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Chinup

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Everything posted by Chinup

  1. @cc1985 I can totally relate to you! The guy I'm "seeing" has a son and we have all been spending so much time together.. I'm so scared to bring this up.. For the most part when I'm with him I forget about this.. And then I remember that I have to disclose and I feel sick. I know that it's coming sooner than later, as things have really taken off over the last 3 weeks or so.. I know that I can't drag it out much longer because I don't want to get my heart (or his) even more involved than it already is. I'll be super sad if the disclosure doesn't go well and things end abruptly. I play it in my head over and over and some days I think I'm ready.. I think he cares enough about ME that it will not be a deal breaker.. And then I lose my confidence and sink into a sad place. But I have to remember that this is my new reality.. I've lost the luxury of entering into new relationships without an H disclosure. :-( we can do this! We have to!! Feel free to message me!! Maybe we can come up with a good script together lol!!! Good luck to you!!! I hope it all works out for the best for both of us because we deserve to be loved, H+ or not!!!
  2. HAHAHAHA @seeker, how I've missed your posts! I honestly have no idea how it will go with this guy.. I'm pretty sure he's very much into me, but I know this is a serious deal breaker for a lot of people.. Hoping he's open minded enough to listen and learn and I hope I can handle the disclosure in a positive way! And yes, I want my body to get a handle on it too.. After the holidays and what not (and depending on how the disclosure goes) I plan on weaning off again to see if my body can fight alone for a while. You just know the parenting struggle.. I've got an energetic 2.5 year old running around and I can't be stuck on the couch feeling shitty, ya know?? How's it going, btw!! Haven't seen you post lately lol @jessikarabbit89 oh girl I hope you're right!!! I'm so terrified about everything because my current situation is so complicated. I've known of a few friends who have it (we just never talked about it) and I don't remember them sitting around and wasting their lives. They have relationships and live as if nothing's different and that's how I plan on living. I just can't help but feel like my sex has been taken from me!!!! I'm not a whore, I've never slept around, but I do enjoy sex and I am now scared of it.. I'm scared it's going to hurt and that its going to cause even more OBs.. I'm scared any H- guy is going to be afraid to touch me and I hate that!!! :-( but anyways, meds on hand is a great idea!!! Just in case! Did you meet this guy on positive singles or did you know him already?
  3. Looking forward to hearing about how it goes!! I'm in the same boat.. Disclosure is coming soon and I'm terrified!!! I love reading these positive posts and stories and I hope to be posting one here in the near future!!! Please keep us posted :-) good luck!!!!
  4. Happy to see so many encouraging disclosure posts!!!! Happy for you :-)
  5. Yea I think it's all personal preference when it comes to suppressive/episodic therapy. I went off antivirals after my initial ob cleared up and I went 7-8 weeks without an OB.. Once I had my second I decided to go on suppressive for peace of mind.. Since being on suppressive I've had 2 more.. One lasted 2 days and the other never had sores actually form. I'm not currently in a relationship, but I am sort of "seeing" a guy who I'm pretty sure is H- so if he happens to accept me this way (cross your fingers, disclosure coming soon :-/ ), I'll sort of already have an idea of how my body does with them. It's really a personal choice. And if you have insurance, why not get a script and keep them on hand if you need them? If nothing happens with this guy, I'll prob wean myself off again and try the episodic. Hoping my body can learn to handle this thing on its own soon! Ugh
  6. This is wonderful!! Reading posts like this give me hope :-) happy for you!!!!
  7. Love that!! Needed that today! Thank you!!!
  8. I feel your pain too! I seem to be having an ob every 3 weeks.. Not sure if it's period related or not bc my last one was a few days after and this one is before.. Regardless I feel like I can't catch a break. I doubled up on meds when I noticed the prodromes 3 days ago.. No bumps or blisters, but the prodromes and itching won't stop! So over it :-( know that you're not alone! And I seriously need to get that alum too!! Right now I just want to take sandpaper to my lady parts... Ugghhhhhh
  9. I am right there with you all.. 4 months in on my diagnosis and having my 4th ob.. At this point I am so disappointed and let down by my own body. I'm in great health, rarely get sick, and yet, I can't seem to go 3 weeks without an ob and I'm on suppressives. And I'm in the same boat where I feel like no man will ever want to risk being with me. It's depressing, to say the very least. I know the stats are 1 in 4, but I certainly feel completely alone in all of this. My 29th bday is this week and ill likely lose my damn mind if this thing isn't cleared up by then. I spent my 28th bday home alone (going through a separation) and I refuse to spend my last bday in my 20's home alone again. Can't catch a break here :-(
  10. Thank you @adrial for the feedback! It all definitely makes sense.. I guess I'm just so frustrated because I've always lived a healthy lifestyle.. Eat right, exercise, avid runner.. I feel so let down by my body.. I'm trying so hard to stop worrying and stressing about it.. I guess I feel lost as to what else I can do to be healthy and stay "calm" about it all. I've taken up yoga and meditation to help.. I take 1g of lysind a day and I started a multi vitamin with immune support.. I feel like I'm doing everything I can lol! There are even days here and there when I don't even think about it anymore.. And then BAM! The reminder :-( I guess I'm also concerned that maybe the valtrex isn't working well anymore.. I went 7-8 weeks between my initial ob and my second.. And 4 of those weeks I was off meds completely.. After the second I decided to get on the suppressives.. And since the suppressives I've had 2, each about 3 weeks apart! Even for a newbie, does that sound normal? And I'm sorry for asking such a crazy question, I know we are all different in how our bodies react to this.. But with your research, experience and general knowledge, does that seem pretty normal for 4 months in? Again, thanks for the feedback!! And I look forward to your disclosure videos! I'm sort of close to a disclosure and I'm TERRIFIED :-/
  11. So I'm 4 months in and starting my 4th OB... i don't understand and I can't deal with this once a month forever. Please tell me it actually does get better/easier with time. I've been on suppressives since October and have still had 2 OBs since then. I know I'm still new into this and I need to give it time, and I know the suppressives don't prevent OBs, but does it really get better?? Should I ask for my doseage to be increased?? Will they even do that? Need some positive feedback here :-( seriously struggling to keep my chin up :-( Thank you for the feedback!
  12. Your life is far from over, although I know at times it seems as if it is. There are a lot worse things that could be going on. I struggle daily with the reality of this diagnosis, but we cannot give up on our lives completely. Then it wins and we didn't even put up a fight. I have a friend who I've known with this for 7 years.. She's been in 2 serious relationships during that time and I never remember this holding her back. She never even talked about it. I also know of other friends of mine who have it and they have also had relationships and lived "normal" lives. The stigma and fear is the worst part.. I find that far worse than the physical symtoms. It's a complete and total mind f*c* lol! try to stay positive and don't give up on your life! I was conversing with a friend about being stressed and how horrible of a summer it's been and he quickly asked me if I was ok and i said yes, because I have no intention of telling him.. And his response put me in my place: "PHEW girl.. I thought you were going to tell me you have a brain tumor or something.." It could be much worse. I tell myself daily, "you have too many blessings to stay sad.. I'm healthy, it's not life threatening, I have all of my limbs and all of my senses, I have a healthy daughter.. " Maybe you should sit down and make a list.. All of the positive things will eventually start flowing. Save the list and when you feel bad or down, pull it out and read it for a reminder. I have to do it at times! Try to keep your chin up! Every one keeps saying that it gets better, guess we just have to wait and hope that's true!!! :-)
  13. I know exactly how you feel! I have a friend I've been seeing and all I can think about when I'm with him is that one day soon I'm going to have to tell him and I'm just TERRIFIED.. It seriously stresses me out so bad. That's probably why I haven't been able to sleep well in weeks. I keep telling myself that I need to calm down and relax bc I have no clue what secrets he has, I just really doubt we share the same type of secret :-/ I keep trying to tell myself that I'm worthy.. I'm still me.. And if he cares about ME, it will all work out. I just feel myself liking him more and more which scares me more and more and stresses me out more and more lol! It's a viscous cycle! I find myself trying to find things wrong with him and trying to find other reasons that we'd never work out so that I can just walk away.. But then that makes me sad :-( he has been after me for a while and I'm so upset that I didn't give him a chance months ago.. Months before I had this..
  14. Thank you @breezyttw and @dancer :-) yea, this time I used peroxide a few times a day and I'm thinking that might have helped dry it out and heal so fast! I am still doubling up a few more days to make sure it's gone.. I am just feeling constant weird things and it's so confusing!!! Thank you all for your help and advice!!! I'm defintely hoping it gets better lol! My anxiety seems to be through the roof these days about it, I'm trying to relax a bit bc I know it feeds off of my stress!
  15. Thank you @seeker.. My dr wasn't too helpful when I asked how to do this. You're right, I guess it doesn't really help it "heal", it more or less stops it from getting worse? I guess I should be pretty thankful then that it healed so quickly!! I noticed this bump Monday night and it was gone by Thursday. So maybe I should stay doubled up for a few days to make sure it's completely gone. This sucks. I wish my Drs were more helpful. They seem to not really give two shits.
  16. I'm so confused on how to take these antivirals now!! When I had my initial OB, I was givin a script of 500mg of Valtrex twice a day. When they confirmed that it was H, she bumped it up to 1g twice a day for 10 days.. I finished that and then slowly weaned myself down to no meds. Was off the meds for 4 weeks and was ob free. I had my second ob and decided to stay on the suppressive dose of 500mg daily once that one cleared up. Well, to my surprise, I had ANOTHER ob just 3 weeks later!! So I doubled up to twice a day and it started clearing up. However, once the blister opened it was terribly painful to pee, so I quadrupled up like my first ob and it was literally gone by the next morning. I only quadrupled at night and that next morning. So I guess my question is, how do you treat episodically? What dose should I take when I feel an ob coming?? I felt the prodrome for this 3rd ob so I doubled up for a few days and when nothing happened,I decided to go back to my regular dose. Then a few days later it was there. Should I have taken the higher dose longer? I am just so confused. And how long after the ob should I stay on a higher dose to make sure that it's gone? Any advice would be great! Thank you :-)
  17. I know these feelings you speak of, I feel them too! You are certainly not alone in that. I feel like I started off super positive after my diagnosis.. I made a pact with myself to not let this rule my life.. And 3 months and 3 OBs later, I seem to have lost that resolution and I just feel lost, scared, confused and alone. I fear that I will suffer from terrible OBs constantly and that I will be alone forever. Like you said, why in the world would anyone want to be with me when they can have someone that doesn't have H?? The future is scary and I do not feel excited about life like I used to be. I've always been a pretty positive person and this has certainly affected me in that department. Even though I know i have so much to be thankful for, and that things could really be so much worse, I still struggle getting out of bed some days. All we can do is take this thing day by day and try to remain thankful for the many positive things we have in our lives: children, family, friends, jobs, etc. If you haven't yet, watch the videos dancer posted! They are wonderful and brought tears to my eyes. The advice on this forum is great! I agree with everyone else and am trying to take to heart all of the advice myself! Some days are easier than others, but I am trying to remain hopeful that it does get better as time goes on!
  18. Haha ok I will! I started right with the peroxide, haven't used the bactine yet, but I'll definitely keep you posted! I think this bump is pretty much gone for the most part! Crossing my fingers I'll be ob free for a while!!!!
  19. Omg those first 2 had me in tears! Thank you for sharing those!!!
  20. Thank you dancer for helping me keep my wits about me during this OB!!! I stocked up on peroxide and bactine!!! Hopefully it will be gone completely in another day or so :-) You're the best!
  21. Yea it's just so discouraging.. I was just convinced I was healthy enough to fight this thing better.. I guess I was hoping I'd be a part of that H population that never has an OB :-/ oh well, obviously not. I just need to stock up on supplies to fight them as they come. I checked this morning and it actually already looks less fierce than it did last night! Hoping it will maybe clear up without even turning into an open sore. Crossing my fingers. It's so hard bc even when H isn't showing itself, it's always there in my mind. I'm constantly fearing future disclosures, future outbreaks.. Constantly second guessing my diet and health.. Should I run my half marathon? Should I eat that chocolate? Will doing this cause an OB? I really like this guy, but I'm terrified to tell him... Maybe I should just walk away now before he breaks me even more when he turns me down.. These are the thoughts an fears that plague my mind constantly. I'm seriously struggling with this.. Way more now than when I was first diagnosed in August :-( I have the same questions, beachdude... I'm only 3 months in, but I've already had 3 OBs in 3 months :-( is this my future??? Will it really ever get better? Bc I'm not sure I could live like this.. It's so depressing and I just feel like no one will ever accept me like this.. I fear being alone forever. And while I am blessed with a beautiful little 2.5 year old, she will grow up and leave me in the dust one day.. I'm just so scared right now.. Feeling low and alone in this. I still haven't had any luck finding a local support group and I just really have no one to talk to aboit this. My bff knows, but when I'm in my dark place, the only thing she can offer me is "I'm sorry" because she has NO CLUE what I'm going through :-(
  22. Thank you so much! It really is a tricky little bastard.. I feel so disappointed in my body for not being able to handle it :-/ I try so hard to be healthy.. Diet, exercise, etc and I rarely get sick.. Why can't my body handle this better??? It's so discouraging. I've been on the antivirals (for the last 3 weeks) and lysine daily (since my first OB back in August).. I'll def keep that up and double up for a few days until it's knocked out.. And I'll def go get that other stuff too! How often do you put it on the bump? Thanks again, dancer! You really are the best!!
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