All I Think About is Sex!

[WakeUp13]

I've recently started making some big changes in my life! Hitting the gym, investing in some invisible braces (I'm 27, finally can afford it omg!), I'm going to school and I have an awesome job. I'm getting a new apartment soon with a roommate (who totally knows about my hsv2 and is super supportive). Anyway, my point is that I feel pretty good about myself. And when I feel good about myself, I feel so sexual. I can't help it, it's just the way I am. I've been getting a lot of attention and opportunity from men lately and I just can't bring myself to a place where I would ever trust a man enough to disclose. I know it's not fair to potential partners or maybe I am just such a coward, but vulnerability is not my strong point. It definitely comes from a place of extreme insecurity that probably has nothing to do with H but also the natural fear of rejection, or people finding out.

 

I joined one of the regular dating websites and am a little overwhelmed by the attention! Oh how it makes me yearn for the ability to have guiltless casual sex. Or any sex. At all. I'm so repressed, lol. In the bigger picture, less than a year of abstinence is not so bad, but God how I miss this form of expression. Can you believe that on some of these dating websites there are people who aren't even willing to date someone with oral hsv1. It's frustrating reading stuff like that knowing they very likely have it! Lol

 

I come to this message board on darker days for a reminder that I'm not alone. It's really helpful and maybe you guys can relate to this. I know there is no predicting the future, so I won't give up on sex just yet, but damn, my next boyfriend is in for a wild ride.

 

Have a great day friends!!

[WCSDancer2010]

@WakeUp13

 

I know it's not fair to potential partners or maybe I am just such a coward, but vulnerability is not my strong point. It definitely comes from a place of extreme insecurity that probably has nothing to do with H but also the natural fear of rejection, or people finding out.

 

Ahhh - well, I think stating that on here is the PERFECT time to address it. You are already doing some amazing things for yourself that have helped your self esteem (Well done!!!!) ... and it sounds like you are at one of many crossroads that we meet when we take this kind of journey.

 

So - what's the worst that could happen with a disclosure???

 

1) Scenario #1: the guy looks at you with complete horror, screams like a girl and runs for the hills. (Come on ... envisage it... it's worth the giggle!) So what did that tell you? Not that YOU are disgusting, or dirty, but that HE is a jerk... because a gentleman would at least have compassion and be concerned for how it affects you, EVEN IF he chose to walk away. Be glad that the guy showed you his colors and you saw that about him early on.

 

2) Scenario #2: you got "the gentleman" - he sits and listens and is empathetic and worried about how YOU are feeling. This man may go one of 2 ways: He may just hug you and say "Is that all? Because I still want you" (and MANY do say this - even those who are just casual lovers)." .... or... he may say he needs time to think. You have to honor that man, because he is being honest with himself AND you that he's a little scared (usually because he's uneducated about Herpes) and/or he realizes that this is a crunch moment in the relationship where he has to ignore the "little head" (the one that is urging him to get INTO you) .. and listen to the "big head" about how much he is into YOU (even as a lover...wouldn't you want someone to at least desire YOU as a person and not *just* for your body???) ... . Whether he is into YOU enough to take a small risk of perhaps catching something that, let's face it, noone in their rational mind would expose themselves to intentionally without at least learning what it really is, and how to keep their risk to a minimum.

 

3) Scenario #3 - "The Jerk" runs and tells all his, and your, friends. Now, IF this ever happens YOU CHOOSE how it plays out. Because you can let Herpes be your Wingman and show you who your REAL friends are ... and you can rise above his crappy behavior (and anyone who is a FRIEND will be right behind you) and use this time to educate people about the TRUTH. You have realized your truth, your beauty and your power.... I can tell you that the MINUTE you pull from that, you will realize that NOTHING that people can say or do about/to you can hurt you....because their behavior is a reflection of THEM and who THEY are in the world. Wouldn't you want to find out who the 2 or 3 REAL people are in your life and deepen your bond with them rather than keeping 5 or 6 "friends" around you, not knowing who TRULY had your back??????

 

I came out 100% about a year and a half ago. I took a leap of faith and came out on FB (you can see my story here http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1754/i039m-out-of-the-herpes-closet and here http://herpeslife.com/herpes-thoughts-carrier/ My journey ) in part because I was tired of "hiding" such a stupid little condition and in part because I was so frustrated at the ignorance of the masses and upset at the emotional pain of the newly diagnosed. And I had gotten to a point where I didn't care what other people thought of me....and really, that's the bottom line ... getting to a point where you realize other peoples OPINIONS of you are just that ... THEIR opinion ... and it has NOTHING to do with who YOU are.

 

Those people who won't date anyone with oral herpes??? Doesn't that tell you a LOT about them, their judgments, and their ignorance? (AND, sadly, the piss poor job that the CDC has done with STD/infectious disease education!). So, I challenge you to have empathy for THEM ... because most are "infected" by false assumptions and ignorance....which is a pretty sad place to live from, don't you think? And those who know the stats and are adamant that to get a cold sore on their face would be the WORST thing that might happen to them ... well, I don't know about you but to me that spells "High Maintenance". ( briefly dated a guy like this ... and quickly realized that as nice as he was, he would drive me CRAZY with his attention to keeping his skin, face, and body "perfect" .... and his fear of ever being "blemished" ;) )

 

As for casual sex... check these discussions out ... casual sex is not at all out of the picture :

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/70/herpes-disclosure-and-casual-sex general discussion

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2056/semi-success-i-dont-know-just-read-it thiisgoingtobeok (Casual Sex Successful Disclosure)

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3271/first-disclosure-was-a-success-i-can-breathe-now- Rogue1313 (casual friend)

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3368/my-one-night-wonder

 

And finally... being Vulnerable ... well, I can't put it any better than Brene Brown put it here:

 

(((HUGS)))

 

 

[New_Name]

Guy here with opinions. So, before I got the h I was very attracted to a good friend of mine, we both had a good connection, before things got to serious she disclosed to me, and well we went at it like rabbits for about a month and I had to move away.... I didn't get the h from her, I miss that time we had and I never thought twice....

 

I have many girlfriends that have no problem most guys don't care..

 

Now as far as being a guy, I have not yet been turned down, full disclosure with everyone, and not that I sleep around a lot I have disclosed to 5...

 

It is all about your attitude, Develop a connection first enjoy the chase

[whitedaisies]

Great advice thanks

:-)