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Scared, need some insight.

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So I met a nice guy, we went on one date - made out and then the next night (last night) I went over to his house. I ended up staying over. We kissed, slept next to each other - he fingered me, but no sex. He did tell me he had herpes before hand - at the time I didn't realize Herpes is contracted simply by skin to skin contact. Now I am worried. Can I get it from being fingered even if he doesn't have an outbreak? Also - when I woke up the next morning, I thought I saw some redness/irritated patches on his chest. Is it possible to have Herpes anywhere? How likely is it that I will have Herpes from laying on his chest? I'm sure my hands, face and pretty much entire top half of my body was touching his chest at some point. I'm sorry for the rambling post - I am just pretty scared now and need some good, real advice on how likely the chances are that I am in trouble.

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First of all, relax... did he tell you where he gets herpes? oral or genital? Type 1 or 2? From what you are describing, you would not have contracted it. Herpes doesn't ooze out of every pore, and it's not contracted by just lying on someone's chest or even just touching someone. If that was the case, everyone would have herpes. If it's genital herpes, about 80% of people who have it, don't even know, so there's a good possibility that you have already met or been with people who might have had the virus and just not known it. Just because you touch someone with herpes or even have sex with someone with herpes, don't mean you will automatically contract it. In fact many H+ people never pass it on to their H- partners in relationships that last years. Genital herpes from male to female, if you are sexually active with the person, is about 10% chance of transmission... condoms (depending on where he gets an outbreak), and antivirals, drop that down to 2.5%... minute, considering you have a 2% chance every year of dying in a car crash. It would be helpful to know more about what type of herpes he has, so as to better inform you... but rest assured, you're fine. You can touch him, hug him, lie on chest... if it's genital, just be smart and avoid sexual contact if/when he has an outbreak. And, please take some time to browse the forum and get informed about what it actually means to live with and have herpes... unfortunately the social stigma is far more scary than the reality... it's a skin condition that is totally manageable. Also, please be honest with him, ask him questions, don't be scared to learn and understand what a relationship could be like with someone with herpes... in many instances, intimacy can be that much stronger because you are forced to open up and talk about some very vulnerable realities. In other words, if you like him, genuinely like him, give him a chance, get informed. It will benefit you regardless.

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Exactly as @PositivelyBeautiful said..... herpes isn't oozing out of every pore. It's a very manageable skin condition that only spreads from the affect areas when skin on skin contact occurs during shedding and outbreaks. You would not have contracted herpes from the interaction you describe. It is fantastic that your guy was open and honest about having it (disclosure can be extremely difficult for a lot of people). He has shown you respect by telling you and I am sure he would be happy to help you understand the virus. The more you learn about it, the less scary it will be

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Hello and Welcome!


First - give the guy kudos for telling you he has herpes ... so many people are afraid of being rejected and will often not tell a potential partner until after a sex act, if at all.... so that tells you that he is a man of integrity.... something worth noting :)


As for you getting herpes from him... I had to grin.... I assume he meant Genital herpes ... so that means that the virus is on his genitals... and while it *can* autoinnoculate to other areas, it's very very rare and I'm sure that if he has the integrity to tell you that he has herpes, he wouldn't do anything to expose you to the virus until you are educated and ready to take the risk (which can be brought down to less than 5% for male-female transmission) ... so I expect that the stuff on the chest was just some kind of excema or whatever ... and as for him fingering you ... for one thing, the virus is on his genitals, not his hand. And if he touched himself and then you, the virus doesn't live long at all outside the body and you need to get a reasonable viral load to actually get it yourself ... so the virus is unlikely to transfer to you that way either.


So - RELAX! You are fine! Come here to have any of your questions answered .... and if this man is worth getting to know, just take it slow, get to know him, and get physical at YOUR pace ... ok???




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Thank you all so much for your replies. This is exactly the kind of information and dialogue I was hoping to get. Since my little panic attack this morning, I've been able to talk to him more about it. He was so open about answering any questions I had. I definitely got an education today! Thanks again, I can tell there is a very supportive community on this site.

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