First disclosure, first rejection...and I don't care!

[ivoryrain]

Hoping this will be a pick-me-up for anyone facing rejection.

 

My boyfriend and I broke up - I found out he cheated on me. Ouch. I've been playing the field, nothing super serious, but there are some guys interested in me. I decided to experiment with disclosing because that very first one is the scariest. I disclosed to someone who I didn't really know very well, assuming he would probably reject me. We had plans to hang out at his place, and he had indicated that he wasn't trying to hit it and quit it. I was suspicious because he had asked my feelings regarding casual sex, etc. I figured while we were on the topic of sex, this would be a decent opportunity to disclose. He didn't reject me at first...not until I kept spitting out stats. He then said it was too much, that he just wanted to have fun sexually (there it is! I got the truth out!) and in general, and that he didn't think it would result in a sex ed class.

 

I thought I'd be devastated about a rejection, but I really don't care. I was disappointed, yes, but not offended or anything like that. I figure anyone who is worth my time will listen to all that I have to say because they care enough about my health and theirs. Clearly he didn't, so I'm better off without. I refuse to put myself at further risk or allow anyone to put themselves at risk without knowing all the facts.

 

If someone rejects you, it says everything about them and nothing about you.

[fitgirl]

@ivoryrain

Yep, you got it...... its amazing how a woman can be a piece of ass to some men without regard to their mind or spirit or emotions. Instead of learning something from you and growing as a person he chose to disregard the opportunity and will move on to another woman who will give it up without the biology lesson. That's ok. You didn't want to be that girl anyway ;)

[WCSDancer2010]

Love it when the truth comes out!!! Sounds like you dodged a bullet with that one AND you got some practice in at the same time ;)

 

Good for you chica! Well done :)

 

 

[whitedaisies]

My opinion is different people weight the same statistical risks differently based on their life experiences etc.

 

It's too hard to predict an outcome because of this unless you really know the person well.

 

I disclosed and honestly my disclosure wa full of stats and was likeliest te scariest disclosure of all time. bUT it takes someone with a lot of self awareness to listen and process a disclosure in itself....regardless of their decision. Men or women who won't even listen and absorb the disclosure IMO are not worth it anyway.

 

Listening and absorbing and assessing whether it leads to rejection or acceptance is a truly human thing to do. I had one horrific disclosure and one amazing disclosure. My first disclosure I feel was less doom and gloom tan the second yet I got a rejection in the first and acceptance in the second. My first wasnt even for sex it was me telling what happened to the guy I was currently with. He couldn't even handle that.

 

Sometimes I really don't think it's how you say it it's who you say it too. I violated every rule of disclosure with this one and I still won.

 

My fave was when I cited the stat of 1 % risk if we had sex 2 x per week per year and he said and he laughed it off saying Maybe we should have sex once a week lol! Broke the ice.

 

 

[WCSDancer2010]

 

I agree with WCSDancer2010 you may have dodged a bullet and gained some practice in the process. It's comforting to see a postive spin on a rejection story.

 

Here's a couple more "Successful Rejection" stories ...there are more out there ... many realize much much later, after they are over the "downer" post-rejection period, that they really dodged a bullet because they see the person's behavior in a less-than-favorable circumstance and see them for who they really are ..

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/5897/my-first-disclosure-story#latest Wingman example

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think