Looking for wisdom

[Support_grl]

Hi there,

I am hoping you can offer some pearls of wisdom. A family member has just told me they have been diagnosed with hsv. I have been asked to keep this secret. I am so sad and worried for my loved one (I'll call them LO). Mostly I am worried about their emotional state. I can't imagine what LO is feeling.

 

I don't know what to do. Do I talk to them about it more? Ask questions? Wait until it's brought up again. Obviously I have lots of questions but don't want to badger or stress them out. I have tried reading up a bit online and I think things are becoming clearer. I just don't want LO to feel ashamed or alone. I want to be the best I can be to support them. Since we live in different towns hours apart I can't go and hug them and personally say that it doesn't matter. I did say that I would be there for LO always.

 

I don't want to post much details of who I am or who my loved one is just in case they pop in here. I hope they do, you folks seem wise and kind.

Thanks for your time.

[Sparklepony]

Personally I like that the few people I have chose to tell didn't treat me any different, that's probably the biggest thing for me. They listen when I bring it up and if my mood is anger then they rant along with me, if I'm feeling like this is a chance to better myself then they cheer me on. Fortunately they are both understanding enough to know that people go through the motions when adjusting to having hsv and they allow me to do it without question. I would just wait for your loved one to bring it up and then follow their mood, be what they need you to be at the time. It helps a lot knowing someone is sad, angry, optimistic right along with you.

[WCSDancer2010]

@Support_grl

 

First - Welcome! And what a beautiful thing you are doing, especially coming here to find out how you can help.

 

So, hopefully you have figured out with your research that Herpes is much more of an emotional issue (thanks to the stigma) than a physical one for most folks. Letting them know that you don't buy into the stigma and that you get that its just a crappy rash in an inconvenient place is a great place to start.

 

Otherwise, let them know you found this place and direct them here... knowing they are not alone is a HUGE help for most when they are first diagnosed :)

[Support_grl]

Thanks so much guys.

 

I wish there was more information circulating in pop culture to show that hsv isn't so scary. Mean really we all have viruses that stick with us and other problems, right?

 

I was diagnosed with depression a few years ago and was shocked at the stigma of that. It also is so common. Thankfully my family member treated me just the same. <3

[Peachyogurtisawesome]

Love is the best support you can give them and you can show how much you love them with words as well as actions. Don't bring it up often. Most people if they want to talk about it they will. Just simply tell them you're there for them. they're still the same person you thought they were yesterday. I've also delt with depression as well and i know you will recall its nothing worse than a well meaning friend telling you who has absolutely no idea what you're going through saying they understan. Just by simply saying i may never understand what you're going rhrough or how hurt you may be right now but i love you and I'm here for yoh always. Those words can have as much power as a loving hug for a person. I don't know what personality type your family member may be but i have a hot headed temper. I'm usually coll and calm for the mostvpaet but when i lose it i just snap and lash out. i have lashed out at a person i have loved over this sitution due to paranoia and fear from hsv. Truly lovinh someone means loving them even when you see how ugly that person really can be. I can't tell you how much it meant to me for my frienf that i had a completely inappropriate and uncalled for bitch fit on when i apologized was not to accept the apology coldly or try to ignore me which i would have considerd justified. instead she said i know you're goin through a lot and have a lot on your mind. i still love you. Everythings ok with us. and when she said that i realized just how deep and how true our friendship ran. Now I'm not saying if your loved one becomes chronicaly agressive and verballt abusive to accept it. thhey will need professional help more than likely if they do that and you don't have to put up with it. but if you can love and understand that sometimes people lash out in amanger and frustration. probably like you did in depression somettimfs cuz i know i did you will be such a light and guiding spirit in your loved ones life while they are trying to figure all this out. good luck and its a great thing you're doing.

[WCSDancer2010]

We are working behind the scenes here to change it, but you are right - just no good information out there about STD's in general...

 

Until we all start having Adult conversations about it, it won't change ... :(

[alex08]

I have only told 2 people. I'll give the example of my mum. I had to tell her for practical reasons (I was 17 and needed a lift to the GUM. clinic). She avoids it at all costs. I mean she never made me feel bad about it but she never offered to talk about how I was feeling. I could tell she was ashamed and a little grossed out. In 8 years she only asked me if it ever came back once and seemed shocked that I hadn't told her when it did. Lesson to be learned, be there for LO. and let them know they can call you if it gets too much

It is amazing that you care so much.