First positive experience today- and a little smile

[OutOfWit]

Hi everyone- so after being semi-sure I had herpes all along my doctor finally diagnosed it yesterday. I sat in the parking lot and cried hysterically for about 20 minutes, came home and let my daughter watch tv while I wallowed in self pity and sat online reading forums. And today I went to work (I am a nurse) and tried to take care of my patients all the while thinking about herpes.

 

Most of the time I spent wondering how I got this disease. Or I should say when I contracted it genitally. I suffer from cold sores all my life. I have been with 2 men in the last ten years my daughters father and my current fiancée. Neither of them have it and both test negative for type 2. I also test negative for type 2 as well so we are assuming it is hsv1.

Anyway I thought so hard I made my head spin. I had some symptoms right before I was pregnant just itching and discharge so did I have it even then and not know it- or it is more possible I contracted it through oral- my fiancée is a superstar at that.

 

I guess it really doesn't matter in the end. I am trying not to run circles around something that will always be a mystery. I am trying not to think I'm a dirty skank. Yesterday I didn't think it was possible to smile. But I did today. I was reading posts from Herrytheherp

During my lunch break because he may be the most optimistic hilarious person I have ever not-met

As well as all the other comments received by all of you. The most caring strong group of people! Thank you for semi- pulling me out of my funk.

 

[Amillionthings]

Glad you could smile through it :)...I did the whole crying in the car thing too. A few times! ;) ...you have your fiance and daughter and this lovely forum and you are a nurse...which means youre always helping people....lovely :)...hope you feel better soon...and everyone is here when you're in a funk and need support :) x

[OutOfWit]

Thank you so much. I have gotten so much comfort from this forum already ! I guess we all go through these feelings. It's really not the herpes we have to accept- it's ourselves right?

[OutOfWit]

Just to add... A funny thing happened during this whole process. When I first said genital herpes my fiancée face looked disgusted and I felt horrible. Being a nurse I did the whole education thing and after about a night of it sinking in.... I come he from work and he says to me "I was thinking.... What's the big deal. It's a cold sore right? Except down there" amazing. I only wonder if the world would also change with proper education.

[Amillionthings]

I think...to accept yourself...it means you need to accept herpes. I struggle, others dont...others struggle less. We're all unique and find our ways to cope. And youre welcome...support is always here when you need it :) ... i always log on and read the posts....reminds you, you're really not alone and it feels nice to interact in a space you can be so open and honest, with no judgement and shame :)....be great if more people in this world would be more like everyone on here hey :) lovely bunch of people. Hope youre doing ok? :) x

[Amillionthings]

Aww good for you :)....that is pretty much what it is. Stigma is unfortunately the real disease when it comes to genital herpes :( .....education is key! Totally agree! God had i have know about H ...i wouldnt have it! ...unfortunately people will always judge. But we can be proud that we dont :)

[WCSDancer2010]

Glad you are having a better day... it's not usual for anyone to get HSV1 genitally if they have it orally already but it's not unheard of...did the Dr swab it?

 

I would want to get a definite type diagnosis if you can... just to be sure..and get the BF tested for type 1... but that's just me... I like to know what I am working with for anything ;)

 

And yes - it's amazing when people "get it" that it's a cold sore in an awkward place :p

[WCSDancer2010]

Oh - and Herry is AWESOME... missed him here lately as he was moving and has been occupied... so glad he seems to be back on here... he brings the levity we all need on here ;)

[OutOfWit]

Wcsdancer they always come back negative for cultures because usually they are papercut type sores, or not enough virus in the sample I guess to show up. This sore was the first one to present as typical herpes so I won't get the results back yet.

[havefaith427]

I was diagnosed last Monday... And boy was I a mess!!! I work in the medical building that I was diagnosed in!!! Yes, so ALL my co workers can go into my chart and see this... Terrible. I'm sure they all did too, because I left out of there in tears. I sat in my car and screamed!!! I cried for a long time, and so do every now and then. My bf never was tested for it so I'm not sure where I got this from. But he was actually ok with it. When I went to see him this last weekend (he is in the navy and stationed 4.5 hours away) he just held me while I bawled my eyes out lol. Ugh its a struggle to deal with this but I have heard it gets easier with time. Good luck!!!