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How do i know if it safe for sex?

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Hey cariboo!


Generally, 7-10 days after my herpes outbreaks heal is how long I wait until I have sex. And it depends on how much risk your partner is willing to take on when it comes to wearing a condom and/or taking herpes medication. Have you read the handouts to get all the info broken down on the risks of transmitting herpes?


Hard to say in your case specifically what not feeling "normal" means as far as risk is concerned. How the % risk is determined is on average out of all the cases they've studied.


http://bit.ly/1FfHyH4 (free e-book & handouts with awesome info)


Also, have you seen these?






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  • This content is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis. I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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I have read the risks of transmission, and a couple of the links you provided for me. I dont feel all tingly now, but im on a high dose of valtrex, i just feel slightly "sunburned". ive been married many years and have no idea how or when i got this. My husband has never had any symptoms and i worry about infecting him. I havent felt normal "there" since i was diagnosed. Im worried that i can pass it still. My dr says im being silly, that im fine. But i know what normal feels like...



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He has never had symptoms and has never been tested. Our sex life isnt good. Havent been intimate in more than a year. We have been working on other aspects of our relationship. I told him we needed to work on "Us" before the sex can come back. As you can imagine my herpes diagnosis didnt help matters.... However, it is forcing us to talk about uncomfortable things that I would avoid in the past. We did talk about the herpes but we need to revisit it. We only discussed it when i told him about it.


He did ask if I thought he should get tested and I told him that it was his decision. But now Im thinking that I wont be able to have sex with him again if I dont know. If he has it it wont matter but if he doesnt then I will be scared to have him touch me again. We already have so many issues that we are trying to work through.


Communication has always been an issue. This will either make us stronger I guess or end it. We are both at fault, I avoid conflict and he thinks the only right opinion is the one he is expressing....sigh. But this one cant be avoided.


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Well, for one thing, regarding if he doesn't have it, if you had sex all that time and he never got it, then odds are in your favor that he won't get it now ... and if you take the anti-virals you reduce the risk even further ... so I really hope that you won't use Herpes as a reason to not have sex. If you are not ready because you have to work on stuff, that's fine ... but PLEASE don't let a friggin virus take that away from the pair of you.


It sounds like you really need some marital counseling .... so I hope you will look into that. Some things just plain need a "mediator" of sorts, and it sounds like you guys have gotten to that point :(


One thing you may want to consider.. @Adrial is an Ah-Mazing Life Coach and you could work with him via Skype ... so you may want to consider talking to him about arranging something. You can contact him on here or at http://www.adriallifecoaching.com/

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I guess I am worried because I have never had outbreak, only things that i look back on and think "maybe" it could have been. We have been seeing a counsellor. Seems to make things both better in some ways but worse in other ways. At least it is making me talk, and him actually hear what im saying instead of thinking about how he will reply.

So many layers to work through... the Herpes has just added another layer. I guess we will either work thru it or not. I cant worry about what might or might not happen.

I just know that if he now contracts it what his reaction will be....




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Your marriage isn't "stupid shit"... :)


Shoulda/woulda/coulda won't get you anywhere ... what could have been won't get you anywhere... so focus your attention on the issue at hand ... seeing if your marriage is strong enough and worthwhile enough to both of you to make it work.


You will really need to know that if he gets H from you that he won't use that against you in the future ... so he needs to do some serious work to prove to you that he's there for you 100%. We say Herpes makes a great Wingman ... shows you who people *really* are ... so perhaps this will be the litmus test for whether he is with you for the long haul... it's forcing you to have some difficualt conversations and THAT is a good thing :)

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Well, we are working on it to see if "we" can be salvaged. He has come a long way but still has a ways to go, as do I.


I really am worried that if he isn"t H+ that he indeed will hold it against me. But I was also worried about telling him I had it. He certainly surprised me with his accepting attitude. But then little things set him off...hard to really know what to expect I guess. Marriage counsellor is actually working alone with him to work on stuff.


Im still not understanding how H works. Ive read the links and consulted Dr Google...ugghh shouldnt have done that...


We have been married since Jan 98 and together since 1997. If I had it all this time and was having slight outbreaks like I now suspect were herpes and not anything else, why was I not getting this sunburnt feeling and these godawful tingles? My two outbreaks I've had have been very mild. Only a couple small blisters the first time and the second one was only a few red spots that didnt hurt at all. I have had no pain whatsoever. Only the slight sunburn feeling and tingles. Why didnt I have any of this before? So confusing.

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Well, from what I understand Herpes is a difficult virus to work with even for the people who are "in the know"... so don't feel alone in not understanding it. Odds are the reason you are having more symptoms is that the stress of dealing with your marital issues is making the virus more active. Herpes LOVES stress .... I'm guessing as you sort things out your symptoms will settle down ... and ultimately H may be your barometer for when you need to pay attention to your stress levels ;)


And yeah - stay away from Dr Google - he's a quack :/ :p

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