Ahhhh if I could forget

[nic4897]

For a brief moment, I thought tonight, as a single person, what if I could forget? Not disclose. My H happens on my arm. It isn't even in a place that my doctor says would effect someone else on meds and a good life. It happens these moments even in all my therapy and self-talking down and up... Less than 1% with condoms and my meds she says but, then I remembered I'm blood test positive for HSV2. I could affect. I am reminded of my honesty and goodness. Of how my mental landscape-escape from the responsibility might take away someone's choice and (thank goodness) I go back to when I WAS effected. It was a horrific feeling of indiscretion. I am familiar with this terrible feeling of being entirely disrespected Thank you, regret. You made me feel again that I am the best person, doing right by others. Respect. A word that is forgotten nowadays. H or not, a relationship will never work without it. Even if you aren't compatible respect goes a long way because it says, "I Love you but we're not for each other." or "I love you and this is amazing!" And, either outcome...it's OK. H is just an incompatibility or compatibility factor. Seven years last month for me. I'll never forget. It has changed me. No lie. Broken relationships and good ones too and honestly, H had nothing to do with any. It just made my approach much different.

[HerryTheHerp]

It changes us all. 6 months in and I feel like a whole different person; I feel alive, I feel true compassion, happiness, and a genuine love I've never felt before.

 

Good to know you, Nic. You'll always have my respect.

[nic4897]

Same here, @HerryTheHerp. It's never an easy conversation. And, nowadays, ESPECIALLY, sex happens so much faster than the friendship. It makes you really think about the evolution this society has created and how people wonder how they are so hurt after it ends... myself included, admittedly (more in the past). H or not, right? How can you expect love or respect, even, when you don't know the real person.. the one who is on the receiving, opposite end? It's a trap created by yourself and what you think that person is.. a first impression..an attraction probably a reflection of your own misgivings or just plain lust. Not, that any of it is bad but if your emotions are tied it weighs heavy and causes mental turmoil when the fantasy doesn't meet reality. That's more the percentage than true love.

[AshleyS]

2.5 years in and I hardly even remember until I have to take my daily suppression, but then I go on about my day like any other. I try to no longer allow myself to be ashamed. Do I have my days, of course, I'm only human, but they are far and few between now. A few people who are close to me know. If I'm ever really down, they remind me it could always be worse. And it could have been.

 

H has made me a better person in an odd/strange way. I now know my body better, I am no longer afraid to be honest about anything, and I am happier. Happier than I ever was before I was diagnosed. And its made me be more open minded about other people as well, and what they've been through. This experience has definitely had its silver lining.

 

Best wishes.

[WCSDancer2010]

This experience has definitely had its silver lining.

 

My hope is for everyone on here to *get* that ... even when they can't understand it when they are in the initial throes of being newly diagnosed.

 

Any experience ... good or bad... has the opportunity to help us grow and become better people.... it's a choice you make every day. H is just one "life lesson" ... one that will call on your integrity and accountability every day for the rest of your life. And that's not a bad thing, eh?