Struggling with Transmissions Rates

[notdealingwell]

I'm really struggling with the validity of the transmission rates on this site and many others. Doctors are basically useless at diagnosing Herpes (other than when you demand a blood test), and after a LOT of research I'm convinced you people know more as you've actually been forced to learn and not allowed the luxury of remaining ignorant like most in the medical field.

 

I can guarantee that I contracted herpes from having protected sex with a condom that was used correctly with someone who I had sex with twice and was not having an active breakout. I cannot in good conscience sit here and tell a new partner this BS about the chances of infection being somewhere between 1-5% per YEAR when myself, along with 16.2% of the population already has this highly contagious disease. If that were the case, 1/6 people wouldn't already have it. How are you all dealing with this. I've basically quarantined myself as I just don't buy that I was just that incredibly unlucky. I think this is way more contagious and I can't stomach the risk of putting someone else into this mess.

[Orngpeelmafia]

Well hi and welcome! You have come to the right place for good facts and support :)

 

So do you have HSV-1 or HSV-2? Did you find out by having an outbreak and then being tested or did you just request a blood test at your last STD testing? Are you aware that the majority of the population has HSV-1 orally and a blood test won't tell you WHERE you have HSV just that you HAVE it?

 

Did the person you had sex with know they were HSV positive? Were they on suppressive therapy to reduce transmission rates? Did you know condoms aren't a 100% guarentee against any std (or even pregnancy for that matter)? Did you know that most OBs don't look like the google images and most cases go undiagnosed because people brush off their symptoms as heat rash/razor burn/an ingrown hair?

 

My point is there are a LOT of factors that go into transmission and being safe. Most people think this is highly contagious because they acquired it from someone who unknowingly had it and passed it on...most people don't think "oh I have a cold sore on my lip and that's herpes I won't go down on my partner until that clears up" and that's why HSV-1 is the cause for about 50% of all new genital cases (hi there! I got HSV-1 on my nether bits!) also HSV is not a part of regular std testing you have to request specifically to get blood tested.

 

Doctors don't spend time learning about HSV because medically speaking it's no big deal. This is not life threatening so they know symptoms and that's about it. The emotional damage cause by an ignorant stigma isn't taken into consideration.

 

Speaking from two years of being an HSV vet under my belt I can tell you the doctors are right when they tell you it's no big deal :) I know how you feel...when I was first diagnosed I felt like a walking contagion and was scared to touch anyone. I felt like if I looked at someone wrong they'd get herpes hahaha. Herpes is passed from direct skin to skin contact so while condoms can lower the transmission rate by about half (because you're covering a larger area of skin that's involved in sex) that doesn't guarentee a 100% safe pass through sex. I abstain if I'm with an H- person and I have even the tiniest itch or even razor burn just to be safe. It's hard to say no sometimes but I have a clean track record with transmission (as far as I know) because I abstain when I feel any symptoms, use antivirals to cut transmission rates in half, and also use condoms to lower that rate again by half. It's also easier for women to contract HSV than men because of our biological structure...we've got an easier access point for HSV with the way our lady bits are designed the skin lets in the virus waaaaay easier than guys.

 

I hope that helped a bit and there will be some other people commenting soon who will offer the same stats and such...I know it's hard to believe life will ever be the same again but I promise it gets waaaaaaaay better :)

[Judith]

Hi,

well there is no guaranty that you will NOT infect somebody even there is a low chance of even 2-3 percent. Well but this how the statistics are, there is a chance of contraction that virus but the chance is quit low ,when you take condoms and antivirals.

Well I am one of the unlucky ones and I received HSV 1 genitals even I had it orally since I was ten years old ....the chance to get it on different place is really low but it happening...well live happening but never stop living. If I would meet the right guy I would tell him about my feelings about him and then about H statistic....well we talk about an annoying skin condition not about a killing virus....I know there will be people who will reject me but there have been a lot who reject me before for other reasons. So take this as a trigger because I rushed to often in relationship , a relationship I should never have went to....Take H as your trigger , even this can be hurtful and yes there is a really low chance you can infect somebody.

[HerryTheHerp]

Well, I used condoms, had sex with her for one incredible night, and well, when the sun came up I had herpes. It happens. We're not unlucky, we're just not as lucky as we thought we were.

 

Condoms do help reduce transmission, but they're most effective if used in conjunction with anti-viral suppression, diet, and overall health. The stronger your immune system is,the less you'll shed, and the lower the risk.

 

Now, you're right. Doctors and medical science are lagging in their knowledge of HSV. They're learning a lot; but they're far from 100% on the whole picture. It's frustrating, and yes, it's hard to accept that. But, keep in mind that there are a number of couples who have been together years and decades, taken precautions, and never transmitted it.

 

So, you can quarantine yourself. A lot of us do when we first find out. Some people do that for months, others for years. It's your choice. I'd recommend getting back up on the horse and dating as soon as you're ready. Don't rush it, but don't let it last forever. Life's short; enjoy it.

[WCSDancer2010]

@notdealingwell

 

First - welcome! I hear your frustration and believe me, you are not alone...so many are fed up with the medical communities way of treating (or not) H and how many are behind the times. But as mentioned, for them, it's a nuisance skin condition in an inconvenient place. They are not attached to the stigma and they have bigger fish to fry like Cancer, Parkinsons, Mental Illness, etc .... So when they get a stack of the latest studies on their desk, they will read those first and anything to do with H will end up on the bottom of the pack and tossed out before it's read.

 

So here's the deal. Life... and sex ... assumes risk. You get up every day, and you do certain activities that could injure or kill you ... driving is the #1 non-medical cause of death .... so take this on:

 

If we get in our car, we do certain things to reduce the risk of injury to ourselves and others. We get a license. We wear a seat belt. We buy a car with Airbags... some also have traction control/all-wheel drive/warning systems/etc. We maintain the tires and brakes. We obey traffic signals and laws. And hopefully we don't drive impaired. Now, in spite of all that, we might be in an accident some day. Does that automatically make us a bad driver???? NO. Often the other person was impaired/didn't maintain their vehicle/ran a light/etc. Does that mean the the statistics (2% chance of death in a car accident) are wrong? No. But when it happens we live with the consequences, and some of those consequences are life changing.

 

As I said, your lifetime risk of being in a car accident is 2% ... yet I know of a number of people who have been killed in a car accident .... more than what I *should* given this number. So does it make the number wrong? Nope. So many factors will go into how the numbers are spread between communities, age groups, ethnic groups, regions, and so forth.

 

BTW, f you are a guy, your risk of transmission to a female is actually 10% (thanks, as mentioned, to our lovely, soft lady bits that make it easier for us to get it). Cut that in half with anti-virals and half again with condoms (actually, you may want to look into the FC2 Female condom as it covers more of the area AND it doesn't affect sensitivity) ... but sadly many, MANY people don't even know they have H and many MANY are having sex without condoms ... which is the best way to up your odds for getting an STD (not just HSV).

 

I can guarantee that I contracted herpes from having protected sex with a condom that was used correctly with someone who I had sex with twice and was not having an active breakout. .............I've basically quarantined myself as I just don't buy that I was just that incredibly unlucky. I think this is way more contagious and I can't stomach the risk of putting someone else into this mess.

 

Herpes doesn't play by any perfect statistical "rules". There are those who are incredibly sexually active who don't use condoms and somehow they never, EVER get Herpes. And then there are the folks who abstain from sex but who have Oral sex, thinking that they are "safe" who get H even tho they are technically virgins. There are those like you who used a condom get it .... and then there are discordant married couples ( I know of several now) who have 20-30 years of marriage, often having never used any sort of protection other than avoiding sex during OB's, who never pass the virus to their partner. Back in the 80's I didn't know my rash was H ... it took me about 2 years of very active sex (including right around OB's when I was likely shedding heavily) for me to pass it to my now ex-hubby. We broke just about every rule in our ignorance and it still took that long for him to get it. I've since had two 3-year relationships (one on meds, one without ... no condoms for either) and never passed it to either and we were quite sexually active there too.

 

THAT is what you really have to understand ... that while there are statistics ... exactly HOW they play out is totally unpredictable.

 

I assume your partner was not on anti-virals? If you plan to be in a relationship, that is really your best bet for protecting your partner.... the 50% protection rate is likely very conservative after your first year with the virus as your body will be helping you to keep it suppressed by that time.

 

@Herry is right. Don't let this keep you from dating ... yes, you may need time to adjust to this but don't cut yourself off completely.... get on here as much as you can and get educated ... because EDUCATION is the best protection you can have to protect your partner.

 

(((HUGS)))

[VirusEnhanced]

There are far worse boogey men in the world... I'll put it into perspective about life. I lost my mother at 18 to pancreatic cancer she became a statistic. A statistic 1 in 78 (1.47%) will develop pancreatic cancer. To the time she was diagnosed to her death was almost 3 months exactly another statistic to pancreatic cancer. In her last month's she came to the realization she wanted so much more from her life. She wished she had stayed in better shape and did more with the time she had... it was too late. I almost didn't mention she also had HSV1 just another statistic 80%+ will have herpes or HSV1 by the time they are 40.

 

 

 

We all are mortal we all have a finite amount of time on this planet. Don't let HSV or herpes prevent you from living it to the fullest. Remember we all are a statistic as well and life is a journey with many chances for many things.

[WCSDancer2010]

We all are mortal we all have a finite amount of time on this planet. Don't let HSV or herpes prevent you from living it to the fullest. Remember we all are a statistic as well and life is a journey with many chances for many things.

 

Beautifully put @VirusEnhanced :)