New to the game

[Ihaveittoo1975]

Howdy,

 

I was diagnosed with HSV2 four days ago and although it has been a very up and down the last couple of days I feel as I have managed to stay fairly sane. Not actually knowing for sure between seeing the signs and getting the disappointing diagnose was probably worse for me. Now I just have to deal with it best I can. I know that I will be forever be paying for a drunken stupid period of maybe 10 minutes. And it wasn't even 10 good minutes!!!

 

I think my age helps me a bit too, I am in my late 30's. Reading some of the posts from younger kids who just got the news really pains me, it can't be easy (not that it's really easy for anyone) getting this life long condition at young age.

 

In a sense this couldn't really come at a worse time for me though. I am single and plan on moving to a new city and my hope was to soon start dating there hoping to find what could would be the mom of my future kids. I still have that plan, but this made things slightly more complicated. I hope I will find someone who will see the good parts of me and accept me for who I am and what I've got. I am quite confident in who I am and what I have to offer and I am hoping that will help me moving on. I have a good job and stable finances, am told by others that I am very attractive and in general I have a good personality. I am by no means perfect, if I were I probably wouldn't have made that dumbass mistake I made two weeks ago, and I wouldn't be here posting.

 

I am not bringing up my good qualities here to brag, I am only trying to help those who feel this is the end of the world to look at what they can bring to a relationship, besides being H+.

 

In a strange ways I think I will end up being a better person having to go through this. My life has mostly been good and although I have had my struggles in life I have not had a set back of this caliber before. Had you told me two weeks ago I would get a STD I probably would have laughed in your face. Now that joke is on me. Hopefully it will make me more compassionate for people in tough spots (I've had a tendency to be a bit judgmental sometimes) and although I have always lived a healthy life this will force me to be even better at that. Maybe that six pack I had 15 years ago will see the daylight again. :)

 

I have only told three people about my diagnose, my parents who yet don't know much about this condition but I know will support me in any way they can, and my ex wife. She is actually convinced I will be able to rid myself of this nasty virus as she is a strong believer in natural medicine and healing. Being a bit of a debbie downer and realist myself I am not quite as optimistic but I do appreciate her positive outlook. Maybe I should keep her after all. ;)

 

I am hoping this post will help others who are newly diagnosed see a bit of a light and realize life aint over, and try to see what good can come out of this. I don't know what's in store for me but I feel quite confident that things will work out in the end. Don't get me wrong, I have also had some very dark thoughts in my head the last couple of days, but if I don't take control of the situation as quickly as possible I think it will only take longer for me to get back to a normal life.

 

I would like to thank everyone on this forum who post positive success stories, I think those are the most important posts on this forum as far as helping others move on towards the life they had pre H+. Hopefully, although I have yet to post a success story myself, this post will help some of you feel a bit better and optimistic as well.

 

Take care everyone.

[forgivenessandpeace]

Wow, @Ihaveittoo1975 you have a fantastic attitude and I ADMIRE how accepting and realistic and optimistic you are. I'm sure you'll find a fabulous woman to start a family with.

[Ihaveittoo1975]

Thanks peace.

 

The funny part is that if you ask my ex she would say I am one of the biggest pessimists walking on this planet. I ten to call it being a realist though. I think this experience has quickly made me realize a positive attitude is gonna get me in the right direction much quicker vs being negative.

 

I am definitely pissed off at myself for putting myself in this position, and my temper has had an even shorter fuse the last few days than normal. I don't think one can expect anything differently this early on, no matter how positive you try to be.

 

I am truly glad I found this forum as quickly after being diagnosed as I did. I spend lots of time on a few forums related to my profession, and I know how valuable it can be to listen to those more experienced in a subject than myself. Any doctor diagnosing someone H+ should refer to this forum, especially since many of them seem so clueless about herpes. My doc hardly gave me any sort of info on how to proceed, he pretty much just filled out the form for the rx and then sent me off to the lab for the tests. Luckily I am quite resourceful and always do the most to make sure I am well educated about something concerning me. Knowledge is power.

[WCSDancer2010]

@Ihaveittoo1975

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

So glad you are adjusting pretty well to your "enhanced" status ;)

 

There's no "easy" age to get this .... I've seen 20 yr olds who adjust well and 70 yr olds that totally melt down. A lot depends on whether the person already feels "devalued" as a human being before they are diagnosed. I got it at 17 and it's barely been an issue for me.

 

It's sweet that your ex hopes you can get cured via natural methods ... but I can tell you as a Massage Therapist (who rarely uses Advil and tries to do things naturally) that it just isn't going to happen. BUT, there are plenty of natural things you can do to help the body to fight it off if you start having OB's on a regular basis....

 

You are right - H *can* help you to become a better person ... we have some great discussions on here about how others have grown through their experience that you may enjoy reading :)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2886/herpes-yoga-and-self-love

 

How herpes made me a better person

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2646/how-herpes-made-me-a-better-person inka

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/4351/self-love

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/92/the-positive-side-of-being-herpes-positive

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2150/todays-lesson-brought-to-you-by-the-letter-h Herry

[WCSDancer2010]

And @Ihaveittoo1975

 

Perhaps you can give your Dr some copies of the Handouts that Adrial has graciously designed and the link to his Herpes Youtube blog .... tell him how it has helped you and ask that he photocopy it if needed so he always has copies to hand out ... it's sorta a way to pass it forward :)

 

Handouts + disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

Herpes facts video

[gardeniaflower]

Ihaveittoo1975,

 

Knowledge is power! I always love that phrase; I just used it yesterday.

Great attitude, and it was really nice to read a positive post. I think it's easy to get caught up in less than positive thoughts, so thank you.

 

Sincerely,

Gardenia

[Chinup]

I agree.. Thank you for your positive post @ihaveittoo1975 ! I feel like I could have written that post myself when I was first diagnosed, except from a woman's persoective lol!! I was just diagnosed in August and was feeling super positive myself.. I was really trying to reevaluate how I looked at life and experiences to make each day better.. And I was constantly telling myself that it could be so much worse. However, my positivity has since faded as I am now currently having my second OB.. Just wanted you to know that your post was a pleasure to read and I'm REALLY trying to put my positive pants back on and face the world with a smile again..

[Ihaveittoo1975]

Thanks for the replies and encouragement guys.

 

Chinup,

 

Sorry to hear about your second ob. My first one is on its last verse and while it almost feels like I will be home free (herpes free) I realize the odds are not in my favor for staying ob free for the rest of my life. But, until these suckers decide to come back I will have to keep the hope that they won't. If I do get a second outbreak it will probably bring my mood back down again, just as it has done to you, but as my first ob was 100% pain free (except for some mild pain in my left buttock and leg) I am curious to see what a second one has in store for me. Hopefully it won't be too bad.

 

I have decided not to use any suppressants this first time around to see how my body handles it. I believe my immune system is pretty strong due to living an active and a for the most part healthy lifestyle, something which will hopefully help me in my fight against the virus. Four years ago I had the shingles, and although I was in severe pain for about a week, everyone who had experience with shingles were amazed how quickly I recovered (three weeks).

[Chinup]

Haha I hear you! I had shingles in college lol.. That def sucks too!!! yea my first OB was super mild.. One bump, no symptoms, just a little sensitivity, and cleared up in 3 days with meds. Started on suppressives but decided to stop and give my body a chance. I am also pretty healthy.. I run half marathons, work out a lot, and eat a pretty healthy diet. I made it 4 weeks with no meds before I had my second OB. I was OB free for a total of almost 8 weeks.. But the tingles and paranoia never went away and I was checking down there with a mirror every chance I got. While the OB itself sucks ROYALY.. The emotional and mental side sucks just as bad. It's on my mind 24/7.. Am I about to have an OB? Is that prodrome? Why does it itch? Is anyone going to accept me this way? Will I be alone forever? Will people think im dirty? Even when it's not "there" physically, it's there mentally.. Ya know? Meds and time make the OB go away, but what makes the heart heal? That's what I'm struggling with at the moment.. But as for my second OB, I think it's starting to clear up.. At least I'm hoping! I'm back on the meds to kick it out and I'll likely stay on suppressives for a bit after to see what happens.. I've got some races coming up soon and I cant afford to sit out because I'm "under the weather" :-/

 

Hope yours continues to heal and that you stay OB free :-) if you get that second one or feel down in the dumps, we are all here for you :-) anywho, keep that positivity coming.. I know I sure need it!!!

[Ihaveittoo1975]

Although I am a noob at this I can definitely relate to all of your questions. Being a fairly newly single I am also constantly asking myself "Will anyone want me like this?". I try to force me into the thought that I have a lot more positive to offer vs negative, but that is not always helping me. Just walking in a super market I am asking myself "I wonder if this or that woman would accept me". But then I also think that with one out of four women being H+, maybe we are in the same boat. :) This past week it has been the first thought in the morning and the last at night. I have a heard time shaking it off. Only a week has passed since my diagnose and I realize it will get better with time, but right now i have a very hard time focusing on anything else.

 

Since you, Chinup, mentioned you do a lot of working out, have you noticed it actually contributing ina negative way to your ob? I know you are only on your second one, but maybe someone else can chime in. The reason I ask is that I read that working out too intensely can cause ob's, but at the same time exercise is a way of staying healthy and keeping ob's away. Can too much exercise do more damage than good? The same week I contracted H I had just started to get into my work out routine again trying to get back into the shape I prefer to be in and I would like to continue with my routine, once I gather enough mental strength to get back into the gym.

[Chinup]

I have the same thoughts too lol! Mine are more along the lines of: "hmmm 1 in 4.. Who else here has H besides me?".. I was at target this morning and that's all I could think about.. I guess maybe it helps me feel less alone :-( I know of a few friends that have it, but I'm not close enough with them to disclose that I now have it too.. I wish I had someone close to me that I could confide in and share all of this with, although I would obviously never wish this on anyone else. But it does make me wonder if I do have closer friends that have it who haven't felt comfortable to disclose to me..

 

Im two months in and I still find it hard to think of anything else. I have to make a serious effort to keep myself busy and occupied, otherwise my thoughts will drive me crazy! The first few nights after my diagnosis I couldn't sleep at all... I eventually just crashed one night from sheer exhaustion. I still have sleepless nights here and there when I can't get it out of my head or the worries of living alone forever won't go away.. But when the OB is gone, it's a lot easier to focus on living a "normal" life.. The new "normal" I suppose.

 

As for working out.. I stopped immediately after my diagnosis.. I waited for my first OB to clear up completely and i started with short, easy workouts and walking. Then eased my way back into my regular routine and I didn't have any issues. Just listen to your body! I make sure to shower asap after my workouts and if I'm not feeling "normal", I don't workout. I make sure to Drink lots and lots of water too!! I would advise to start slow after your OB clears and see how your body reacts. I have a half marathon in a few weeks and I'll prob stay on my suppressives during my training and likely double up that week until it's over and hopefully it won't cause me any issues. ill have to see how my body handles it before I sign up for anymore, which makes me SUPER depressed. Running is my thing and I'll be completely devastated if my body can't handle it anymore.

 

Isn't it crazy how much of a double standard this thing creates?? Work out and be healthy to avoid an OB.. but not too intensely that you cause one. Manage your stress so you don't have an OB.. Yet, how in the world are you supposed to manage your stress when you are in the middle of one?? Lol ya know?? Ughhhh I guess we will eventually figure out how to listen to and treat our bodies to prevent/avoid future OBs! I think you'll be fine going back to the gym though :-)

[forgivenessandpeace]

The more I read about this infection the more I'm convinced the mental anguish comes not just from the stigma but physically, from the virus in the spinal cord, as well. I swear sometimes I feel like those critters are running up my spinal cord all the way to my brain and wreaking havoc there by irritating the nerves. Little Mother Fuckers--get back!

 

Or maybe that's just my normal crazy. Either way, bad outbreaks are like getting mono: you've got to take care of yourself on every level.

 

Thank God for this forum :)

[WCSDancer2010]

I'm convinced the mental anguish comes not just from the stigma but physically, from the virus in the spinal cord

 

It's not IN the spinal cord ... it's in the ganglion where the external nerves meet the nerves that come out from the spinal cord. This picture will help you to understand where it hangs out a bit better

 

http://img.medscape.com/article/745/104/Slide19.png