It could happen to you...

[Faith512]

"Just by looking at the bumps, it looks like herpes."

That was the sentence I was hoping wouldn't come out of my doctor's mouth 3 weeks ago. But it did. My worst fear had come true. I was in disbelief that this was my reality. I was officially diagnosed with HSV2 about a week later after a culture was taken from my initial visit.

That first week was the most uncomfortable, embarrassing and devastating week of my life going through my first OB. I wasn't (still not) sure if it was stress related or just a very intense OB but I bled a lot. Like a lot, a lot. I brought it up to my doctor but she said nothing looked abnormal and it was possibly my body reacting to the virus. I was put on acyclovir for my initial OB, 3x's a day, and now on suppressive therapy taking it once a day (is that enough?). I still get nervous that I'm not clear down there and get anxiety knowing I'll probably get another OB sooner than later.

I've done more reading and research than I've ever done before trying to educate myself on my HSV2. I still feel lost though. Am I always going to have extreme OBs? Can I ever shave/wax again? Can I still have safe sex with a condom and not put my partner at risk? Is anyone going to want me now? I could go on forever.

My life has completely been turned upside down. My self-worth and confidence levels are at an all time low. Although I know I have it and accept it, I can't shake the feeling of disgust and shame. My mother and sister are the only two people in my life that know. They've been unbelievably supportive but I feel like they can't understand what I'm going through. I just don't want to feel alone and could really use some positive vibes

[whitedaisies]

You are going through all the normal feelings....except I would say disgust, shame? WHY? You have a virus, that's it...along with all the other viruses you have picked up in your life b/c someone sneezed on you, or your sibling had chicken pox and you got it. Go eeeaaasssy on yourself.

 

Your outbreaks will get less severe, I promise and as you build antibodies, your body will learn to fight it better.

 

Sometimes people bleed but I don't think its as common but good you went to see your doc.

 

You will know if suppressives are enough, if you don't get any more outbreaks...i went on valtrex 500 mg 2x per day...your meds are different

 

Search on here lots of information but

1) yes of course someone is going to want you,....why wouldn't they?!?!?! lots of h+ and h- people will love you and you can look at the successful disclosure section to see for yourself

2) yes, you can shave, wax again but i would wait a bit til you have your OB under control....everyone is different....some it will trigger an OB, some wont'...you will have to experiment

3) you can do lots of things to have "safer sex" safe sex I would say doesn't exist as there are so many permutations and combinations of viruses, etc. So yes, you can have sex with a condom, using antivirals and no OBs and there is a very low chance that you won't give it to your partner....take a look at the e-book and handouts...it has all the stats

 

Great that your family is being supportive....come on here so you have people that know what you are going through and ask away!

 

HUGS

 

[seeker]

I too am confused about the dose for suppressive as my md had the bottle ready for it and then I told her I wanted episodic for right now. the old script said 3x a day ( and she said it was only 1) and over it is the new one which has 1x a day for 5 days with symptoms. unless she had it backwards.

faith, just breathe and relax. you will get thru this. and while it is good to look for info be careful where you look and do not, repeat do not look at the pics!!!! they are always the worst of the worst.

and yes someone will want you again trust me. at least your a female and don't have to be the instigator knowing full and well that if she says yes to a date,and wants to continue there is a high chance that after the talk you could still be rejected. maybe that's why the H girls ive spoken with and read their posts on here have "something special" about them, they have more understanding and perspective. they understand that fear of rejection better I think because lets face it, in our society men persue women and women make the choice to be caught or not putting all the rejection on us men.

 

also, I disclosed to a friend who helped put this into better perspective. he has had cancer 2x, has a heart condition and is about 5 years older than me. he said " everyone has crap to deal with, its a rash and its manageable. maybe having to wait to sleep with someone isn't a bad thing?"

 

so look in the mirror and tell yourself it WILL be alright and this too shall pass.

[Faith512]

@ whitedaisies: I know I shouldn't feel "dirty" but I kinda do :/ although being sexual is a normal and natural thing, the stigma attached to the virus makes me think otherwise. I constantly try to remind myself that it IS just a skin condition and it DOES NOT define me, but I'd be lying if I said it doesn't bother me deep down. I guess that acceptance and loving yourself comes with time....I'll get there one day :)

 

@ seeker: yea I voiced my concerns to my doctor about the script but she said it should be ok....

It definitely puts things in perspective when you hear someone else is going through a much more difficult time. Makes my herpes so insignificant knowing that, at the end of day, my condition isn't life threatening unlike someone dealing with cancer. So thank you for reminding me of that!

 

I really appreciate the feedback and am excited to be apart of this community! :)))

[whitedaisies]

Of course it bothers you....you are human.....this is new.

 

You will get there....be patient!

 

xo

[Chinup]

Faith, you really sound just like me.. And you are certainly not alone!! I am 1 week into my diagnosis and I'm going through every emotion, constantly. This has been the LONGEST week of my life.. I'm constantly terrified of every bump, itch, tingle, or anything that I feel anywhere. I, too, am terrified that I'll never find someone to accept me with this "skin condition".. I feel as if I'll never be able to live a "normal" life. I have to use positive self talk constantly.. Telling myself that this is going to be ok.. I am going to be fine.. And it could be SO much worse!! Try to stay as positive and stress free as you can.. We only get one life, so we have to make the best of this one with the cards we have been dealt. There are so many great posts on this forum that can answer most of your questions!! While I certainly recommend getting as educated as you can on the topic, do not overwhelm yourself.. I found myself unable to sleep because my mind was racing after doing "research". Bottom line.. You are not alone.. You are going to be fine.. We are all going to be fine.. It might not seem like it today, but eventually, we will all get there. :-)

[Faith512]

@chinup yes! I get so nervous every time I'm sitting down and feel a burning or itchy sensation. It's the worst. I have an ongoing conversation in my head saying, "you're fine, relax, worrying will only make it worse." But it's good to remind myself that it's not as bad as it seems! I am so thankful I found this website and been welcomed with open arms by everyone. Sometimes all you really need is to know YOU ARE NOT ALONE :)

[Chinup]

Oh absolutely!!! It really helps so much!!! I actually have a number of friends that I know have it too, and I REALLY want to reach out to them for support and advice.. But I'm just not in a place to do that yet, as none of them are really "close" friends that I trust with that info! It's important to have support.. This forum is wonderful! And I say those exact things to myself too lol! Whatever it takes.. I'm finding myself actually able to stop thinking about it for a few mins here and there.. I really hope that one day I'm able to live my life without thinking about it at all.. One day :-)

[Faith512]

Maybe I'd be a little less embarrassed and ashamed that I have it if I knew people who did but its not really something you go shouting from the mountain tops lol. I'm definitely not comfortable enough to discuss it with anymore people in my life other than my mom and sister. Luckily I can just hash out all my confusion and questions here :)

[Peggy]

First Let me promise you that this will all change I mean that I PROMISE...I felt exactly the same...not to one up you I found out I had HSV 1 and HSV 2 and a 3rd curable STD!!! I was shocked and devastated. I thought I was doomed in life and romantically. Promise me that you will breathe and try and take some of the emotion out...I know that can be difficult. I know for me that it was not the skin rash but the STIGMA that scared me to death. I was one of the most judgmental people ever! I thought it was Karma! Then slowly one day at a time I just took it easy on myself...and just thought what do I need to do to be ok with this? You are so much more than a skin rash....please take the time to watch all of Adrial's videos. Also talk with him..he gave me the tools to change my life forever...I mean it when I tell you I would not change a thing...I thought I was living before all of this? NOPE....now I am living the life I have always wanted. Its not perfect everyday but it is authentic. I am here for you if you need a friend....are you going to the HOPP seminar? I will be there it is an amazing life changer! If not do what works for you..

People that judge you don't deserve you....we are all different and it just takes time. I'm glad your on the forum:)

[WCSDancer2010]

@Faith512

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

I'm currently at an event so I will have to keep this short, but I want you to know I'm a 35+ yr veteran of H and it has generally been a speed bump in the timeline of my life (ok, maybe a few speed bumps!). I know that the last week may have seemed like forever, but it's because you are new to the idea, your mind is on overdrive, and you are afraid of what it means for the future. However, most of us live about 4,000 weeks ... so being miserable and scared a few weeks out of all that is really not a long time... it just FEELS like it ;)

 

Check these links out, read all you can here....especially the Success Stories and the Inspirational section. You will see that for many, Herpes has become a blessing... they are more choosy of who they get close to, and they form deeper and more meaningful bonds with their (usually H-) partners.

 

(((HUGS)))

 

FAQs:

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1758/frequently-asked-questions-on-herpes-and-popular-conversations

 

Handouts + disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 )

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3296/this-is-water-this-is-water- Choice

 

Herpes facts video