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Want to disclose soon, but when's the right time?


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Hey guys,

I was diagnosed with genital HSV1 3.5 months ago. I never thought I'd be so into a person so soon after that I'd think I would want to disclose so soon.

I know how to go about disclosing, be strong and confident, if I know what I'm talking about it's not a big deal, and educate if he doesn't know.

 

We went out with friends drinking and made out drunk, we haven't been the same since. Slowly we started talking more. People started seeing something develop with us, and even asked if something was going on between us. When I told him someone asked me he said he was ok with that and didn't care if people knew.

 

However he hasn't taken me out on a real date yet. I see him all the time at work but, we're 22 years old. But date nights are limited. We are watching a tv show and make plans to hang out and watch after work. We have done that once and there are more to come.

 

Now, I know it's not time to tell him yet, but I also was not born last night, I know late night TV means other things should happen. Last time all we did was cuddle and a peck goodbye. Nice and slow, which was perfect. If he tries to go too fast I will tell him I want to go slow. But for how long can I really pull that charade? How do i put sex off before a relationship? Part of me feels that he might feel like I tried to trap him into a relationship if I try to wait until we are boyfriend and girlfriend. Do you think its important to be in a relationship before disclosing? Is there a standard of how many dates a guy should at least take you on before disclosing?

 

I know these are dumb questions, but I fear that I am getting excited about this guy and since I want to be in a relationship with him that I will disclose too soon. The last thing I need is for him to reject it. I don't think he would do that, he's so good to me that's why I like him, but you never know what a person will do.

 

I read somewhere 3 months is a good time to wait to disclose so you don't get too attached it they aren't accepting. I have liked him for 3 months already, so if I wait another 3 months and he isn't accepting that will be devastating for me.

 

I don't know what to do or think or how to proceed with what we are doing so we can advance to another level.

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Hey there Y&R!

 

This is by far one of the most frequently asked questions around. And for good reason. It seems that timing is everything. But it's not actually calendar time that you're going to want to follow for this one; it's "feeling time" that's most important. 3 months doesn't mean anything when it comes down to it. Some people connect with deep trust over the course of a few days; for others, it can take months to develop deep trust. Do you feel that you trust this person with intimate, personal and private information? That is how you know it's time to have the herpes talk. (Oh, and of course before you have sex.) ;)

 

Here's an article and video that will help you navigate this question at a deeper level (and I'm sure our awesome community members will chime in with their thoughts on this, too):

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-talk/

 

Notes:

  • My mother is now in hospice with end-stage cancer, so I am at her house a lot these days helping where I can until she passes. Thank you in advance for understanding if I am not as quick to respond as I normally would be. This is a precious and bittersweet time …
  • This content is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis. I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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@Y&R

 

But for how long can I really pull that charade? How do i put sex off before a relationship?

 

Honey - it's not a charade. You put it off as long as is right for YOU! As Adrial said, there's no "calendar" time to tell the other person, or to have sex, or whatever. If they RESPECT you they will allow you to go at your pace.

 

Steve Harvey talks all the time about this kind of thing .. and he says 3 months of DATING is the time for sex... and he'll tell you men will take sex if you let them, but the good ones will wait if you need to go at a slower pace. So you do what is right for YOU.

 

In the meantime, there's all kinds of ways to be intimate and affectionate. Take your time. Get to KNOW him. Let him get to KNOW you. In the end you will have a better relationship ...

 

Check out my blog on this:

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/when-should-i-disclose/

 

And this success story out if you don't believe me... by a GUY nonetheless :)

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3439/tonight-is-my-night NSgreenville (male) (READ TO THE END!!)

 

(((HUGS)))

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