need a little help

[canziface23]

I've been recently seeing this guy and he knows I have herpes. He told me he's ok with it but he's still scared of catching it. Is there anything I can do or say to him to help him out and be a little less scared?

[Days_mommy]

i mean...anyone who's never been burned is scared of it..what my sons dad did was he actually showed me a breakout and explained to me that yeah it hurts a little but if u just take the meds, it is not bad. most time it pushes it right back down the nerve and away from the skin..

i guess dont have sex either until u really feel it's right...

but then again im not sure if my comment is helpful? i tried though.

 

[PositivelyBeautiful]

I think it's a matter of reassuring him that you will do everything you can to keep him from getting herpes, ie: use condoms, take anitvirals and avois sex during OBs or prodromes. I am not sure if you have already had sex, but if not, maybe go slow, do other things besides sex until he gets to a place where his fears slowly dissipate. Develop that trust, so that you are not just going all in right away. Also, has he been tested? There is no way of knowing if he is carrier or not unless he has been, and this could be beneficial for both of you. Also, perhaps, it might be useful if both of you sit down with a medical professional who knows the ins and outs about herpes and STDs, so he can openly express his concerns and get some answers. If you don't have a doctor in your area that you trust, the Westover Heights Clinic does phone consultations at $5/min, but they are experts, and perhaps consulting an expert can help him better accept and understand what it means to be with you and how to deal with this. Hope this helps.

[MMissouri]

In addition to what positivelybeautiful said, you could give him the handouts and have him watch some of Adrial's videos. It might help!

[WCSDancer2010]

@canziface23

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

I agree that the first step is to get him tested first ... simply because so many people are asymptomatic carriers there's a chance he may already have it ... and while he may *think* he's been tested, odds are he hasn't unless he specifically asked for it.

 

Beyond that, I'd say go slow. REAL slow. For now, find other ways to be intimate while he learns about the facts and how living with H affects you. To be honest, having H can sorta force you to find lots of other ways to get your freak on which can be a lot of fun :)

 

http://herpeslife.com/keeping-your-partner-herpes-free-can-be-super-sexy/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/5807/list-the-ways-to-protect-my-partner-from-getting-herpes-hsv2

 

We have a section just for H- partners here so you may want to suggest that he come on here and ask about anything that he needs to know to help him to understand and relax ... We have people who are in discordant (one has H, one doesn't) relationships here and others who know people who have been in this kind of relationship for many, many years and not passed it on. So it may help for him to talk to people who are living the reality.

 

If you can find a local support group, he may want to go and ask questions there too. Also, taking him to your OBGYN to have them explain it to him may help.

 

Most people fear what they don't understand. So the more you can help him to understand the facts (including the fact that given that 80% of people with Herpes don't know they have it so odds are he's been "exposed" to it in the past at least once if he's been at all sexually active ... or he WILL be if you eventually break up for whatever reason) then odds are he will get more comfortable with dealing with the very small risk. One other thing to point out to him... a life well lived will entail taking risks. If he drives a car, he risks injury or death every day. Many sports have the risk of injury or death. See what I mean? There are tons of things that he likely does every day that could hurt him MUCH more than Herpes ... and it's just a matter of him realizing that.

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/driving-yourself-crazy/

 

We have some great resources for him here ... handouts, e-book, and the video link below are a great place to start...

 

Good luck - we're here to help however we can :)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

Handouts + disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

 

Herpes facts video