Welcoming positivity and words of encouragement from kindred spirits.

[witchofportobello]

Hello everyone,

 

 

I'm new to (h) opportunity. I actually found you guys last night and decided to create a membership today. I believe I'm experiencing my first outbreak, I will know for sure this coming Monday, but all roads point to that direction in terms of symptoms. The first day (3 days ago) that I was told it's very likely that I have genital herpes..I took it well. I immediately said to myself better to know than not to know, and that from this day forward this would be a prompt to take better care of myself both physically and emotionally, to change me relationship dynamics for more healthy ones, and truly love and value the person that I am. I felt strong and empowered. I even reached out the guy I had been seeing for the past 6 months immediately to let him know. On the second day, I guess I went into denial mood, holding out hope that it was some kind of bacterial or yeast infection. I spent all of yesterday convincing myself that I will find someone who will love the entire package and that my dreams of having a family are not in the toilet. Today, I'm a total and utter mess. I have all of these racing negative thoughts about who I am as a person and my worth. I feel like a horrible person, like a disgusting horrible person. I've really gone off the deep end today no matter what I do I can't talk myself back. The thought that even if I have it my partner only had a 4% chance of contracting anything. When do you stop crying and imagining every worst case scenario possible? Please tell me I'm not unique in having racing negative thoughts that just won't let up.

[ihaveittoo]

Hello @witchofportobello,

 

I have had herpes for 28 years now. I can tell you what your feeling right now is pretty much the norm. We've all been thru it. You are at the worst part. You've done the right thing coming here. Read as much as you can. Many have gone before you who have posted their stories here. You'll find many common threads in the stories that can help show you a way thru. Basically herpes is just a speed bump in life. In the grand scheme of things its really insignificant. You can still love and be loved. You can still have children. Nothing has really changed except for now you have a nuisance little skin condition. You are not horrible. You are not disgusting. In time you'll feel alot better about yourself. Learn all you can. The ebook and handouts are a great starting point. If I can overcome this you can too. See if there is a local support group in your area. It did wonders for me to actually talk face to face with others who understood. Hang in there. Others will be along behind me. I think everybody is out and about on this Saturday night.

[witchofportobello]

hey! omg thank you so much for your kind words, for reaching out, thank you. I'm glad to know that I'm not unique. Unfortunately, there isn't a support group in northern jersey. I am going to look into starting one. I can't help but be so angry at the stigma attached to.

[PositivelyBeautiful]

Hi witchofportobello, Just wanted to send you a quick note to let you know that you are not alone. As Ihaveittoo said, we have all been there, and most of us come through stronger, more loving and compassionate than before. Being in the beginning, you will go through a series of emotions, and the negative ones are the hardest to shake. But you seemed to have started out on the right foot, understanding that you can take this experience and turn it into something positive in your life. When will you stop crying? I can't answer that, everyone takes the time they need. But you must recognize that you do have a choice here... we can't take this back, we are going to have to deal with this and live with this, so we have two options: 1- beat ourselves up, feed into the narrow-minded stigma, destroy our beauty and self-worth with negative thoughts, or 2- forgive and accepted ourselves as we are, recognize that nothing has changed about who we are, and love ourselves even more than we did before. I choose the latter. What is the point of living negatively? We still have so much to appreciate and be thankful for. We have not lost our sight, our ability to run or walk, to explore this boundless world. We are not going to die from this, and we can undertake every opportunity and experience that presents itself, even love. We caught a virus, just like the common cold, and all that means is that we are human... and susceptible to catching viruses. It could happen to anyone. Take some time to cry, to sulk, to process those emotions, but don't get stuck there. Work your way back to a positive place, and try to find the silver lining... you will be ok, and you will get through this, and love yourself no matter what. And when you struggle, we will all be here to support you, and tell you how worthy you are to love and be loved.

[WCSDancer2010]

@witchofportobello

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

As already mentioned, you are having a very normal reaction...because of the social stigma, you are having a typical "grief" reaction ... and now that you are in it, you will just have to ride it out, allow yourself to feel the emotions, process them, and grow from the experience.As @Positive said, many who come on here later report that they have grown and become stronger and better for having gone through this. So trust the process and come here when you need to vent, ask questions, get advice, or even to support others as you move through your experience....because you will find that in doing so you will heal as you help others ;)

 

I managed to find a group in Northern NJ for you

 

Northern New Jersey HELP -

 

Northern New Jersey Help

P.O. Box 41, Manville, NJ 08835

Ph: (908) 707-4651

 

Let me know if that is legit but I think it's up to date in the info

 

(((HUGS)))

[alittleshy2009]

@witchofportobello

 

Hello there!

 

Sounds like you're having some anxiety about your recent diagnosis. Which is alright and is perfectly normal. The best thing to realize when you are having the racing, negative thoughts is to realize that you're just experiencing anxiety. Take a deep breath, and try to let the thoughts pass. Negative thoughts do not serve you or do you any good! Be gentle with and to yourself right now.

 

Your anxiety is a sign that you have compassion for yourself (which is a good thing, some don't!) and are just simply worried about your future. But listen, with or without H... You still don't have control of your future. So let it go, and breath though it.

 

I can relate to your situation so I hope that I can be of some help! I was formally diagnosed with HSV2 in November of last year with a blood and culture test. Although, apparently I had it for YEARS! I went in often to my gyno for them to take a look at my outbreak and say 'oh that's just razor burn NBD' or 'yeast infection' and even 'bacterial vag'. Then, I finally saw another doctor who took and look and said 'oh sweetie, you have herpes!' I was like NO WAY! When I looked back, I remember my first outbreak. Got it from a cheating boyfriend - thanks a**hole! ;)

 

I really like how you said you felt empowered after your diagnosis and glad that you knew rather than denying it. I felt the exact same way!!! At first I was distraught, I was even crying at work it was a terrible feeling.. I thought my life was over. And then, one day I looked at myself in the mirror and popped that big blue pill in my mouth and said 'I have herpes.' And I had this feeling like I was stronger because of it.

 

Don't worry about finding love. You don't need to look for it anyway, with or without H. And you're totally not a horrible person, trust me! You obviously care about yourself or you wouldn't be here seeking help and support!

 

There are so many people out there living with H 1&2 and they ignore the signs. They live everyday knowing something is wrong but don't have the courage to go get tested and confront the truth. You're an individual who knows their status, so own it! I mean, you don't have to flaunt it and I wouldn't recommend that. But this gives you an opportunity to make H your wingman and filter out all the BS relationships. It's hard to think of it now, but it's so true! I had my first disclosure just a few weeks back (scary, nerve wrecking experience) but SO worth it in the end.. Hey I never heard back from him. But that just shows HIS character not mine! And same goes for you!

 

Be yourself, love yourself, and take care of yourself. That's all you can do in life - with or without H.. Forget the other BS and Live your life!!!!!!!

 

Love and light to you!!!