Mother issues....

[Rose89]

Hey guys,

 

I guess this is a bit of a venting session. I've been really struggling with this since I was diagnosed in February. It's always on my mind and I'm carrying a huge weight of guilt for putting myself in this position by sleeping with someone I didn't even really care for. I'm definitely dealing with a lot of symptoms of depression over it. What's making this tougher for me is that my mother, one of the few people I openly talk to about this, is convinced that this is 100% curable. She wants me to buy every book, pill, ointment, etc that promises a cure. If I refuse to take her suggestions, she thinks I'm being argumentative and closed minded. She doesn't trust western medicine and thinks everything is curable by nature. It's a nice thought and I'm trying to be sympathetic since I know this must come in part from an unwillingness to watch her child suffer over something she can't fix. However, for me, this just means I can't discuss my feelings over the permanence of it because in her mind, that's not even an issue. I could just get rid of it if I weren't so stubborn and tried these alternative treatments, so I should stop complaining. I'm not even getting outbreaks, (I know, I'm extremely lucky there!) so I don't want to waste my money on olive leaf extract, manuka honey, colloidal silver, and god knows what else. As I'm struggling to accept this as part of my future, I feel like she's trying to keep me in a place of denial. I usually tell her everything, but her reaction to this just makes me feel all the more isolated : /.

[Guest]

My mom has been in a very similar place. Have you been seeing a therapist? Perhaps it would make sense to have your mom go with you so a professional can explain to her that at this moment in time there is no cure, natural or man made. It sounds like she's in serious denial about the nature of the condition and doesn't want to acknowledge her own powerlessness to do anything about it. I'm sorry you're dealing with this too.

[Rose89]

I'm actually starting therapy next week, but unfortunately my mother lives on the opposite side of the world so she won't be coming with me. I think that to some extent it's a natural reaction when your child is facing problems, same as how your Mom felt I'm sure. Another aspect is that she's fighting off cancer, (for the 3rd time) and, typically, when I tell her it's not currently curable, she replies with, "Well they say my cancer isn't curable. Should I believe that and just give up too?" Of course, that's the last thing I want her to think! The two issues are obviously different, but she sees it in a more black and white perspective and my position, unfortunately, puts me on the opposing side from her.

[HerryTheHerp]

Hi Rose,

 

Well, you're not alone. I told my mom, and she did the same thing. Not quite as extensively, but still. It's a mom thing; and it doesn't matter where in the world they are, they always love us and want the best for us. They hate to see us hurting, and don't like to see us suffer.

 

It's not easy, but tell her about this forum. Tell her about the people you are meeting here and the things you're learning. It'll help put her at ease. I told my mom, told her about this place, and well, advice column stopped.

 

That said, I do think H will be 100% curable in our lifetime. They're getting closer by the day. In the meantime, if it rears it's ugly head, drug it back to the 60's, and there are natural treatments that work as alternatives. But, I have to caution you strongly against the damned silver. Whoever the idiot was that put that out there should be horsewhipped for suggesting colloidal silver should be ingested for anything.

[WCSDancer2010]

Yup - its a Mom thing. We hate to see our children suffer.

 

AND, the big hint is in this:

 

"Another aspect is that she's fighting off cancer, (for the 3rd time) and, typically, when I tell her it's not currently curable, she replies with, "Well they say my cancer isn't curable. Should I believe that and just give up too?""

 

Her way of "controlling" her cancer is through trying all the "cures" that are out there (and sometimes someone really does have success with cancer through nutritional changes and such).

 

So try this. Tell her that her cancer is caused by her cells being out of control. Your H is a virus that has planted itself in your nerves. AND, it's ok. Unlike her cancer, it won't kill you, it's just inconvenient and your body is fighting it off pretty well on it's own (hence no OB's). And like Herry said, let her know you have this place for support and advice, and that if anyone knows how to deal with H, the folks here will be the first to let you know if we find a cure ;)

 

And THANK HER for her concern and love. ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

 

[WCSDancer2010]

BTW, you are not alone in your "parent issues" ;)

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3513/normal-reaction-to-herpes

[VirusEnhanced]

I am so sorry... I wish nothing but the best for your mother and yourself. It seems to me her own belief in a cure is creating this drama. By agreeing with you that there isn't a cure for you she is also agreeing there is no cure for herself. For someone facing their own mortality it can create some unique responses in emotion.

 

I think you should just be honest with her telling her what YOU want to do with your body what YOU want to try or do. Sometimes it's better to agree to disagree but I wouldn't go as far as saying whose wrong whose right. Hopefully you both can see hostility does nothing either way but stress you both out.

 

 

I wish the best I really do.

 

 

-Charlie.