In desperate need of advice regarding a unique DISCLOSURE

[whitedaisies]

After months of therapy and finally a positive diagnosis after 8 months of relentless pursuit, I think I am ready to confront my ex-lover about my diagnosis. This disclosure is not so I can continue to have sex with him as that time has long passed and our relationship was quite complicated and he really had a hard time with vulnerability and showing emotion.

 

Also, I am not totally positive I got it from him. I know I had a primary outbreak orally and thru oral sex he transferred it from my mouth to my genitals...that is certain. My fear is I tell him I got GHSV1 and Oral HSV1 during our "sexual relationship", and he gets a test and shows up negative. Then I will be mortified that I revealed this really vulnerable thing. It was just weird, how did he not get it orally when I had my primary and he kissed me and he transferred it to my genitals and he came out with nothing....doesn't make sense, right? BUT I am just so scared to reveal this really super personal thing about

 

So what would you do if you were in my shoes? I am conflicted but I am caught b/c I told him I have to tell him something. I can tell him about my story, my journey or I could tell him something equally important that is less vulnerable which is true anyway. So I am stuck!!!!

 

I am trying to listen to my inner voice. My inner voice is telling me he's not going to give me the reaction or support i crave and I will be disappointed. Am I strong enough to be disappointed? Am I strong enough to face this guy everyday? But if I don't tell him I feel like I am living a lie....and I think he thinks I am crazy b/c I've told him half the story (not H) but my journey for a diagnosis of an illness. So do I have him think I am crazy or that I have herpes or both?

 

I really did once very much care for this man. I still do and alot of what I did was to protect him from the emotional rollercoaster of the diagnosis process so his life would not be affected in anyway. Yes, a habit of being the martyr....but I would do it again. He was up for big important promotions and I didn't want to be responsible for negatively impacting that. I ended teh sexual relationship even though I didn't want to so I could protect him in case he didnt' have it.

 

I am really trying to listen to my intuition and my inner voice....but it is whispering and with all the noise, I can't hear!!!!

[MissModular]

I am currently still sick since original outbreak (and wow, new this week, multiple mouth sores), and had the talk with my ex last week. I also saw him this week. He's actually not giving me any grief about H or the idea of him giving it to me (he has never been diagnosed and asymptomatic); however, he decided it was a good time for us to review all the myriad reasons our five-year relationship didn't work. He started to catalog all the things that hurt him and told me that I was not my authentic self because I was never vulnerable enough with him which meant he couldn't have as an intense love for me as I had for him. SOOOO...OUCH...it was kind of bad. I'm really hurt and I'm not sure why he thought now, while I am sick, was a good time to dredge all this up.

 

I would say, if you can avoid the talk until you are feeling better in body and mind, it would be better for you. I've been stressed and crying and feeling worse than I have through this whole ordeal. Funnily, he came over to help me with some things around the house because I've been feeling so unwell, but he actually ended up turning my world upside down with his need to talk about the past.

[whitedaisies]

Guys suck!!!

[WCSDancer2010]

I am trying to listen to my inner voice. My inner voice is telling me he's not going to give me the reaction or support i crave and I will be disappointed.

 

I am really trying to listen to my intuition and my inner voice....but it is whispering and with all the noise, I can't hear!!!!

 

Honey, your inner voice is SCREAMING at you.... and you are chattering over it. Listen to it. If this man was a MAN he would have been there to support you, however it happened. You WINGMAN is screaming at you too friend! He's already shown his colors. So don't do it if you have ANY hope of his support. You can just tell him matter of factly that you finally got a H1+ test back so it's possible that he has it and he should get tested but that you have learned you may have got it years ago and not known it until it came up ... or you may have got it from him ... and you will never know. And you can give him some facts (80% of the population has it) and let him know he needs to be careful with oral around future partners. Then walk away and leave it at that. That way you have done your duty around letting him know he is at a risk, but don't wait for his support. If he stops you and asks if there is anything he can do, just let him know that he should have done it months ago, thanks for asking, and WALK AWAY.

 

And I HIGHLY doubt that you got it from the keyboard... *maybe* the peck on the lips from the friend (that is how kids get it from doting Aunties). So yes, you can let him know that may be where you got it too ... and that you just want him to be informed. Go into the talk with no expectations/hopes of any kind of support from him ... any kind of "attachment" to an outcome is guaranteed to bring pain because odds are it won't be what YOU want it to be.... however it shows up ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/01/letting-go-in-relationships-a-buddhists-view-of-attachment-steve-davies/

 

http://zenhabits.net/zen-attachment/

 

 

[WCSDancer2010]

@MissModular

 

Again - your Wingman just showed you who the guy is - he clearly won't acknowledge anything HE had to do in the matter ... even though your getting Herpes wouldn't be his "fault", just acknowledging how it's affecting you would be the humane thing to do.... not to hit you while you are down. ;)

[whitedaisies]

He's an ass!!!

 

I can't tell him. I will be disappointed. I owe him nothing. Just as he has given me nothing as he is incapable of showing any compassion.

 

Done.

[WCSDancer2010]

Glad you took the earplugs out ;)

[whitedaisies]

;)

 

 

[Helzbelz88]

Glad you took the time to process that.

 

All to often we act and end up just punishing ourselves, can actually say I've done this less thanks to H.

 

When you realise they have nothing you want or need - the point you're at, then you can really start moving forward.

 

Keep going beautiful , even the baby steps count.

 

Xx

 

[whitedaisies]

Xo

 

Thanks for calling me beautiful. Haven't felt like that much at all lately.

[whitedaisies]

These constant symptoms make me feel ugly and I will never find someone to luv me.

 

:(

[whitedaisies]

I guess I just hope that people are fundamentally good

 

I am very naive despite my age.

 

I have such a good heart and I don't protect it enuff. It gets trampled alot.

[babysteps]

I know how you feel daisies.... I feel like that too sometimes but i wouldn't ever want to change...I'm learning to love myself (somedays) loving yourself means protections your heart just a little more diligently....but don't shut off....I think people like you who love so unconditionally keep just enough love in our world for it to keep turning (big hugs)

[babysteps]

I know how you feel daisies.... I feel like that too sometimes but i wouldn't ever want to change...I'm learning to love myself (somedays) loving yourself means protections your heart just a little more diligently....but don't shut off....I think people like you who love so unconditionally keep just enough love in our world for it to keep turning (big hugs)

[whitedaisies]

Thx babysteps

 

Xo