Revealing the virus

[Sonya76]

Hello everyone,

 

My question is, how do you address HSV2 to potential mates? Do you say "I am a carrier of HSV2 or do you say you have genital herpes?" Saying you are a carrier seems more easier for them to accept then saying I have genital herpes. I'm just trying to figure out how to address this conversation when I do feel comfortable with dating again and telling my potential mate.

[mr_hopp]

Heya Sonya76!

 

Technically, herpes is the physical manifestation of HSV-1 and/or HSV-2. So it's not technically "herpes" until it's an outbreak. But I still say "I have genital herpes." Straight and to the point. Others prefer to be more medical about it and say something to the effect of "I'm a carrier of HSV-2" or "I'm a carrier of the virus that can cause herpes."

 

But all that said, the exact words you use are much less important than how you say the words you end up saying. :) You know how there are many ways to skin a cat? (Ewww.) Well, there are many ways (infinite, really) to say a phrase like "I have herpes." And how you say it says way more to your potential guy than the words themselves. The feelings behind the words could say "There's a huge problem here" or they could say "Here are the facts."

 

Check out the e-book for more on all this. Here's a link to that plus a few very helpful handouts:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

[Sonya76]

Adrial,

 

Thanks for the speedy response. I will definitely check out the e-book. Just trying to cope with this condition the best way I can. I have my moments where I'm upset and then I have moments where I feel good. I'm sure we've all been in this situation. I don't know when I will feel comfortable with discussing this with a potential mate because I'm still trying to come to terms with me having it. Before finding out about this site, I didn't realize how many people were affected with HSV1 and HSV2. Thanks once again for the information.

[WCSDancer2010]

I came up with a "script" to give people an idea of what to say when they disclose .... it may help you:

 

Disclosing GHSV2 - "I want to start this relationship with honesty and openness…. so I have something to tell you. You know the cold sores people get on their lips? I get a similar thing down there. Both are the Herpes virus. If I take suppressive meds and/or we can use condoms, and we don't touch me when I have any signs, we can reduce the risk of you getting it down to less than 2% ... If we use both it would be less than 1%. Given that 80% of people have herpes, you may have it and not know unless you specifically asked for the test anyway. I really like you and if we get physical I will do everything in my power to keep you from getting it. And in a way, I am safer than most because I KNOW I have it and how to manage it. Most people like me got it from someone that didn't know they have it or we were lied to.

 

Also, read all the success stories that you can on here. You will get a lot of ideas from other people's successes :)

 

(((HUGS)))