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New, scared, looking for a friend or 2 for support

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New to pretty much everything this site is about. I am a 33 year old divorced woman who after 12 years of being with the same guy started seeing my now boyfriend 2 years ago. (2 guys in 15 years) About 2 weeks ago after dropping my kids off with their dad I came home and prepared a highly romantic evening; candles, lingerie, and thought about the possibility of allowing my bf to live a dream he had told me about when we lived apart and in separate states. The evening was amazing and didn't think much of anything else. 4days later I was sure I had hemorrhoids. I was swollen and sore and tried over the counter products to be comfortable. A couple days later I was in excruciating pain when I tried to go to the bathroom at work. I left work immediately and drove to the ER. The DR examined me which left me screaming in pain and then asked.. "Mam, have you had anal sex recently?" I was beyond embarrassed but nodded my head as I looked down at the bed. He continued, was it unprotected. I again said yes but explained I had been with this guy for 2 years. He liked at me and said "Mam, you do not have hemorrhoids, your anal area is covered in leissons" I was confused I didn't know what this meant, what's a lesion. What is this Dr talking about. "Mam," he continued," It looks like you have herpes."


A little back story I suffer from sever anxiety and depression and have since I was 15 years old. I lost my virginity at 17 years old and between that night until the present I had only been with 5 guys including my bf.


I didn't quite understand how this could happen, I stared panicking. All these questions ran throughout my head. How is this possible, I've been with my bf for 2 years who did this happen, when did this happen, why didn't my bf say anything if he had it, why did I never noticed anything before. I just moved 200+ miles away from my family to be with him, what if he decides he doesn't want to be with me, what if he thought I had cheated, how did I get this did I give it to him, can I give it to my children, I knew nothing and was beyond scared. After a cat scan and more than a few sticks with needles and a dose of pain meds that made my head float off into a galaxy far far away I called my be to pick me up, (he had picked up the kids from school and taken them to open house since I thought for sure I was just a horrible case of hemorrhoids). He was more than concerned and wanted to know everything. I told him sobbing that the Dr was 99% sure I had genital herpes but was waiting for the culture and blood work to comeback and I told him that on top of that I had a uti. He didn't get mad he didn't say much just hat we are a team and we will handle this together, but threw in that he had been tested a for studs a few months ago. He said that we had to do some research and figure things out but that he loved me and we would get through this together. I took the next 2 days off from work as the pain meds they gave me knocked me out and so I spent my time crying and sleeping and when I had a few calm moments I was me. Google queen. I learned quickly that there was a chance that my bf was asymptomatic and maybe he didn't kniw he carried the virus. I learned that this was probably the worst ob I would ever have. I looked at pictures and cried and slept some more. I noticed my urine output started to diminish and forget the thought of having to poop. I was put on pain killers, valtrex, a stool softener,and some sort of cream that the pharmacy didn't have so they gave me some type of hemorrhoid cream that burned Sooo badly.


So it's been 2 weeks since my diagnosis and I'm still unsure what it all means. In a couple days I go visit the infectious diseases Dr hoping to learn more. I just popped for the first time in 2 weeks yesterday (sorry for the tmi) still having issues going pee and pretty sure the uti has only gotten worse. My bf has been so awesome. I miss being intimate with him. And of course get back to out normal life, but I realized there no going back, there will be a new normal we will have together figure out together. As of a couple days ago my lesions have healed and I'm starting to feel like there might be some hope. I'm still scared of what this all means for my future and our future but I'm hopeful that thus group will help me though this as far as support since I am not sure I want anyone else besides my by and I but I just hope I can find out more info and maybe help others and just be a good friend to those of you who need one because Lord knows I need someone I can talk to about stuff.,, thanks everyone and leave question comments or whatever, I'll try and keep you all updated as things go along.


Let me also add that in May I had gone to pph and had an old inserted at which time they did a full std test which came back all clear and moved to be here with the bf in July

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Heya lou! Welcome to the forum!


First i want to point out that you have an amazing bf, someone who is willing to learn and be with you thru this trying time. Herpes is a hard virus to figure out, im glad the doc has done a culture, as that is the most accurate test right now.


As for your bf saying he was tested, i believe him, but unless he specifically asked for a herpes test, they most likey didnt test him for it, or you for that matter. Im not sure why, but hsv testing isnt part of the regualr screen testing for sti's and std's.


As for the cream, my god stop using it! Hemmroid cream prob wont help one bit. Its not meant for herpes, so of course it may hurt using it! Instead you can try to find a lydocaine jelly, it has a numbing agent in it, i have a tube 2% lydocaine cost me about 15 -20$ OTC (canadian). Little goes along way and it may help u bit more, not for healing necisarily, but for discomfort.


To help your immune system out, you can look up foods that are high in lysine. And avoid foods with arginine. Lysine can sometimes be bennificial to those with hsv. Doesnt work for everyone, but its worth a try. (You can also get L-Lysine supplements via any pharmacy).


Let us know when your results are in, its important to know which type you have. Hsv1 (the coldsore virus) or hsv2. Both of which can be in the gennital area.


Good luck! And be sure to relax alot! Take epsom salt baths too!!



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Thank you willow for responding. My bf and I have know each other since 8th grade but lost contact and happened to find him again on facebook through his cousin at which time he told me he had been looking for me for 17 years. He's never had an ob. And mine has pretty much cleared up and just finished my first bottle of valtrex. I'll definitely get the supplements and try it out. I'm just looking for more answers with this new infectious diseases Dr on Thursday. Hopefully they will have all my test results and I'm sorry I didn't realize that Not everything was complies and pasted from the just diagnosed page. Thanks again for all the advice I can't seem to get enough of information and hopefully tip on how to keep on away

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Antibiotics won't help - hopefully they will get you on antivirals, and maybe painkillers and perhaps Lidocain ointment. And I feel ya there - between H and UTI's I've had many a painful day where the thought of peeing was as bad as the act itself.


Try the suggestions on these links, especially the ones about peeing in the shower, Epsom Salts Baths, and keeping the area dry....


Also, several people on here swear by Hydrogen Peroxide.... spray on, leave for a few minutes, then dry off..





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@lou1981 I'm so, so sorry to hear of your initial OB from hell. It all sounds very familiar. I also contracted this nasty fucking virus via "the back door". I'm glad your doctor was able to diagnose it accurately: the proctologist I saw (because I also thought hemmoroids) did not think of that even though I told him that I'd given my lover a back stage pass.


The problem is that the virus travels along the sacral nerve irritating it to the point where the nerve signals which normally allow you to void your bladder or move your bowels cannot function properly. I was in the emergency room twice to be catheterized because I COULD NOT PEE.


First and foremost, take care of yourself physically. I felt extremely fatigued for about 1.5 months. Let your body rest. Your immune system is facing an onslaught of a cunning invader it just has no experience handling. Rest, eat the best quality food you've ever eaten (if you have an appetite), take care of your beautiful self. Are you taking acyclovir? It does help.


So glad your BF is right there with you. I'm going to take the wild guess that you contracted this virus from him. He may be asymptomatic and thus have no idea he is a carrier. You may have learned by now that a "full screen" does NOT include a test for herpes. I know: WTF!!


My giver denied it at first. Many months later I learned that he had an active blister that weekend he was enjoying my sweet ass.


Feel free to message me to swap notes. I wish you rapid healing. Your immune system will get it under control shortly!

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