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I can't help but feel unworthy of love


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I keep telling myself I'm not my "gift", but every time I think of a future with someone.. I have this shame associated with my Herpes.

January will be my one year anniversary with Herpes and sometimes I just wish it was all a bad dream. I've tried dating but cut things off quickly because I can't bring myself to have the talk.. I'm terrified to tell someone that might tell someone else and I'm not ready to come out of the closet yet so to speak. Is there really love and happiness after Herpes?

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I don't know that I'm exactly the person to give advice just yet, but I felt I could throw in my two cents. I've only known about my H for 3 months. And I am learning in leaps and bounds, all there is to know about living with this. And with that I am learning that there is a choice I must make. Every day. Every day I have to decide that the life I have always wanted can still be possible. I want a husband and children. And even when I don't trust myself, I still look in the mirror every morning and make a promise to myself to at least try. Am I scared? Hell yes! Am I still depressed? Absolutely. I cover a full spectrum of emotion every day. And I am preparing to disclose again, for my second time ever, after Christmas. The fact that I feel I can do it, reminds me that I must have some kind of courage in me, somewhere, otherwise how could I ever do it? You have to push through the terror and fight for what you want, as I am fighting every day. I am digging deep in my reserves, which is exhausting. But you have to.

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@pheonix33

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

I need to head to bed so I have to keep this brief, but yes, you CAN find love and happiness with Herpes. I've had it 35 yrs, had a 20 yr marriage and 2 three yr relationships in that time.

 

To start with, read all the Success Stories that you can on here... really get to your core how many people have not only found love, but found a DEEPER and more MEANINGFUL love than they ever imagined possible :)

 

I'll be back on tomorrow to comment further ...

 

(((HUGS)))

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Ah, this is such a common fear. And I get that it doesn't help minimize the pain (or the fear) to hear that it's so common. But here's the fascinating part: These fears of being unlovable have ALWAYS been there on some level. Herpes just seems to excavate those fears and put them right up in our faces. Before, these fears might be little whispers of our unconscious mind that we don't even notice, but they're pervasive. When something like herpes comes around, it can finally seem like PROOF that the little voice we've been hearing in the background is actually RIGHT.

 

But it's not unless you let it be. You really do create your own reality around this. Yes, herpes has stigma around it. Yes, there are judgmental people in the world. Yes, there will be rejection when we put our hearts on the line. And you know what? That's how life is for everyone, whether they have herpes or something else they judge themselves about. I can tell you, I felt similar to how you're feeling for YEARS ... but then I realized I was beating myself up instead of healing. That's why I created H Opp. You don't have to suffer. And you get to feel whatever you're feeling right now with love and compassion for yourself. Just be wary of creating some story about how your future will be ...

 

"Whether you think you can or you think you can't ... you're right." — Henry Ford

 

And keep coming back and getting support in feeling exactly what you're feeling and getting out what you need to get out. This is a process of uncovering all those false beliefs that have been holding you back from receiving the love you deserve for longer than herpes has been around. This is a process of bringing the unconscious patterns into more and more conscious awareness ... so they can be healed and so you can live a fulfilled life. :)

 

Big hugs to you. Thank you for sharing yourself here. You're in good company.

Notes:

  • My mother is now in hospice with end-stage cancer, so I am at her house a lot these days helping where I can until she passes. Thank you in advance for understanding if I am not as quick to respond as I normally would be. This is a precious and bittersweet time …
  • This content is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis. I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

Helpful resources:

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Honey ... we are ALL broken. We all have our insecurities. We all have had things happen to us that have knocked our legs out from under us.

 

All we can do is continue to work on finding self love first. We have to learn to love our broken-ness. The Japanese have a Pottery Art called kintsukuroi - it’s the art of repairing broken pottery with gold. The philosophy is that breakage and repair is part of the history of an object, not something to disguised. It ties into the Japanese philosophy of wabi-sabi … embracing the flawed and imperfect. This art form sees and celebrates the cracks and repairs as simply an event in the life of an object rather than allowing its service to end at the time of its damage or breakage.

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/kintsukuroi-celebrating-in-your-brokenness/

 

Herpes can have a way of helping us to learn to find our authentic selves. Check these discussions out to help you see how you can use herpes to help you to become a stronger, more amazing version of you ...

 

(((HUGS)))

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2886/herpes-yoga-and-self-love

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/92/the-positive-side-of-being-herpes-positive

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/4351/self-love

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/4780/be-our-own-therapy

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