Overcoming this

[Girlwhogetseveryugh1]

So I just found out I have herpes, I'm really looking for someone to give me advice and help me over come this.

Any gender is fine, but I feel so disgusted of myself.

Someone please help!!

[Anna01]

Hey there :)

Welcome to the club. I joined about two weeks ago. It is normal to feel discontent with yourself when you get the news. It is quite shocking right?? So try to take it easy on yourself. You did what a majority of this population does...you had sex...Whats new? Don't we all. It doesn't matter who you are, if it was your first time or your 100th time...we all are at risk. Don't be disgusted with yourself...this is another part of life. It is a pesky skin rash. Do we want it? No. Can we live with it? Yes! You can live an amazing life but it is up to you if you want to let this skin condition take over. I never thought this would happen to me...yet here I am and I am OK. One day you will be OK too. You already are but just haven't realized it yet. No matter what, we have to deal with ups and downs in life. We have to deal with emotions. Accept the situation and make the best of it. H helps people to focus on themselves, take things slower and really appreciate the process of getting to know someone prior to sex. In some ways it is a blessing in disguise, a horrible disguise haha but it serves a purpose. Sometimes it helps to talk about it and share your story. Do you want to share what happened, how you found out?

You came to the right place to let it out! :) We are here for you.

[Girlwhogetseveryugh1]

Okay.. so I found out June 19th.. I was on vacation when I found out! I went into the ER! I was on vacation with my boyfriend. In March he had given me clymidia. Claiming he had no idea he had it, never cheated. Maybe he carried it already because we were using condoms, at the end of the month on feb we stopped.. whoop then in March got tested and came back positive for clymidia! Now he has given me herpes! He was away working, 6 weeks passed, he came back home to me.. unprotected sex.. on our way to vacation I noticed a lump, it went away.. then days later like 3 days later I had my first breakout. I went to the hospital, positive for HSV-2. I cried so much!! Before going into the hospital I told my boyfriend I think it might be herpes. Got out, went to go get my medicine and he was so understanding. Maybe only because he gave it to me! I don't hate him, it takes 2 to have unprotected sex. But he was willing to still have sex with me, of course I wanted to have protected sex. Then I finished my medicine and we had unprotected sex thinking he didn't have herpes. Then bam, again another outbreak. I'm going back home from my vacation to see my doctor. She is very disappointed in me, for having unprotected sex because she's always giving me condoms.. but before the 6 weeks of not seeing eachother I got tested before he came home to me. I came back clean, doctor said my vagina looked super healthy! I love this guy, who's hurt me in so many ways but you can't beat love. It's hard and I feel bad. Like can I date? I know I can still have a family, if anything a sperm donor but dating.. like I don't wanna have to tell anyone I have this. Where I come from everyone is so immature and judge mental. It's annoying! But yes, I cried so much after finding out. I want to know how can I control a breakout as well. Please help. Thank you so much!

[WCSDancer2010]

@Girlwhogetseveryugh1

 

Hello and welcome!

 

First, before I get to Herpes, did your BF get treated for Chlamydia? If not he could pass it back to you again ... so get him (and YOU) tested ASAP please...ok? You can go to Planned Parenthood if you don't want to go to your Dr.

 

So - not sure what to tell you about your guy...but this worries me:

 

I love this guy, who's hurt me in so many ways but you can't beat love.

 

THAT has me worried. Because anyone with self respect would walk away from someone who continually hurts them in ANY way...physically or emotionally. That is not love. So please, step back and really take a look at why you are with him....certainly don't stay with him because you fear not finding someone else....

 

It's hard and I feel bad. Like can I date? I know I can still have a family, if anything a sperm donor but dating.. like I don't wanna have to tell anyone I have this. Where I come from everyone is so immature and judge mental. It's annoying! But yes, I cried so much after finding out. I want to know how can I control a breakout as well. Please help. Thank you so much!

 

OF COURSE you can date! Honey, if everyone with H stopped dating there would I would invest a lot of money in vibrators and blow up dolls! And no, you don't have to only date people with H. The first thing you need to do to get this is to read the Success Stories on here ... you will see TONS of great stories of discordant couples. You sure as hell don't have to get a "sperm donor" to have a baby!

 

Sure, *some* people are judgemental ... but this is a good time to practice understanding that when someone judges you, it's about THEM and NOT you! AND .. if they are ugly/unsupportive/unloving, you can be GLAD because you get to see that they are not someone you want in your life. Why allow ANYONE in your life that doesn't love and support you without judgement??? In that way, H is a GREAT Wingman ... :)

 

Yes, right now you are doing what so many do when they are diagnosed ... beating yourself up and convincing yourself that you will never find love with anyone else. And I can promise you, you WILL find love someday.. with him or someone else ... but it will happen.

 

(((HUGS)))

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6070/it-gets-better great tips for newbies

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2886/herpes-yoga-and-self-love

 

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/5897/my-first-disclosure-story#latest Wingman example

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 )

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6347/my-disclosure-story 2 very different reactions … but both are “successful” in their own ways :)

Herpes as a relationship filter Adrial

 

 

[Girlwhogetseveryugh1]

Thank you so much!!!

Yes we both got treated!! I have my doctor, she's like a second mother!!

She was mad when I tested positive because she's always talking to me about the dangers of having unprotected sex!!

I called her and told her what happened with this and she was wow'd!!!

But yes.. I think about it and it's like why am I with him?

All he does is hurt me and he continues at it. It hurts me!!

 

But yes, I've seen all this. I hope someone will come along and accept me for what I come with.

Isn't so bad..

But yes thank you so much.

I see it as a good thing because no matter how much I am in the moment it'll hold me back.

I've only been with less than 3 guys and it sucks because like I got this!! From someone I'm crazy about. Sucks so much!

But thank you for the advice!!!!

[WCSDancer2010]

Honey - it sucks no matter when you get it! I got it at 17 from my first sexual experience ... the guy was about 25 and of course I fell for his attentions ... young and dumb ... as soon as my mother found out about him, he disappeared .. *sigh* ... tough life lesson with a long term reminder :p

[WCSDancer2010]

But he was willing to still have sex with me, of course I wanted to have protected sex.

 

By the way ... this also has me concerned. So you are saying that you got diagnosed, and he wanted to have unprotected sex anyway? Right after your diagnosis? If I read that right, odds are he knows he had it already... please correct me if I am wrong ... but something isn't sounding right here with his attitude. I mean, I love it when a partner is supportive when their mate is diagnosed, but generally there is an adjustment period while the couple figures out whether the other person has it and how they are going to work to protect the other partner if they don't have Herpes. Did he get tested for it afterwards?

 

And you say he was away working for 6 weeks, comes home and soon after you have your first OB? Are you sure that you can trust him? You say he's hurt you before ... if you have *any* inkling that he may be cheating, get the hell out of that relationship. He's already brought home 2 STD's .. you REALLY don't want to push your luck there with getting another... it may be FAR worse next time :(

 

(((HUGS)))

 

[Girlwhogetseveryugh1]

No. He was willing to have protected sex, then he just decided not to.

He was so scared to go get checked that he didn't, I mean he needs to get the treatment for it.

I finally came home, keeping us away from each other, so I just wanna fix myself before anything else.

Yes I had my first OB right after we saw each other after he came from working, he must've been putting in some over time. But that's how it happened.

He claims he didn't know, he's like I hate my past because look at all I've given you.

I know, when you love someone you don't hurt them. :(

I'm scared and don't know what to do. Like this is so hard, will I ever find someone else!! :(

[WCSDancer2010]

I'm scared and don't know what to do. Like this is so hard, will I ever find someone else!! :(

 

Like I keep saying, go read all the Success Stories that you can ... YES, you will find someone else! Someone better. Someone who doesn't hurt you. Someone who FEEDS YOUR SOUL, not someone who walks on it.

 

You need to learn to love yourself first ... then you will never allow someone to hurt you. Yes, people make mistakes... but there's a huge difference between someone who makes one mistake and then does better, and someone who continually hurts you and then "claims" to be sorry.

 

 

[2Legit2Quit]

Have you found evidence of him cheating?

[Girlwhogetseveryugh1]

Yes. A lot of evidence.

[2Legit2Quit]

So what do you suppose you'll do with those findings? Stay with him or leave him?

[Girlwhogetseveryugh1]

I've confronted him and he'll deny it. This guy will deny and deny!! He had the girl he cheated on me (one of them) with me.. all together face to face and he denied it all. It's crazy. I'm stupid :/

[2Legit2Quit]

Wow!? Face to face!? That's crazy! Was this before or after the STDs he gave you?

[WCSDancer2010]

@Girlwhogetseveryugh1

 

Ahhh ... with that recent info, all I can say is don't walk, RUN. Not only does he sound like a pathological liar, he has no regard for YOUR long term sexual OR mental health. He may even have a sexual addiction, and an addict will drag you down with them. Please, get away, stay away, and don't let him near you again.

 

Don't worry about dating again right not ... right now you need to learn to love YOU! Check these past discussions and links out... especially the first one ... its raw and unapologetic and written by a MAN... telling it like it is:

 

http://blackgirlsareeasy.com/2014/02/dating-with-a-std.html Raw and unapologetic truths about dating with herpes

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6070/it-gets-better great tips for newbies

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2886/herpes-yoga-and-self-love

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6596/6-month-herp-iversary-how-i-survived-embrace-being-single-with-herpes

[Girlwhogetseveryugh1]

Yes face to face!! He still denied it!!

 

And thank you so much!! I think he has a sexual problem too!

But at times his thing don't work, so I mean I don't know.. this is hard.

[WCSDancer2010]

A man can have erectile dysfunction AND a sexual ADDICTION ... they ar two different things

 

[Girlwhogetseveryugh1]

No yes, he has both!! idk.

Right now I'm just here for him, but who knows after that.. I need time to myself. To get over this, study hard in school. Not worry about someone giving me something else. I'm slowly overcoming this :) slowly but surely..

[Anna01]

@Girlwhogetseveryugh1 I agree 100% with @WCSDancer2010. This situation is hazardous to your mental and physical well being. Sometimes we need to take a step back and really have a moment of reflection. Ask yourself "why in the world am I sticking with this guy?" It might be time to work on yourself and worry about a new guy later. He has zero respect for you and couldn't care less about how he is effecting you! That drives me crazy. So do what you have to do! Move on because a better man is waiting in your future. This current guy is just delaying your progress. So drop him and I mean drop him fast. Matter of fact, just throw him to the ground an go. I feel that with him in your life, herpes is the least of your problems. He is the number one issue that you need to deal with. The second is reclaiming your self-worth. We are here if you need some encouragement :)

XOXO

[2Legit2Quit]

I second everything @anna01 said. Stick around and support him for what? Or do you mean, you're sticking around because you're not ready to let him go and it's easier to stay, than to let him go? As Anna said, you are only delaying your own happiness and progress. He is an anchor to your soul and we'll being and is only a matter of time, until you can't keep both of you afloat and he will sink you too.

[StillMeButWiser]

Sounds like a dirty dick to me. Dump him, you deserve better. During the last year and half of my relationship constantly had yeast and bv infections. Now, post relationship for 7 months, nothing. Mr innocent I dont think was so innocent. He ran when I had my first outbreak. They lie to avoid being accountable.

[2Legit2Quit]

@StillMeButWiser omg that first line was so funny, I busted out laughing! Wow, hope you have moved on and are over him now.