2012, Bite my words!

[NotAlone (previously Alone]

Desember 2011 i tould my best friend; "the year of 2012 is going to be the best time of our 25 year long life, let's leave 2011 and look ahead!" This afte a year of struggeling in a new city, new school, new people, my best friend getting raped.. everything! And so it began. January went by and February came.. I suspected that something whas wrong, so i went to my doctor. Two weeks went by, and then I got the message, Herpes! My first thought.. no, it's not!!?? My second thought... NOOOOO!!!

I didn't know anyone in my shoes, no one to talk to, i felt all alone in the capital of Norway, eaven thoug I lived with two other people.

 

The first person i told it to was her. We sort of could relate to each other in some way, and she has been an amazing shoulder for me to lean on. Sadly i had to leave her behind when i moved up north to change school. Now im here again, alone... I have had five brakeout's since february, but i have to say, they are not to bad. The worst about it lies in my head.

 

This week I'm having a bad week, maby due to the reason that I'm having a miner outbrake. My thought's are getting the best of me and has been riding wild all day. My focus at school has been constantly ripped away by my loud, beating heart and heavy breathing.

 

Today i told my friend again: "if I could I would turn back the time, one year, without eaven blinking!" So, about one hour ago I started thinking, rather then sitting here feeling all alone and sorry for my self, I needed to find someone to talk to. Not for pitty, not for consolation that most likely would make me cry anyway, but just someone to talk to that is wearing the same shoes. So yes, I'm 25 years old, from Norway, diagnosed with herpes 2, and desperatly in need of talking about it.

 

I hope i finally have found that place, and that I maby can find some way of not lookin at this as a life sentence of unhappines.

 

And last but not least, please excuse my English, it is not my first language.

Thank You :)

 

 

[Scornedvillager]

Life sentence of unhappiness! I thought about it that way at first and I sometimes still do. You must understand that with herpes, the only enemy is yourself. You've come to the right place.

Herpes is like any other virus, except society doesn't accept it as something to pity or a reason to feel remorse because the sigma is "you brought it upon yourself".

 

You need to stop where you are and take a deep breath. Things happen and they aren't always desirable or repairable. Next, be thankful. You don't have cancer. You don't have a death sentence. Its just a few lesions that pop up every few months. After that, remind yourself of your accomplishments: school, work, friends. Think about the people that LOVE you, that would say "i don't care if you have herpes, you're still an amazing friend/son/daughter/sister/brother." because those are the opinions that matter. Lastly and most important, your symptoms will die down. The first year or so is always the worst. I've had frequent out breaks over the past 8 months. You're fighting something you can't change and a battle against yourself is a battle that has no winners. Soon you will learn to live with it and get to know yourself, sometimes herpes can be a good thing.

Much love, you'll be fine! I mean, hey, look at us. We are! We all just need a little support sometime.

[NotAlone (previously Alone]

Thank you Scornedvillager for you're comment.

I know all to well that what you are saying is so true, and i do often stop an say to my self, it could have been worse, i could be dying, but I'm not. I still search the web for news about the topic, hopeing that maby some day it will be possible to cure this, but deep down I know it will not. I'm in the phase of axepting, and i think everybody needs to go trough it. I now live in a small town where roomers and prejudice occurs so fast. I do not allow my self to tell anyone. If so, all of the sudden everybody knows and im THAT girl. It's a new, scary world which I need to learn how to live in. So thank you for this.

 

After writing this i descided to go for a run, the mile went by so fast. I felt light as a feather, like a weight had lifted of me. I am so glad i descided to sign in here, and I'm looking forword to talking to people and share my ups and downs with.

[Kaande05]

I too am 25 but have had h for almost 4 years. When I first found out it was a month before finals and needless to say I had to repeat the whole semester because I was too depressed to concentrate on school! But I urge u to put that energy of being sad, frustrated, depressed or what have you, and turn it into a motivator to get your school work done!

 

I think I read something on here once that basically said to make every other part of you amazing, whether it be your career, your heart, looks, or whatnot, so that herpes is just a tiny piece of you! Everyone has their faults. If the only one you have is just a silly skin condition then your better off then a lot of people!

[lelani]

What great posts SVilliager and Kaande...Alone I think you need to change your name to NotAlone;-). You really aren't, you are just feeling isolated with H and we are all here for you!

 

It's not a life sentence...just an annoying skin condition that makes you deal with all the negative things you think about yourself, pushes you to live with honesty and integrity and to take care of your health. The life sentence is if you make it bigger than it is and live with fear about it, about telling people important to you and being rejected.

 

I chose to be with a man with H and have not regreted it depsite the hassles. It's made me live more authenticly and H sorts out those I don't wish to spend time with from those worthy of my frienship and love.

 

It is a new world and you will learn its not scary and that there are amazing people out there..like all of us ;-). Like Kaande says..make every other part of you amazing - such a great line!!!

 

 

[NotAlone (previously Alone]

Thank you all for commenting:)

waking up to this is going to make my day, I'm sure. Sounds so much better when you say "just a skin condition", hope i some day can see it that way too! Like i said, it still havent sunk inn just yet.

 

Anyway, i feel allot better today :) spent the night at a good friend which i told why i was sad, and he just layed and talked to me all evening, and told me it's not that bad, it's not the end of the world..

And you guys are amazing! :)

 

Now, I'm of to school, have a nice day everybody :) Looking forword to signing in here later and checking the sight out some more :)