I need some words of encouragement

[JessikaRabbit89]

So earlier I wrote a post about meeting a lovely guy who accepted my herpes and was willing to go further with me, even waited months until I was comfortable to get intimate with him...well we had sex and the next day everything took a toll for the worst. He became less talkative. Normally I get "good morning babe" texts and this time, nothing. Whenever I texted him he gave quick replies. I went to check a message I recieved from the dating site we met on and what do ya know? Hes online! Totally disgusted, ashamed, angry and feeling deeply betrayed I confronted him, probably not in the best manner due to my emotions..

 

He said he was online for the same reason as me, simply checking a message he recieved, nothing more. Then he went as far as saying he thinks I have serious trust issues and that we shouldn't continue dating. Why didnt you tell me this BEFORE we had sex?!? To make matters worse, he probably has a high chance of getting herpes himself now, because the condom tore and it was like a repeat of the night when I became infected. My skin became irritated from the penetration so I'm pretty sure he has been exposed.

 

I tried not to think too much about it, trying to move on by starting conversations with random attractive men to boost my confidence. One guy in particular seemed great until I told him I was herpes+. He quickly turned the other cheek. Now I'm back to square one. Lonely. Feeling stupid. Worthless. Like I'll never be good enough to anyone. I made this man wait because I wanted to make sure he was worth it, and he STILL used me. How could I be so naive?

 

I even sent him a long sincere apology about jumping to conclusions and making excuses for him because I thought he was this amazing guy and our chemistry was like no other. He was like a really good charmer it seems.

 

Anywho, if I could get some kind words to keep me going I would greatly appreciate it. You all have helped me tremendously. I just need to try and forgive and forget...

[bent_notbroken]

Don't let one guy influence or change all the progress you made working on yourself. I know it's easier said than done, especially when we put our hope and lifeforce into wanting something to work. I see so much of myself in you, except your stronger and I want to get there too someday. You are worth it and deserve everything in this world, so don't let HSV or one small blip in the cosmic universe (that guy) change it. You have an apparent joy about you, don't let anyone tarnish it. You will be led to bigger and brighter things, that I can assure you of. You've got love and support here in NJ.

 

Stay Strong!

[WCSDancer2010]

Awwww @JessikaRabbit89

 

(((HUGS)))

 

Well, sounds like what I've experienced... except that I see it that they finally got to where the rubber meets the - er - vagina ... (Sorry, couldn't help it) and they realize that they have to be honest about how they feel about us...it's no longer about the fun of the chase .... now they have to be HONEST about how they feel about us... and H makes it even more "in their face". And given that the condom broke, that probably freaked him out ... and then you freaking out just plain didn't help my friend. Men don't do well with us freaking when they are freaking ...lol

 

And just because the condom broke ... even if he was exposed to some virus... doesn't mean he will get it ... there's so many variables (how much virus? Any open sores on him? Immune issues? Hormones? etc etc etc) Believe me, people are exposed to herpes All.The.Time. If everyone got it when they were exposed, we would ALL have it... promise :)

 

The thing is, you got rejected by a guy who flaked at the first point where shit got real... and in any relationship, shit gets real a LOT and you want a man who will stick withyou through thick and thin, not just when it's Puppies-and-Kittens-and-Fields-of-Flowers perfect. So he's not who you thought he was. Great that you learned that now. Don't take it personally. Remember - you got to see how HE reacted to a challenge. AND you got to see how YOU reacted to HIS reaction. Go work on that part of yourself friend...it's all you have control of and when the next guy comes along, it will be better if you are able to not freak every time HE freaks ;)

 

I don't think he used you ... I think that he just wasn't ready for a REAL relationship ... period.

 

Love you chica... don't let this get you down. Accept the disappointment/sadness that comes when a relationship gets to that "real" spot and fails (happens a LOT even without Herpes, believe me!). Allow yourself to be sad and then kick some dirt over that shit and walk away from it. You are FAR too amazing to let this get you down...

 

 

(((HUGS)))

[JessikaRabbit89]

Thank you ladies and you're both absolutely right. He was actually a dog I learned. I wasn't the only girl he was talking to and that scares me because idk if he was having sex with other women unprotected or not and now I have to go through this ordeal of being tested for STDs again and it just feels like a nightmare. I am so disgusted with myself. I read these articles about how the more people you sleep with the more likely you develop diseases like HIV or oral cancer and now I'm more paranoid than ever. Idk why I even read into these things I know all it does it give me bad anxiety. Luckily I am moving to Maryland soon, 4 hours away from everything I'm used to. I'm so ready to leave the past here and start over fresh someplace else and have a brand new outlook on life. I am no longer making love my priority its all about me now. Thats how it should have been all along... xoxo

[WCSDancer2010]

Well of course the more people you sleep with, the higher the odds you will get *something* ... just like the more miles you travel in cars the higher your risk of an accident ... and yet many get killed 1 mile from home and others are rarely if ever in a fender bender even tho they commute an hour each way to work or whatever... :p

 

Glad you are going to have a re-start - sometimes that the best thing ... you are amazing and believe me, some guy will see it and appreciate it some day :)

 

(((HUGS)))