Telling my parents I have herpes. Should I?

[Helzbelz88]

I consider my parents more of friends than parents and tell them most things and I'm pretty sure they know when I'm not telling them something.

 

I haven't told them about H yet because I wanted to live with it and learn that I could so that if I told them I wouldn't think it's the end of the world so they wouldn't either.

 

I'm starting to wonder if this is just adding to my stress by not telling them and maybe I just should. Even just so they know and it's off my chest.

 

I don't know, I haven't felt the need to before and I am going through an OB as well so that might add to it.

 

Just feel like I'm lying to them, some one told me parents don't need to know everything.

 

Just don't know what to do

[WCSDancer2010]

Only YOU can answer this ... but I would take some things into consideration first.

 

Are they open minded? Are they willing to look at something they may not understand? Do they really love unconditionally? What are their values when it comes to sex? Do they "disapprove" of modern dating practices or do they just believe that you are an adult and you live with the consequences of your actions, but those consequences don't make you a "bad" person.

 

If they are as open minded and loving as you imply, well, then it's up to you if you tell them. But if you feel that it would in some way be poorly received by them then I wouldn't bother. My father is 86 ... he has enough of his own stuff to deal with and I know he wouldn't really understand/comprehend if I explained it all to him and gave him the info we have here and whatever. So it wouldn't be constructive in any way to tell him. But we have others on here whose parents know and have been a source of support and love, and others where it's caused a complete split and a lot of heartache.

 

Think about the questions I put up there and I think you will find your answer ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

[Helzbelz88]

Thanks Dancer.

 

I think they would still love me regardless but I've made it so far without them knowing and the only time I feel down about it is if I'm having a bad OB.

 

I think I'll leave it for now at least, my sister knows and other people close to me and I'm strong enough myself.

 

Guess I just worry my mum will get suspicious if I'm ever pregnant and had to have a C - section because of H. Guess like most things I worry about I'll put that in the deal with it if it actually happens category.

 

Xx

[seeker]

hey there helz. I agree with dancer. its your choice and you need to think it through. I would love to tell my mom cause lets face it no one makes you feel like mom does but she has depression and anything that befalls myself or my sister hits her 10x as hard as us. I cant live with that at the moment, yes id like the attaboys and could use the financial help on occasion ( freakin no insurance) but for me its not worth it to "hurt" my mom, yes she would support and love me, of that ive no doubt. other family ive debated, I don't see as much but have thought about it. I have a cousin who is a lesbian and is out. ive thought of talking with her about it and "coming out" to the family. I love her and her partner dearly and even tho she is almost 1/2 my age ( holy crap I got old!!!) I still know that took huge courage and admire her for it. even if my family is a bunch of pseudo progressive rednecks who would have loved her anyway cause if your one of us then F the world. damn I started tearing up writing that. im getting sensitive in my old age.

[Helzbelz88]

Thanks Seeker for your words and emotion

 

I sometimes want a mum hug or their support and I know she would be more hurt I thought I had to go it alone. But I think it's something I'll keep to myself. Sometimes just feel I'm being fake with them because as far as they're concerned I'm happy, and I am just don't like feeling as though I'm keeping something from them.

 

I think because I'm pretty fine most of the time telling them might not provide the support I think I need and cause them more concern than they need.

 

Thanks again :)

[WCSDancer2010]

@seeker

 

Your cousin may love this ... and it may help both of you (you and Helzbelz) in your inquiry about what to do ;)

 

http://www.upworthy.com/a-4-year-old-girl-asked-a-lesbian-if-shes-a-boy-she-responded-the-awesomest-way-possible Ash Beckhams Closet Ted Talk

[ivoryrain]

I just found out yesterday and told my mom this morning. My situation is probably different, though, because she was actually diagnosed almost 2 years ago (likely had it since ~2004 dormantly). I was planning on waiting, as my step dad has cancer and starts chemo Monday. I didn't want to add to the stress, but she texted me asking how my appointment went (she knew I had a UTI and bacterial vaginosis but was still having problems). I was scared she would be disappointed in me because she told me over and over again to be extra careful because she of all people knows that STDs do not discriminate, anyone can get them.

 

As Dancer said, only you can answer this. It may be nice to have someone close to you to lean on. They won't love you any less. If they don't understand H, they may be disappointed, but you can always enlighten them :P

[willow]

I told my parents thru a rage/crying fit as i was rushing out the door on my lunch break to get back to work. Mom has been 100% supportive. Dad wanted to kill the guy haha.

my sister has been my rock through it all. And i can have an easier convo with mom about it. Which has helped my dad understand the virus, cuz at first he was so sad and scared for me.

So id tell mom all the info i learned from this forum, got her to watch adrials video he had made, and she proceeceded to inform my dad.

now mom comes to me asking questions all the time.. (i feel so important! Haha)

And dad has asked questions regarding his buddys coldsores and can my dad get it etc etc. And dad also had shingles a while back so now he understands it a lil better.

 

You dont have to tell them, but its nice to have a cpl people know incase u just want to vent, and get support other than the internet. I dont think it will cause more or less stress if you tell them or not tell them.

[Helzbelz88]

Thanks guys,

 

Yeah I have some close friends that know and my sister who I live with is really awesome about it.

 

I realised never to make a decision while having an OB moods go up and down and emotions run a bit higher than usual.

 

I didn't end up telling them and I'm ok with that.

 

 

Xx

[paranoiahsv1]

i didn't tell my parents and i don't think i will. they are rather very conservative and will most likely judge me and my sexual practices. it's sad that i cannot expect support from my parents but i understand it has something to do with the generational and cultural gap between us. :(