Ashamed and Hurt

[Hope1]

Hi, I am new to this site but hopefully I can get the support and help to understand my circumstances. I am diagnosed with herpes. I went in for my routine gynecologic physical. Routine lab's were drawn and of course I got the call concerning my results. I went to my OBGYN the very next day to my surprise I was told I have herpes. Hurt, anger, shame, and of course the tears came. I was with this guy for quite sometime but this is the result of him cheating. My life got put at risk? I informed him of what the doctor told me I had. I told him he needs to go and get himself checked. His response was he would go off of my diagnosed which is stupid to me. I am a 46 year old black female trying to find out how do you find the support and love or how do you move on from this situation.

[fitgirl]

@Hope1 welcome!!!

Even if your man cheated, its not certain you got it from him. Herpes can be carried for many years without the carrier knowing. He should get his own test to be sure. You, as a black woman, are in the largest majority of herpes carriers. There are stats that suggest that 60 to 80% of black women have herpes (whether they know it or not).

 

Let me tell you that you WILL BE OK. White, black or otherwise..... we are all people faced with the stigma and pain (in the ass) of herpes. it doesn't matter how or why you have it, what matters is that you understand that you will be fine, you will find your way through this and you will be a stronger woman as a result.

 

Respecting yourself and loving yourself is step one. I have had herpes for 15+ years and I can guarantee that it gets easier and you find your way. This is an opportunity to find a deeper sense of who you are and figure out if the men you choose are in it for YOU not just your " lady parts"

 

You have come to the right place, educate and empower yourself! Welcome to the club girlfriend :)

[whitedaisies]

What type did it say on the blood test 1 or 2?

[Beachdude1984]

To add to what fitgirl said concerning stats, the other high risk demographic is all unmarried women over age 40, with infection rates of at least 50% for this group. Point being, you are far from alone.

[WCSDancer2010]

Hi, I am new to this site but hopefully I can get the support and help to understand my circumstances. I am diagnosed with herpes. I went in for my routine gynecologic physical. Routine lab's were drawn and of course I got the call concerning my results. I went to my OBGYN the very next day to my surprise I was told I have herpes.

 

So you have never had any symptoms? Can you tell me the actual results numbers? Type 1 or type 2? And the actual numbers (should look like >1.1 or similar). Many Dr's will tell you that you are H+ with a result over 1.1 ... when in fact anything between 1.1 and 3.5 has a 40% chance of being a false positive, and with no symptoms, I would question any result under 3.5 (even though 80% of people with H don't know they have it because they are not usually tested for it even in "full" STD panels.) Aslo, blood tests don't tell you WHERE you have it so if it was positive for HSV1, odds are you will have it orally - just like 80% of the population.

 

I was with this guy for quite sometime but this is the result of him cheating. My life got put at risk? I informed him of what the doctor told me I had. I told him he needs to go and get himself checked. His response was he would go off of my diagnosed which is stupid to me. I am a 46 year old black female trying to find out how do you find the support and love or how do you move on from this situation.

 

Reality check here: Your LIFE has not been put at risk. True, this isn't something people would ask for and it can be a damned nuisance at times and if you have it genitally it can make for a few changes (incidentally for the BETTER) to your sex life (Herpes is a GREAT Wingman ... will explain later if you want :) ). For the majority of us, after we have adjusted to our "new normal", herpes is just the occasional speed bump in our lives.

 

However (and here is your Wingman at work) if he's not willing to be tested it shows either a blatant disregard for his sexual health OR he already knows he has it... neither of which are great qualities to have in a partner. So while this may not be the way you want to get the wake-up call about him, *perhaps* you need to really look at whether this guy is someone who DESERVES to have you by his side ;)

 

Where to find support? HERE of course! And ther may be an actual support group near you ... where do you live? Love? The ONLY difference is that with Herpes you will have a great Wingman who will help you to see which men are wanting to get into YOU ... and which ones want to GET INTO you a LOT faster :) We have a TON of Success Stories on here ... mostly with H- partners .... so go check them out for inspiration :)

 

(((HUGS)))

[fitgirl]

@Hope1

@WCSDancer2010 (I always forget the WCS part :) ) is totally right! so many of us have had success stories with H- partners who accept and love us for who we are, not what we have. (or don't have) My man who is H- has actually wanted to get herpes so that I don't have to worry! He has shown mad love for me that is unconditional. I don't want him to get herpes but I also know that even if he gets it, he is OK with it and will take it in stride. That is a HUGE weight off my shoulders. My point is, you should always protect your partner in every way possible but you also need to remember that all sex has risk, life is full of risk. We need to accept responsibility for our own lives and our choices. One partner or one hundred....it doesn't matter, herpes doesn't discriminate, anyone who is foolish enough to think they are immune to it is ignorant of the facts.

[Hope1]

I was only told just herpes. I reside here in Houston Texas. I need to get further testing to determine which one I actually have. I was just so hurt and angry from the results. You have given me great information. I just felt isolated but I know I am not alone but didn't have anyone to talk to without judgment. I withdrew a little not trying to date because how do you tell someone you have herpes and them not understand.

[WCSDancer2010]

. I withdrew a little not trying to date because how do you tell someone you have herpes and them not understand.

 

Definitely get to Planned Parenthood or your OBGYN then ... (not a GP - they are often out of date on Herp info) You should get better advice and support there.

 

As for how to tell someone? Honey, I'm 100% out ... and all I get is support for what I do here. I have my status on all my dating profiles and I get plenty of hits from guys who are H- and who applaud my honesty and desire for transparancy and to educate.

 

The bottom line is that those who judge are only showing you who THEY are ... and who wants jerks like that in their life anyway??? That is one of the ways that H acts as your Wingman ... as long as you can get it to your soul that a person who is ugly after disclosure is just doing you a favor in showing you who they really are :)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

 

[WCSDancer2010]

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