the depression and stigma i feel

[Days_mommy]

hi.. i dont know how to start this talk..

other than to say that i have hpv and had genital warts..while i was pregnant..the pain i went through was awful...

my son's father had herpes and he understood the rejection...how u are always outside looking n..so we chose to accept eachother..

well he left me..and when he left i was pregnant..but im pretty sure that's not the only thing he left..i have obvious herpes which i was just tested for..

but what i cant understanf is how or why it would remain dormat. for YEARS. its been since 2012..

i feel depressed all tge time..like who would ever love me now..i dont even love me..and i just saw a comment from a 31 yr old woman on here..and i decided this forum could help me..

my best friend is hiv positive..so she understands..but its a lonely road..and with herpes well they come and go n a couple weeks..but the warts..its yrs..and i just am really struggling..can anyone offer any helpful thought of encouragement???

[MMissouri]

I don't understand why you still have genital warts? Haven't you had treatment for them? There are many ways you can get those removed.

 

As for the herpes, a lot of people have it for years and never know. Have you had a chance to read the handouts on the forum? Those and the videos can answer some of your questions in regards to H. I'm sure someone will pop on with some statistics for you.

 

I would start by going to the doctor about the HPV issue. See what your options are. Since that is weighing on you more heavily than H at the moment, I would deal with that first. Although it may not seem like it at the moment, it's okay. Everything will work out and you'll get past this.

[Days_mommy]

I've already went through cryotherapy..actually I've already come to.terms with the hpv. its really ththe hsv2 possibility. like i said i just got tested and havent gotten the results but seeing as i know what they look like I'm sure thats what it is..

i joined for the moral support and to know im not alone..

[Days_mommy]

also i know i have hsv1 which doesnt bother me..so im not really sure why this bothers me so much..

maybe its the double whammy of it partnered w the hpv..

[WCSDancer2010]

@Days_mommy

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

First, you are FAR from alone regarding having HPV/genital warts (genital warts are one of about 40 kinds of HPV). According to the CDC, EVERYONE who is sexually active will likely get at least one of the strains of HPV at some point or other.

 

HPV is so common that most sexually-active men and women will get at least one type of HPV at some point in their lives.

 

http://www.cdc.gov/std/HPV/STDFact-HPV.htm

 

If your genital warts are still there, you should be able to get them frozen off... if they have been dealt with then odds are it's dormant now.... so really it's not as big a thing as some think it is.

 

As for possibly having Herpes ... yes, H can be dormant for a long time. Remember, 80% of people have it and don't know it because if they *did* have symptoms they were so mild they thought it was razor burn, rough sex, ingrown hair, heat rash, or whatever... but for many it stays dormant for many years ... sometimes forever... I had a client who was married 30yrs before her first OB....

 

I've had Herpes for 35 yrs ... I believe I had genital warts way back then too but I've never had a test come back to confirm it ... but the warts are harmless and for me herpes is a nuisance skin condition in a really inconvenient place ;)

 

Sounds like you already have self esteem issues ... I would urge you to get some help for THAT ... because really, the stigma around Herpes is just a result of ignorance ..and really, you will find out who your TRUE friends are and those who really care for YOU because they won't care if you have Herpes.... if they know how great you are a little virus won't change anything ... not even in the area of love. Promise :)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

Handouts + disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

Herpes facts video

[Days_mommy]

@WCSDancer2010

Thank you for the information.

I think this site will be a nice place to express my feelings. and not have to feel alone. i am.looking forward to everyone. and the positive upbeat energy. and.most importantly the.outlook that it doesn't define me.

[PositivelyBeautiful]

Hey, I don't know if my words will help beyond what was already expressed... but you are not alone. We have all felt those feelings at some point in time... all questioned our self-worth... but ask yourself, honestly, how can anyone else in this world determine YOUR worth? You have control over that... you decide. So you're human, and you caught a virus, that doesn't change anything about who you are as a person, as a loving mother and friend, that does not diminish anything you have to offer this world. You are unique, and you are beautiful, and the right person will recognize just how special you are, and will love you regardless of any medical diagnosis. But you have to love you first. You have to do the work to get your mind and your heart back to a place where you feel and believe that you are worthy of love. It all starts from within. It's not going to be easy, and it might just be the hardest thing you ever have to do, but every moment that you make a conscious effort to change those negative thoughts, you will be taking a step in that direction. Make a list of all the things that make you worthy and special, and read it every single day if you can. Do anything and everything to bring joy and happiness in your life, and live in those moments to remind yourself how beautiful it is to be alive and well. Please don't take your life for granted, it's far too precious to dwell in negativity. Yes, you might falter and have bad days... but that's ok. As long as you keep striving to love yourself, you will prevail. Believe.

 

I'm a quotes kinda girl... and found this one the other day:

 

"We don't live in a world where we're taught to look inward to resolve ourselves. We look outward to fulfill ourselves, a feat that leaves us defeated time after time."

 

Find the love in you, and don't ever let anyone decide on your behalf that you are unworthy. Claim your worth, you deserve love.

[Days_mommy]

@PositivelyBeautiful

thank you again for those kind words..i know that this is a forum designed to reach out to h+ ppl but when i read about a woman who was both hsv and hpv positive i really wanted to join..because my.journey has not.been easy..and ive really felt alone alot because ppl around me just dont understand..i mean aquiring something like this is not accepted well..so im just trying.to learn to not let it define me ANYMORE,

[PositivelyBeautiful]

@Days_mommy... welcome... to give you some insight, I have been diagnosed with all three... HPV (although no warts, and low risk, ie; not cancerous), HSV1 and HSV2 (asymptomatic). I feel ya. HPV was honestly something I expected because literally everyone gets it by the time they reach a certain age... but the HSV2, that was the hardest blow. I cried for two days, but then made a choice. Because ultimately, nothing about me had changed, and I was not going to allow society's stigma to define my worth. I'm not invincible; sometimes I am scared, and sad... but I know life could be faaarrr worse. I can run, see, sing, dance, travel and love... I am ok. It's all a matter of perspective. I also feel more love for myself than ever before... you'll get there too one day. Keep trying. :)

[Days_mommy]

i tell ya..on the days when i dont want to get up..i get.up for my son..i know at the end of the day, theres at least one reason God gives me another day..

[Jim]

I have had HPV and HSV for too many years to want to think about. I still have plenty of negative thoughts. It's hard enough to find someone at nearly 60 years old, having these makes it seem impossible. I wish I had something more inspirational to say, I just know how you feel, you're not alone.

[WCSDancer2010]

Again folks - remember, the CDC says EVERYONE who is sexually active will get HPV in their life ... many of the strains are totally harmless.... if you had warts and they are dormant, you are probably fine (I would check with your Dr but really, warts are harmless and easily dealt with anyway). There are only 4 or 5 strains of the 40 or so that are harmful/*may* cause cancer and even so, those cancers are easily treated if caught early (they take about 5 yrs to go from pre-cancer to cancer so if you have regular check-ups you will catch it early enough).

 

[Days_mommy]

actually..warts r not harmless...the cryotherapy u go through involves about ten needles going n ur nether region for numbing..which hurts worse than child.birth btw...and then the doctor starts cutting and burning them off..they bleed for days..its awful..that experiwnce made me.never wish this on anyone.

[Days_mommy]

either way..stds suck. alot. i went through the cryo to have a normal birth..because its possible the warts could infect my son..and it would go in his throat and suffocate him..as far as the (hate saying it) herpes...they hurt like a mf.

[MMissouri]

I think WCSDancer means that genital warts don't cause any long term health problems. The treatment is painful, but the virus goes dormant (for most people) and once that happens, there isn't a risk of transmission (if I understand that right). There is always a risk when you have an STD with childbirth. (Even the little STDs, funny how that sounds). I've been doing some research on HPV since it's been coming up on the boards lately, it's a gray area. Most doctors say it isn't even worth disclosing once your paps come up clear. (For whatever that's worth)

[MMissouri]

I wanted to add that I tested positive for this when I was 16, and never had it come up on a pap since. I'm starting to rethink it though, seeing how many of you react to it. Maybe I should have been disclosing all this time? Ugh.

[WCSDancer2010]

Honey, I've had genital warts ... and as @MMissouri said, my point is they won't kill you or have any long-term ill effects on your health ... and as she said, the current thinking is that once HPV is dormant it's pretty much a non-issue. I for one don't disclose because mine isn't showing up on Paps either. AGAIN ... pretty much everyone has one kind of HPV or other if they are at all sexually active ... so folks, unless you have an ACTIVE HPV issue don't sweat it.....

 

And yes, Herpes OB's can hurt ... a LOT. AND, they get better with time and you get better at managing them. Mine barely bother me at all now. I feel the tingle, I take a double dose of antivirals for a couple days, hit it externally with Alum or Bactine (I'm experimenting with it ... I *think* it works!), or Oragel Single does (really expensive but useful to keep in a purse for OB's on the road .. it's the same ingredients as Bactine). I go commando and keep it dry and within 2-3 days it's scabbed, gone, and never got to a point where it's painful.

 

One thing H does is manes you become aware of your mental and physical health ... you can use it to help you to know when it's time to start to take better care of yourself ... because mine always comes out when I'm doing too much or stressed for some reason ... as soon as I get my life back in balance it goes away ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

[Days_mommy]

i am trying to get past the trauma of the experiences I've had so far..its awful..but one thing im greatful for is the fact that the hpv i have doesnt cause cancer..

[Days_mommy]

ive got to start thinking positively...at least its not hiv... at least it shouldnt kill me. and ive got so much to live for

[WCSDancer2010]

EXACTLY!!! In the grand scheme of things Herpes really truly is a very small speed bump... there's soooooo many worse things that can, and likely WILL happen to you... you have the choice about how you want to go forward from here .... and I can promise you from experience that H doesn't *have* to ruin your life unless you allow it to :)

 

(((HUGS)))

[Days_mommy]

thanks!!!