with my kids, loving them without distraction and my way.

 

If you are still studying something you hate STOP! Find something you love...its all about you now and don't waste your life doing something you hate. And as for future relationships...honestly so many things can be deal breakers and H is only one. I have had relationships end because of distance, and ex coming back on the scene, cheating...each one had made me stronger and more independent.

 

So get fit, do something you love and focus on your son...everthing will work out. As for the ex...be thankful its over and you can create your own positive future. :-)

 

 

[Kaande05]

Thanks so much for your response! I've been working out and trying to eat better. Lately I've had to force myself to eat because I'm so sick to my ago

Ach over this whole ordeal!

 

I'm sucking things up today so my son can see his dad. I'll be supervising their visits until he decides to take me to court! I think it's ok since I'm past wanting to punch him.... Haha.

Things are getting easier by the day and slowly things are already falling into place.

 

Thanks again!

[GreenEyes727]

Kaande05,

 

I'm sorry you are going through so much. Try to concentrate on being a good mom, taking good care of yourself and your son, and finding the right career path for yourself. You have already started eating better and working out so kudos to you! Venting here is great therapy too!