Absolutely loosing my mind. help :(

[laylaboltkey]

Hi, i am new to this but need some serious advice as i am freaking out. my apologies that this is extremely long.

 

I was diagnosed about a year ago with HSV (still finding out whether it is 1 or 2) the guy that gave it to me did not tell me that he had it, nor did he show any symptoms (that i saw).

Anyway it happened and it sucked. After the 1st outbreak i had 3 more before starting to see someone else.

 

I was absolutely loosing my mind to tell him but knew that I had too and I couldn't keep the information to myself. We did have sex a few times before I told him but used protection and he ALWAYS insisted that we used a condom. Strange for a 23 year old male to want to do that but i didnt think anything of it. I absolutely broke down when I told him and when he saw me upset the first thing he said to me was "you have herpes?" and his reaction was "i went through the same thing with my ex and there are 3 types: 1 that goes away, one that stays in your body and one that has physical symptoms" i knew he was lying then and there because everyone knows that it doesn't go away! he was extremely calm about the whole thing, said it didn't bother him and we shouldn't speak about it again. I told him i was getting tablets for it and he said "maybe i should take them too" he also said to me don't ever think that i'm going to think about it because i won't and never brought it up again. he also kept saying to me it's not a big deal it's just like having a coldsore on the lips and we never talked about it again. i went on valtrex everyday, we used condoms, it was fine.

 

He was so calm, informed and knew what i was going to say before i even brought it up?

This was the weirdest conversation because I feel as though he has had it this entire time but didn't want to admit it to ensure that it didn't look like he gave it to me. I feel as though his reaction was way to calm for someone who didnt have it, i mean if i didn't have herpes and someone told me they did i would definitely not be so understanding and calm?

 

Anyway, 2 months after breaking up we had sex (using a condom but i have been off the valtrex for about a month) 2 days later i notice a red bump and my doctor said it looks like early onset of an outbreak.

I am actually loosing my mind because i am freaking out that i may have passed it onto him but then another part of me thinks that he already has it because of the way he reacted.

I feel as though he may be asymptomatic as he never has had any outbreaks when we were together.

 

Can anyone give me any input here? does it sound like he is in denial?

 

Please help :(

 

[Bella]

Personally I would think there was something he wasn't telling you

Just seems strange to me

I would definitely notify him though that you just got a red bump and he should get tested as well

Good luck and I hope this all works out

[sanngrior]

Please don't freak out. Maybe he has it, maybe he doesn't. But assuming you aren't getting back together with him, does it really matter? Is it really any of your business? I wouldn't necessarily take his calmness as a sign that he has it. My partner was incredibly calm and collected when I told him, but mainly its because he's just a stoic person in general.

 

You did the right thing and disclosed. He knew that he was taking a risk (albeit a very small one) when he slept with you. You have done nothing wrong - so please don't beat yourself up about this. It gets better - I promise you.

[WCSDancer2010]

@laylaboltkey

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

It's not uncommon for sex to cause an OB ... especially as you hadn't had sex for awhile ... which means that you likely were not shedding when you had sex. So the odds that you passed it on are very low.

 

As for his reaction, well, his "knowledge" was terribly skewed, but then again we have DOCTORS giving out really bad information so much of the general public is mis-informed in some way or another.... I wouldn't worry about his initial reaction... however, I would give him the handouts from here and tell him he needs to get up to date on his STD info for his own good.

 

And you may want to just tell him you had something come up afterwards, that his risk is pretty low, but he may want to keep an eye on things. In the end, he knows his risk and he's taken it, and that is HIS responsibility ... yes, it's up to you to do what you can to protect him, but he's a partner in this and knows there's a chance he could get it. He's made a choice to be intimate with you .... so don't carry guilt about things that are not in your control, ok???

 

(((HUGS)))

 

Handouts + disclosure e-book:(for the Ex BF)

https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

 

 

Herpes facts video