Feel I just ended marriage

Getbetter111 · December 23, 2014

My worst fear is a reality.the guilt of giving it to my wife has been eating me alive.I told her,you and myself it was only a handjob but the truth is I also had protected sex when out of country in area where it's just kinda put in your face"girls working" got kinda of drunk and did the unthinkable knowing the hole time it was wrong.got tested 2 weeks later pos for h1 so was told I have had for some time with a high igg. Couldn't keep in any longer but really still haven't said yes I slept with someone but she knows from how bad my guilt is and almost saying it. She said she couldn't handle that and I just go back to it didn't happen hiding behind a lie.if it turns out to be H2 we will both know that's were it came from.All I can do is pray that doesn't happen and she can somehow forgive me ? Don't feel she should. She is my everything and I have taken every thing in my life for granted now it's all come down.this will destroy a great family.

Fairisle · December 23, 2014

Oh boy.. The only thing I can say is that honestly in this case is probably the best policy (as I believe is almost always the case) whatever you do, don't make excuses for yourself and allow her to be angry at you and to have whatever feelings she has about it. Tell her that it was a mistake and that you love her and want to stay together, but be prepared for her to need space. My advice is to allow her whatever she needs to recover. People have worked through infidelity in the past, it's possible that you can too. The only thing worse than owning up to it is her finding out another way.. Your truthfulness now and how you choose to handle the fall out determines whether or not your marriage stands a chance.

Goodluck, be well!

kyana · December 23, 2014

I think the best thing you could do at this point is tell her the truth. More than likely she already knows and is just waiting for you to admit it.

WCSDancer2010 · December 23, 2014

I have to agree with the above - you need to just plain come clean. For 2 reasons (ie: Woman's perspective ;) ):

1) If a woman asks you a question, odds are she knows the answer ... so if you have talked about it, from everything you are saying, odds are she knows you are lying, which brings me to

2) The more you lie, the bigger the hole you dig. I can tell you that I detest a liar (for my own personal relationships) ... tell me the truth and we'll work it out. Tell me a lie and now I have a double breach of my trust .... and I'll always wonder what you will do to cover up *other* things that you are afraid may cause problems with us.

I strongly suggest that you get into marriage counseling NOW ... even if it's on your own for the moment. If she sees you making an effort to clean things up, you may have a fighting chance. If she sees you continuing to try to cover your ass and not to the WORK needed to save the marriage (lying is NOT the work!) then the chances are she will move on.

Here's some Marriage counseling info for you friend. I wish you the best of luck. You have your work cut out for you..... :(

http://guidedoc.com/6-best-types-of-marriage-counseling

http://www.therapistlocator.net/imis15/content/directories/Locator_Search_US.aspx

Getbetter111 · December 24, 2014

I have told her.we are going to try and work it out for are family and us as life partners.She is the strongest most important person in my life.i don't want one big mistake to end life as we know it.The biggest worry now is if this could be something thats different that could be a life threat she is going to get checked out when we get home.Is there anything else that causes blisters that we should be worried about?I was test for everything do others take time to show up?

WCSDancer2010 · December 24, 2014

Good for you! You just took the biggest step to turning your life around. Proud of you!

Very very unlikely that she has anything "life threatening" going on ... you just need to get re-tested in a few months and if she gets swabbed NOW you *may* get an answer back (though if it's negative it may just be that she waited too long to go to the Dr).

For the next few months you need to work on the marriage and *try* to not over-think the issue of Herpes until you have had at least 4 months post exposure to get tested. After that test is done, THEN you will either have an answer or you may need to look at other options ... in the mean time, no use is wasting energy on worrying about it ... nothing at this point can be changed there ... time to put the energy into re-building trust and communication :)

Good luck - keep us posted about your results :)

And Happy Holidays!

Getbetter111 · December 26, 2014

Today all my feelings are on overload again.my wife is having first discomfort after having blisters for 3 weeks or more. Not sure if I can take anymore guilt. We both feel it is H2 after I told her. I want to get tested again ASAP to see if any igg shows up for 2.we are both wanting it to stay h1 hoping for mild or none after this.wcd dancer you said that you have spoke with people that have had this bad and long first OB of H1 ?I can just feel how bad I have hurt her she is the most faithful person u could ever ask for and I failed her. I always told her if something was to happen to me I want you to be happy and find someone else.now I know that will be much harder.how am I to live with that on my shoulders.There are many things that make us want to work it out.thanks for all your help!

WCSDancer2010 · December 26, 2014

I want to get tested again ASAP to see if any igg shows up for 2

There's no use in going for the IgG until you have had it for at least 3 months - preferably 4 ... but if she's having and ACTIVE OB then she can go for a swab which (assuming they get a good catch) might tell you a bit quicker which one she has..

If she had gone for help 3 weeks ago she might not be having as much discomfort now ... but that was HER choice ... you said she refused to go. So please stop taking on ALL the burden for her discomfort ... at this point she needs to start doing some of the things we have been suggesting all along (has she tried L Lysine or the Epsom Salts baths or any of the other things suggested in previous posts???)

What is done is done ... you can't change that ... so from this point on you just have to do whatever you can to make up for it ... BUT ... you can't force her to do the things that she needs to do to get help and reduce her discomfort :(

Certainly, with not taking any meds/L Lysine nor doing anything to help to dry them up, H1 could easily last this long on a 1st OB .... especially with women because where we get them is very thin and tender and it stays moist ... perfect conditions for Herpes to flourish ... so she needs to start doing things to help it to dry up..... I'll post the links again for you to show her ....

Treatments/medications

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/easy-simple-self-help-tips-for-relief-from-herpes-outbreaks/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/4810/bactine-for-oral-and-even-genital-herpes

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-treatment/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-medication/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-treatment/#more-2122

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1802/going-the-natural-route

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1624/herpes-medication-genital-hsv-1-how-to-keep-herpes-outbreaks-clean-dry

Links to some of the items suggested in the links

http://tinyurl.com/pmosahc Link to Alum

http://tinyurl.com/Aloecream

http://tinyurl.com/bactine