Feeling lost and confused. Guilty and worthless. HELP

[Jean]

Ok Its time to come clean. I posted a while back that I have been with my husband going on 15 years and have been totally faithful to him up until about 2 years ago. I got a new job after being a at home mom for 10 years met a younger guy gave him oral twice and received nothing back. 1 year ago poked myself with some scissors trimming and got a nasty looking something down there. Long story short February of this year got another bump went and had it tested and it came back as hsv 2.

I am going crazy trying to figure out where this came from on top of the stress, anxiety, anger, and depression, and worse of all divorce . My husband doesn't believe me that I didn't have intercourse with anybody but I have not, I just gave oral. My husband has now got it but has not been tested if its 1 or 2.

My questions is how likely is it to have gotten hsv2 just from oral. 15 years ago before I married my husband now, I was not carful sexually and was wondering if I have had it from 15 years ago and its now showing up or could I have gotten it from giving oral? I do have cold sores on my lips all the time and have had them since I was a little girl.

 

[willow]

Hi jean!

Chances are u or ur hubby had it from before... or maybe he himself has been unfaithfull? U can go years without any symptons...

u should read Adrial's posts on the faq's and his recent videos...

if u performed oral on this guy.. there is NO way u contracted it genitally. Its skin to skin contact, the only other way of contracting hsv would be if u were born with it..

hope this helps a bit?

xox

[WCSDancer2010]

@Jean

 

As @Willow said... there is absolutely no way you got genital herpes from oral sex... if anything, the guy you gave the oral to was at risk for getting HSV1 genitally from you given you have HSV1 oral and you said you get frequent OB's.

 

So do you know if your hubby has HSV1 oral? If not, it's entirely possible you gave him HSV1 with oral sex. Its also entirely possible that you had HSV2 genitally all this time without symptoms ... I have a client who had her first OB after 30 years of marriage. We had another on here with the same experience.

 

He won't believe you but perhaps you can either get him on here or get him to go to your OBGYN with you to have them explain that it it's entirely possible that you had it all this time without any signs...

 

Also, you can give him this link ... Adrials youtube video with a lot of info that may help him to understand H more...

 

 

We are all human beings, being human. We all do dumb shit and we have to deal with the consequences and we have to clean it up and get back in integrity. However, the issue with your OB and your hubby's OB's is nothing at all to do with your dalliance. Herpes is a slippery bugger ... it's why it's so rampant, because it hides so well, and the CDC recommends that we not test without symptoms. So people carry it asymptomatically for years and this kind of thing happens ... and of course the partner can't believe that you could have had it all along. It's a hot mess that we are trying to clean up through education and other measures but we have a long way to go :(

 

(((HUGS)))

[Jean]

Well either way I have it now and I can only look forward and try to have a positive outlook for my kids sake.

I do have a few more questions..... Can you get hsv2 from using fingers? And is there any other std's that come along with hsv2 that i should be tested for. I haven't had any other symptoms?

I've noticed I have been a bit more crampy but I havent had an ob in 3 months but I always feel like I have something down there, especially after intercourse it feels like I have small tears on the side where I have had my ob's. Maybe i'm just going crazy and looking for something to be there.

This site has helped me a ton I just wish I could get my husband on here and he can learn more about it and not just the bad.....

[WCSDancer2010]

It's highly unlikely you could get herpes from fingering ... I would think the only way would be a very active OB and you going between that area of the person and yourself...and odds are they wouldn't want you touching that area if it was that bad.

 

I think it's a good idea for anyone who has had a positive STD result to get tested for EVERYTHING so you know your status. The CDC says we will all get at least one form of HPV in our lifetime, and many STD's hide quietly for some time (like Herpes)... the bad thing about them is they do a lot of damage in the meantime. At least Herpes won't make us sterile or cause Cancer ....

[Jean]

Ok well I am more confused than ever. I am going to give a run down and if anybody can point me in the right direction I would really appreciate it.

I got married in 2000. Before I married I wasn't careful with sex, I didn't have a lot of it but when I did I never protected myself. I have been married now for 14 years and gave oral to someone he put his finger in me for 2 seconds and it was over. That happened a little more than 2 years ago. I had my first outbreak in June of 2013 and had no idea what it was the OBGYN I went to brushed it under the rug as a yeast infections. Mind you this was a year or so after the "guy". I had never had intercourse with him it was only oral and it was only one time. I have now since had an ob in feb and I am just getting over one. I got tested in Feb and it came back as HSV2. My husband knows and now he has it. He won't go get tested for it because he is certain that I have stepped out on him more than the 1 time 2 years ago because the time frame doesn't add up. I know I cant get it that easily from oral and it would be really hard to get it from his finger. I know my husband didn't bring it into our relationship. I am just really confused on how I got it, where did it come from and how can I get my husband to listen to me when I tell him that I may have had it for a long time and it is just now making it's appearance. I have heard that you can have it for a long time and never have any signs that you do have it. My next question is how can my husband have gone almost 13 years with him not getting it until now?

Sorry for the long vent but I am just really really confused about how I got it. I know I brought this all on myself but it would be wonderful if I could get all of this confusion straightened out. The OBGYN that diagnosed me in Feb just told me that yes I have had it for a long time because my first outbreak wasn't at all bad. Well that doesn't really clarify much. All three of them haven't been bad at all actually its still hard to believe that I had a positive test for it.

Really Really confused.

[HerryTheHerp]

Hi Jean,

 

Were you ever tested for HSV2 prior to your recent tests? If not, it's quite possible you've had it all these years and just not known about it. That's the slippery thing about the herps, and yes, there are couples who have been together decades before transmission occurs. A combination of luck, the way your body is controlling the virus, and other factors come into play with that. You wouldn't be the first couple to go through that.

 

Is it possible your husband had it before you were married? Same thing. How do you know that he didn't? Was he a virgin when you got married? The only way to know if he has it is to get tested. It's not something you can guess at or assume. He needs to get tested for both 1 and 2.

 

There's no confusion as to how you got it: You had sex. The possibility of getting it any other way is so remote that you should go buy a lotto ticket if you want better odds. Getting fingered or blowing someone just aren't considered high risk factors. While 2% of people do have HSV2 orally, I don't think that's how you got it.

 

Also, I would strongly advise you to have your husband read through these forums. There's a lot of information in here he could benefit from reading.

 

 

 

 

[WCSDancer2010]

@Jean

 

I know my husband didn't bring it into our relationship.

 

How do you know??? Odds are he was never tested...esp that long ago - they tested even less back then (and the tests were less reliable) than they are now. If he has an IGG test right now and it comes back negative, he just got it within the last few months. Otherwise, you will never know who gave it to who.

 

And YES, you could have had it all this time without symptoms. As I already said, I have a client who had her first OB after 30 years of marriage. We had another on here with the same experience.

 

And again, as I already said, odds are he won't believe you but perhaps you can either get him on here or get him to go to your OBGYN with you to have them explain that it it's entirely possible that you had it all this time without any signs... get him to a professional/someone who knows to have them explain it to him. Show him the Youtube link. Print out the handouts.

 

FAQs:

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1758/frequently-asked-questions-on-herpes-and-popular-conversations/p1

 

Handouts:

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

 

Disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

(((HUGS)))

 

 

[WCSDancer2010]

@Jean

 

I know my husband didn't bring it into our relationship.

 

How do you know??? Odds are he was never tested...esp that long ago - they tested even less back then (and the tests were less reliable) than they are now. If he has an IGG test right now and it comes back negative, he just got it within the last few months. Otherwise, you will never know who gave it to who.

 

And YES, you could have had it all this time without symptoms. As I already said, I have a client who had her first OB after 30 years of marriage. We had another on here with the same experience.

 

And again, as I already said, odds are he won't believe you but perhaps you can either get him on here or get him to go to your OBGYN with you to have them explain that it it's entirely possible that you had it all this time without any signs... get him to a professional/someone who knows to have them explain it to him. Show him the Youtube link. Print out the handouts.

 

FAQs:

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1758/frequently-asked-questions-on-herpes-and-popular-conversations/p1

 

Handouts:

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

 

Disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

(((HUGS)))

 

 

[Jean]

I had a full panel done a little more than a year before my husband now and I got together and everything came back neg. But I did sleep with one more person before we got together and didn't ever have another one done..... I am pretty sure that's whom it came from because I had never slept with anyone else after that other than my husband.

 

My Husband and I have been together going on 20 years. It's been on and off between the 20 years so yes we were both each others first. He has it. He just got over a really big ob and his are much worse than mine. I want him to go get tested because I could have very likely given him HSV1 which I have had my whole life and have very frequent ob on my lip.

 

I know I got it from sex but I have not had intercourse with anybody other than my husband for 14 years. That's why I feel like I must have had it the whole time. I should have went and had another panel done before I ever got serious with my husband again what a mess.....

 

Thank you for the advise. The more I get on here and learn about it the more positive I am that I contracted it 15 plus years ago and its just been dormant.

 

I have tried a dozen of times to get my husband on this site but he just keeps telling me " why so I can be told that I am wrong " All I can do is give him the info to get on one of the most well informed sites out here but I think he is just to wounded and hurt . Maybe after shit calms down he might have some questions of his own who knows I can only hope. I know what I did was wrong, all I can do now is try and fix what I f'd up.

 

You guys are truly great on here. Thank you