My world's on fire. How about yours? That's the way I like it so I never get bored.

[redhairdontcare]

LOL smashmouth, but fitting.

 

I like to think of my life as a series of unfortunate events. I'm not saying I have a bad life or have had anything particularly devastating happen to me, merely unfortunate. In the best possible way... but that's irrelevant.

 

So I guess here is my story. I just found out I have hsv1 a week ago today. I should probably start with how this began...

 

Currently I am a 20 year old female, and will be a junior in college this fall. I went into college a virgin and hadn't thought a lot of it, the same went for my friends. Then I was exposed to a whole new world of people, and I have to admit for at least the first semester of college I didn't surround myself with people who could help me grow in a positive way. As in the girl who I believed to be my closest friend ended up having sex with at least 15 guys in our dorm alone, and that doesn't count what she had done before college, or after that first semester. Essentially I was the only one of my friends who was still a virgin. That pressure mixed with alcohol didn't exactly end well for me and my first time was also the guy's first time and he told his friends from high school. Who happened to be my friends from high school. I grew up in a college town, so a lot of people I graduated with went to the same college as me. Word spread like wildfire, and I was so embarrassed and wanted nothing to do with it. So that was my first negative experience with sex.

 

The second time was about a month later, and again I was drunk. However this time was on a completely different scale. Somehow one of my friends and I ended up in some guys bed at a frat party and she left me there. I just have a flash of a memory to know that we did indeed have sex. This was at a frat house that a friend of mine from high school was dating a guy in, who also went to my high school. Turns out the guy I had sex with was his best friend. And they were all good friends with my roommate (who I again, went to high school with). My friends boyfriend, who I had gone to school with from kindergarten-12th grade, who I also considered a friend, blamed me for all of it and has been a complete dick to me ever since. To add icing on the cake, my sorority became paired with their fraternity for homecoming this past year (my sophomore year) and I was in contact with these people a lot. I was constantly embarrassed and ashamed.

 

I hated myself for so long after these encounters and to be honest I just recently forgave myself and moved on. I hadn't had sex for over a year and a half until two weeks ago.

 

This third time I felt in control. I was hanging out with one of my best friends from high school who I had recently become closer to this past semester since we had all the same classes together. He lives with two of his cousins, and it was one of them that I slept with. I was still a bit drunk, but I remember making the decision to have sex with this guy and I did it for myself. I remember him saying "are we going to waste this condom or not?" and that seemed like a good enough reason. That and I wanted to. This was definitely careless, but I didn't hate myself after it, the next day, or even now. I felt that was progress.

 

However, about four days later I had my first OB. At first I thought it was a UTI or MAYBE gonorrhea or chlamydia since I had recently had sex with a new guy. Nope. It was good old herpes. I woke up in the middle of the night thinking I was going to die I was in so much pain and had been on antibiotics for three days. I got re-diagnosed and prescribed the antiviral plus some pain meds. The pain meds threw me into a daze and I was emotionally numb the first few days. At first I felt I should be angry at the guy, but really wasn't. I felt so conflicted because it didn't seem like a big deal but it was. I couldn't decide. I told one of my best friends and she started to tear up and kept saying how I didn't deserve it and that she did. I told her nobody deserves it and all it takes is one time to get an STD. Another friend asked me if there was anything they could do for me and I told them not to feel sorry for me, because trust me I did plenty of wallowing in self pity, and to not make the same mistake. To be more careful now.

 

While I was trying to figure out whether to tell my parents or not, I was talking to a coworker who happens to also be a nurse around my age, another coworker got the gist of our conversation and said "So you've got an STD? Welcome to the club" and high fived me. She went on to tell me how she was raped in high school and the guy gave her HPV. This made me realize how lucky I am.

 

So then the other day I happened upon this sight. I started to read someone's story and started to tear up, but I was at a friends house and didn't want to cry there. I told myself I was going to go home and look at this sight, finally cry and get it out of my system. But then I really explored the sight and didn't end up crying. I felt relieved. It really is only as big of a deal as you make of it and I think I knew that all along. This is just something we have to live with but not live for. I do feel like herpes is such a dirty word and I remember talking to another close friend about my conflicting thoughts before I found this sight. I remember telling her that it's really not that big of a deal but there is such a stigmatism against it. Plus no one tells you what to do when you get diagnosed with an STD. All they tell you is to prevent getting one at all cost. Well guess what. SHIT HAPPENS. I have been sharing this sight with all of my friends because it is amazing what we don't know about such a common disease (ahem... skin condition).

 

Honestly, I can't even say now that I regret the other night. Or even be angry. Obviously I have had issues with sex on its own without this, and now I'm being forced to finally grow up and look for a healthy relationship and actually start a healthy sex life. There's no point in being upset for long about this because what's done is done and unless anyone invents a time machine any time soon, there's nothing I can do about it.

 

So yeah. That's my story. But it's far from over. If you have made it this far into this post then I now have some questions.

 

I'm terrified to contact my friend's cousin. For starters I don't have his number, so I have to text my friend first. Also, what if he didn't even give it to me? Is it possible I have had it for over a year and a half an not known until I had sex with this guy?

 

Do my parents need to know? I feel like this isn't a life threatening issue and is something I can manage alone, but am I missing something that might happen in the future if they don't know?

 

Thanks for reading, even though that wasn't the most important part for me. I just needed to get this out of me.

 

 

[WCSDancer2010]

@redhairdontcare

 

First - Hello and Welcome.. and glad you found us.

 

And Congratulations ... for getting further in your H-journey in a few weeks than many do in months. You sound like a well grounded, thoughtful soul and that will carry you a long way in life.

 

So - yes - I'd contact the guy somehow ... if you had oral sex, you may have got it that way .. or he got it that way and doesn't know he has it. Yes, it IS possible you have had it all this time, but given the time frame from sexual contact to OB, it sounds like you were having a primary OB from that encounter. Send him here if he needs info ;)

 

Parents.....that's totally up to you. You'd be surprised how many people DO tell them, and most of the time they get great support. If mom is a worry-wart or dad is judgmental or overprotective, wellll, you need to gauge whether they need to know ;)

 

And good for you for sending your friends here. Knowledge is power ... and IMO, ignorance is one of the main reasons for the spread of Herpes, so good for you for trying to help your friends to get up to date :)

 

(((HUGS)))

[whitedaisies]

Wow! You are a very mature 20 something! You have done in a week what I have done in 7 months LOL!

 

About parents, I am in my 40s and parents are always parents no matter what age you are. Really, it's up to you and whether you feel you need the extra support. Sounds like you are doing great witht eh friends and all, but nothing is better than a hug from mom and dad.

 

My experience hasn't been the greatest, for lots of reasons; but my parents can't handle my herpes at all...and I knew better to not tell them, like Dancer said, you have to assess the personality of them to decide if they are going to give you the support you need. Right now they are a real pain in the ass and I totally regret telling them. They are just teh kind of people that can't handle things when they are unpredictable. My mom will say; you can cure yourself; take these herbs and herpes will be gone! Everyday she brings a new concoction. Or why are you so worried about sex, use a condom? Anyway, parents most times mean well, but if my daughter came to me and told me she had herpes; I would first hug her with a mother bear hug and tell her it was going to be allright and what did she need from me to help her. Sometimes moms do stuff that they think you want but its really what they want, you know? Don't let my experience deter you just let it really make you think if you are going to get the support you need or is it just going to be a big pain in the ass!

 

Good luck! So happy you are doing so well!

[kaybee]

Hi and welcome!

 

I am about to be a junior in college too, and herpes is much more common on campus that you would think. Everyone I've told knows someone or has had a scare of their own. Your attitude is amazing and was refreshing to hear! There really is a horribly inaccurate stigma surrounding such a relatively harmless (mainly occasionally annoying) skin condition. I personally told my

Mom, but she's a nurse and was there for me during the whole "what is this bump??" Initial stage so I kind of had to tell her. You're an adult and do not need to tell your parents as seeing the doctor is confidential and you can always go to planned parenthood or another clinic if you don't want the meds on your parents insurance. Good luck!! :)