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First positive experience today- and a little smile

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Hi everyone- so after being semi-sure I had herpes all along my doctor finally diagnosed it yesterday. I sat in the parking lot and cried hysterically for about 20 minutes, came home and let my daughter watch tv while I wallowed in self pity and sat online reading forums. And today I went to work (I am a nurse) and tried to take care of my patients all the while thinking about herpes.


Most of the time I spent wondering how I got this disease. Or I should say when I contracted it genitally. I suffer from cold sores all my life. I have been with 2 men in the last ten years my daughters father and my current fiancée. Neither of them have it and both test negative for type 2. I also test negative for type 2 as well so we are assuming it is hsv1.

Anyway I thought so hard I made my head spin. I had some symptoms right before I was pregnant just itching and discharge so did I have it even then and not know it- or it is more possible I contracted it through oral- my fiancée is a superstar at that.


I guess it really doesn't matter in the end. I am trying not to run circles around something that will always be a mystery. I am trying not to think I'm a dirty skank. Yesterday I didn't think it was possible to smile. But I did today. I was reading posts from Herrytheherp

During my lunch break because he may be the most optimistic hilarious person I have ever not-met

As well as all the other comments received by all of you. The most caring strong group of people! Thank you for semi- pulling me out of my funk.


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Glad you could smile through it :)...I did the whole crying in the car thing too. A few times! ;) ...you have your fiance and daughter and this lovely forum and you are a nurse...which means youre always helping people....lovely :)...hope you feel better soon...and everyone is here when you're in a funk and need support :) x

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Just to add... A funny thing happened during this whole process. When I first said genital herpes my fiancée face looked disgusted and I felt horrible. Being a nurse I did the whole education thing and after about a night of it sinking in.... I come he from work and he says to me "I was thinking.... What's the big deal. It's a cold sore right? Except down there" amazing. I only wonder if the world would also change with proper education.

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I think...to accept yourself...it means you need to accept herpes. I struggle, others dont...others struggle less. We're all unique and find our ways to cope. And youre welcome...support is always here when you need it :) ... i always log on and read the posts....reminds you, you're really not alone and it feels nice to interact in a space you can be so open and honest, with no judgement and shame :)....be great if more people in this world would be more like everyone on here hey :) lovely bunch of people. Hope youre doing ok? :) x

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Glad you are having a better day... it's not usual for anyone to get HSV1 genitally if they have it orally already but it's not unheard of...did the Dr swab it?


I would want to get a definite type diagnosis if you can... just to be sure..and get the BF tested for type 1... but that's just me... I like to know what I am working with for anything ;)


And yes - it's amazing when people "get it" that it's a cold sore in an awkward place :p

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Wcsdancer they always come back negative for cultures because usually they are papercut type sores, or not enough virus in the sample I guess to show up. This sore was the first one to present as typical herpes so I won't get the results back yet.

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I was diagnosed last Monday... And boy was I a mess!!! I work in the medical building that I was diagnosed in!!! Yes, so ALL my co workers can go into my chart and see this... Terrible. I'm sure they all did too, because I left out of there in tears. I sat in my car and screamed!!! I cried for a long time, and so do every now and then. My bf never was tested for it so I'm not sure where I got this from. But he was actually ok with it. When I went to see him this last weekend (he is in the navy and stationed 4.5 hours away) he just held me while I bawled my eyes out lol. Ugh its a struggle to deal with this but I have heard it gets easier with time. Good luck!!!

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