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The girl I love gave me herpes.....

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So I have had a long distance relationship with my gf for over a year and 4 days ago I had an outbreak.

She said that years ago she had had an outbreak and got tested but the test came back negative. Her doctor said it was herpes most likely. She didn't have another outbreak so she thought it was over that she just wanted to forget about it. So after about an hour after showing her the outbreak on my penis she said that she thinks it was her fault. I hadn't sleep with anyone else so I thought it must be her that gave it to me. We had only had unprotected sex once and that was over six months ago and she had some pills and ointment in her bag already..... I asked her when we first meet if she had any STD but she said no. I love her but feel so hurt that someone who loves me put my health at risk because she didn't want to have that conversation cause she thought shebwould lose me. It feels like she gambled with my health... She is such a sweet and nice girl but can I forgive her for this?

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I understand you feel betrayed. But...... it is a tricky situation, scary and uncertain. She was likely in denial or what we call "willfull blindness" she didn't want to lose you and wasn't completely honest with you or herself. That said, you have decide if you can forgive her. Herpes is a virus but it doesn't put in any life threatening risk. She should have told you but she couldn't/ didn't. It's not because she doesn't love you, it's because she was so afraid of losing you. Sometimes we have to look at intent. I'm not saying it's ok that she didn't tell the truth, I am just saying in understand how and why she didn't. . You only need to ask yourself if you can forgive her and if you would rather live without her. Only you can answer that. You need to talk to her and tell her your feelings. Then you need to decide what is best for you. Just make sure you don't let go of a woman you love because she made a mistake. She likely did it to hold on to you (from what you describe). It is sooooo hard to disclose and not everyone has the courage. Herpes isn't a life sentence, just an inconvenience but you have every right to your feelings. Good luck :)

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It is possible that she is telling the truth. Do you know what kind of test she had? Herpes tests commonly produce false negatives, for a variety of reasons. She may have been living for years under a false assumption she was HSV-negative due a false test, but I do find it suspicious that she would be carrying HSV medication for one questionable genital outbreak and false test that happened "years ago." The important thing for you to do right now is to get tested. You need swabs taken of your lesions asap, as well as an IgG specific blood test for HSV-1 and HSV-2. It is important you receive this exact kind of test, because other HSV blood tests such as PCR and IgM are extremely inaccurate. Your girlfriend needs to get this same IgG test as well. One, both, or neither of you may have herpes. How long ago was the last time you had sex with her prior to your outbreak? Try to withold judgement on her until both you and her have been properly tested. Keep this post updated and either myself or someone else will help you with guidance or advice.

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Hello and Welcome!


I think @fitgirl put it very well - only YOU can decide if you can forgive her for breaking your trust... but we also understand *why* people justify to themselves why they don't need to disclose. Fear of rejection is #1. Belief that without an outbreak that they can't pass it on is #2. And in the case of your GF, the negative result (likely because she was so recently exposed) and the lack of further OB's gave her the "excuse" to ignore it... because the impact on her (physically) was so minimal.


Obviously, she cares a lot about you ... while she didn't show it in the way YOU would want her to (and how WE would advise her to) ... the fear of losing you won her over.


Unfortunately many people are very poorly educated about asymptomatic shedding ... they don't realize what the risks are of passing Herpes on even when not having an OB ... so I'd hazard guess that she may have been unaware or mis-guided about what measures she needed to be taking to protect you ... I realize you say she had pills but if she wasn't having OB's then she may have been taking them episodically which doesn't give you the same protection as supressive therapy.


I suggest that if you feel she is valuable enough to you, that you both get into professional counseling... to get past this you will need to rebuild trust and having the guidance from someone who can help you work through the hurt and betrayal will be ket to getting to that space...




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I have had outbreaks swabbed on three different occasions and they all came back negative. After the first one I thought woohoo, dodged that bullitt. Got another out break and again it came back negative. After the third swab I was finally seen by a doctor. (I was in the military at the time and had only seen corpmen up to this point.) After being thoroughly questioned by the doctor he finally broke the bad news...you definatly without a doubt have herpes. He told me that 30% of cases will not test positive. It was 27 years later that I had an IgG test confirm I has HSV2 positive. The military doesn't do blood test for herpes.


Were the pills and ointment for herpes? Besides the negative results sounds as if she may have had very poor information given to her. If the pills and ointment were for herpes then I agree with what Dancer said about rejection and false beliefs.

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Hi, just a question... Just saw my doctor and he was asked if I have felt any pain or hot sensations which I haven't. The only thing I have is like a wart but it isn't, it's smooth more like a blister but its also not a blister. Should I have had some of these other symptoms by now? It has been 5 days.

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Hi @sadman, it's hard to tell you a firm yes or no. Everyone has different reactions to herpes... some people never get symptoms, and others get reoccurring physical symptoms. A pimple, or blister can be many different things, not just herpes. Did the doctor swab it? Also, if you haven't already, you should get an IGG blood test, type specific, to really find out. Have you done this yet?

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@sadman ... Herpes OB's can appear as papercuts, blisters, hard raised itchy bumps, rash, and pimples ... or not at all ... and only a small percentage of the population gets the nerve pain (contrary to what it looks like here ... remember, we generally get people here who are not the "norm" because they are having symptoms and experiences that are not the "norm" ... and they can't find answers... so they come here ;) )


The Dr should have swabbed it ... I assume you went to a GP? If so, get thee to Planned Parenthood or a STD clinic where they know all about STD's and will know what to do and advise you better... GP's are notoriously underinformed about herpes because they have FAR bigger things to worry about and are flooded with info for dozens of diseases every day... and Herpes isn't a big enough deal to THEM to bother reading the info when they have stuff on mental illness, cancer, etc staring them in the face ;)

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Regardless of the outcome.... ask yourself, would you rather have the woman you love in your life with herpes or would you rather let her go? If she knew (and that is a big if) it doesn't mean that she is untrustworthy nor does it mean she doesn't love you. I have had men "want" to get herpes from me so I don't have to worry about it because they loved ME. They didn't care that they had a relatively minor skin condition. I am not saying that is the norm but..... if you walk away for the reason that you feel you can't trust her, that makes sense. If you walk away because of herpes, that makes ZERO sense. (in my opinion).

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I just found out its not herpes. I'm still waiting on the blood test but my family doctor said it's this other thing but looks similar. Wow... Such weird couple of days... But now I need to get my girlfriend tested after what she told me and doesn't matter what the result is, won't change how I feel about her. Thanks to everyone that posted it helped a lot.

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