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Accepted after disclosing then rejected the next day

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Hey everyone,

I'm new here and was diagnosed with genital hsv1 a few weeks ago. I disclosed to the person I have been sleeping with for a few months. At first he was ok, then he said as long as we used condoms he wouldn't have a problem with continuing to see each other. I went over to his house the same night where everything seemed normal and we had a great night together. I dropped him off at work this morning at an hour and a half later I get a text message saying we're going to have to stop seeing each other.

My heart is in my stomach and I feel so dirty. I don't understand how someone could be ok with this one minute and the next say he's done. I don't know what to do with myself and thought turning here would be a good place to start.

Does anyone have any advice or word of wisdom for being rejected in such an awful way?

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Hi@_wanderlust! U came to the right place!


Sorry to hear what u are going thru! Same thing happened to me when i firrst disclosed, just ignored me the next day (we disnt have sex, but we made out and cuddled that night)


Good for u for disclosing to him right away, how were u diagnised? Swab/blood? And did HE get tested for hsv? Because if its hsv1 chances are he might have passed it to u unknowingly, because alot of people dont kno they can pass the coldsore virus down there via oral sex even if they are asymponmatic (no outbrake).


And its not un common for anyone to change their minds, he could have been super scared and didnt have enough time to think about it, it is a shame, but its not about u at that point, its about their health, and their choice to risk.


You have a few choices to make... 1- ask him to get tested for hsv1 (or better yet ask him if he ever had coldsores growing up) 2- ask him if its becuz of h, or maybe there were underlying issues, and maybe h was just a good reason to leave. Or my fav 3- just say F*** it, and act as tho its just a reg breakup! Not everything is about h, but the stigma it holds makes most of us believe its a huge deal when its really not.


Regardless of h, breakups arent easy, and maybe this is the perfect time for you to "date yourself" as @WCSDancer2010 would say. Learn what u love and need without a companion, and the rest will fall into place when the time is right!


Dont feel dirty. Hsv1 is the reason for 50% of new gennital herpes diagnoses. And 80% or our population has is! And 80% of that dont even know they have it! Good news is hsv1 has less transmittable rates than hsv2, so chances ofpassing it in the future will be slim, but not impossible, and highly unlikely if the person u are with already has hsv1!


You are still the beautiful you, and if you checkout the ebook handouts, and watch @Adrial's http://herpeslife.com/video-herpes-facts/ im sure you will feel alot better!!! Hang in there!!!


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Thank willow. I was diagnosed by swabs. He says he has no history of cold sores. When I disclosed he said he would get tested.

I never been so hurt before. The relief I felt when he was ok with it was beyond amazing that this morning I feel like I've hit an all time low.

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After I asked for an explanation I was told he doesn't owe me anything and to f*** off.

Honestly I think he's scared of what my diagnosis means for his health and he's taking it out on me. I can't believe what I'm seeing from him when things got a little complicated.

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First - welcome and sorry to meet you under such a crappy situation. But as you said yourself, you are seeing a pretty ugly side of him now ... so perhaps he's doing you a favor... or rather, H just acted as your Wingman ;)




http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 )


H can help you make better partner choices for several reasons. 1) You tend to slow down relationships and get to know the other person better, and visa versa so that when 2) you disclose, you know you should be able to trust that person with your situation.... this usually causes you are your new partner to learn to communicate a lot better earlier on as well ... all good things for a healthy relationship ;)


I think you dodged a bullet with this one. If he comes back H1+, it means He likely gave it to you as it will take at least 4 months for the antibodies to build up... and statistically, there's good odds he will be H+ :/


Let us know how it goes..



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Hugs. I had a similar situation when I found out (except my guy kept waffling and deciding he was ok with it and then changing his mind-3 'break ups' later I was a shadow of my former self). It took me awhile, but I eventually realized how ridiculous he was about the whole thing-and that it said way more about him than it did about me. But I get it-it's so scary at first. We feel like nothing is ever going to be the same again.


Like everyone says-this says a lot about his character. What says even more about his character is his reaction to you asking for an explanation. No one deserves a reaction like that-even if he IS scared. He's showing a lack of empathy-because obviously YOU are scared too!


Stay strong and do something nice for yourself today xo

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