How many ask for the partner's STD test results?

[Blueskygirl]

I wanted to see how many of you ask for your partner's STD results in written form or go get tested together. I think a lot of pressure is put on us to disclose and to be accepted by the other person whose H status is unknown (never tested or no symptoms) or confirmed H-.

 

For those of you who have brought up STDs, was your partner open to getting tested or were they offended at the suggestion that they had H1 or H2? Or do you usually accept their word when they say they don't have STDs? I'm just trying to get some ideas of how to approach this when I disclose. Thanks!

 

[mr_hopp]

Yes! I'm glad you're asking about this. Because for so many people who have herpes, we're so consumed about trying to be "accepted" by the other person that we forget that they could have herpes or another STD, too. Having herpes can be a good reminder that we're not invincible and that we still need to continue to protect our sexual health.

 

As far as taking them at their word or not, that's a tricky one. I am a firm believer that if I'm going to have sex with someone that I truly feel a deep trust with them. Sex is super intimate, so if I don't feel I can trust them at their word, I don't have sex with them yet. And this is totally a subjective thing. If you have been with people who have overtly lied to you in the past, you may have a much different relationship to this situation than I do. So if you have reservations and feel it's necessary to see the results first hand, that's totally up to you (and totally within your rights to request). If you have fear about how your partner will react, just know that their reaction can say a lot about the type of person they are. If they are defensive and reactive, that may say a whole lot more about them and what they may be hiding or not willing to look at themselves than it does about how they feel about you having herpes.

 

And how to approach this? Simple. Just say that getting herpes has opened your eyes to the potential risks that are out there and you want to be that much more vigilant about your sexual health. And that being able to get tested together will allow you to ease into trust that much more and put your mind at ease.

[WCSDancer2010]

I've been chewing on this a lot lately --- and I am tending to lean towards wanting to go with my new partner to get tested together.... because that way we know exactly what was tested and such ... no mis-communication or mis-understandings ....

 

Or do you usually accept their word when they say they don't have STDs?

 

Thing is, that is what got many people here. many *believe* they were tested for "everything" but don't know that H wasn't tested for (and likely not Chlamydia and HPV either). I like how Adrial put it

 

Just say that getting herpes has opened your eyes to the potential risks that are out there and you want to be that much more vigilant about your sexual health. And that being able to get tested together will allow you to ease into trust that much more and put your mind at ease.

 

Going to swype that @Adrial ... good way to put it ;)