Feeling alone & lost

[Littlebird81]

I am 33 years old. I've recently separated from my husband, and have spent the last couple of months capitalizing on my good looks to try and kill the pain of this huge transition in my life. I met someone on Tinder, and he gave me herpes. It's hard not to look at this like I somehow deserved to acquire this disease. Now, I don't know how to be. Who am I now that I can't use sex as a way to bolster my self-esteem? Now that I can't go into dating situations with the same self-confidence & abandon I once had? I think it's making me realize how much my self-worth is tied up in the attention men paid to me. I went on a date last night...the first one since finding out. It was great, had a wonderful time, but I spent so much time in the bathroom (I'm having an excruciatingly difficult time with urination) that I totally put him off...he thought I was in there doing drugs or something. I don't know...I'm rambling a bit here. I try to be really okay with this, and look at it as kind of a blessing & not a curse...but my sense of self has been radically affected. Who is going to love me now?

[2Legit2Quit]

@Littlebird81 so sorry you became a member of the H club and don't feel so bad or beat yourself up so much, I went two yrs no sex and after doing it one tine, got it. Felt like the biggest asshat ever.

 

Shit just happens a sometimes. Herpes makes a lot of issues we ignored, come rising to the top. Everyone also feels like nobody is going to love them, I've recently been feeling the same way, because of back to back obs, but I have so many friends who are married and w kids to discordant partners, so clearly it's possible and a lot of them said the same thing, who's going to want me now. Try to come to terms w your diagnosis and seeking therapy for the other issues, before you start dating again. Worry about you and only you for now. The rest will come later.

[Littlebird81]

Thanks so much. And the "herpes makes a lot of issues we ignored, come rising to the top" couldn't be more insightful, or accurate. It's forcing me to look at my drinking, my self-worth issues, my conflation of sex & love...my using sex as an ice-breaker, equalizer, temporary mender of emotional ills...it's all suddenly staring me in the face, and forcing me to acknowledge that maybe, in some strange way, this is the univers's way of telling me to slow the fuck down...this isn't working for you...heal yourself.

[2Legit2Quit]

@littlebird81 and there you have it!!! See!? None of us here had to tell you that, you figured it out on your own, so listen to yourself! This is the chance to make you your best self ever, herpes and all!. I know that it has stopped me from getting involved w the wrong people, because you have to decide if you really feel this person is worth sharing that info w. Herpes removes lust from the equation, which has allowed us to overlook so much and to ignore red flags. By not having lust be the driver in the car, but rather the passenger, you're now in better control to evaluate ones true character; although lust will of course still try to be the back seat driver, but now you can tell it to stfu, because you got control now. Very insightful of you to pick up on this so quickly. Many don't see it or as quickly as you did.

[Anna01]

@Littlebird81 I am sorry you got H :( I know it can suck BUT it looks like it has really opened your eyes to things that can really improve your quality of life. Don't run from it. I think this can be really good for you. There are benefits to having H. I am learning it more and more every single day. So keep your head up. Keep growing and pushing forward! You are on the right track.

 

@2Legit2Quit I cannot express how much I agree with what you just said! I was SO vulnerable to a guy that just honestly doesn't give a s*** about me, although he can be very convincing that he does, when he wants to be. I tried to cut him out of my life multiple times because I knew deep down he was no good for me but I was always so tempted by him. It was extremely unhealthy for me and my self esteem. I swear H has laid that toxic situation to rest. It made me ACCEPT that he is not the guy for me. I don't have any desire to pursue him anymore because I know he would never risk anything for me! It revealed his true nature. I didn't have to disclose a thing to him because it made me realize already who he is! I have been delivered. It's all thanks to H. I can say that with honesty. I think I will post about it :)

[Littlebird81]

Can't really express properly how your responses have helped me. I still have so many questions...but, not so many that I feel I'll crumble under the weight of them. My tail-bone feels broken; that's one thing I've been wondering about. Did either of you experience that with your initial outbreak? I got hit SO hard. It started with terrible painful unrination...I figured I had a UTI. Then, two days later I spiked a fever of 102...was super nauseous, terrible headache and neck pain. Then two days after that I noticed the first lesion. The thought of an STI never even crossed my mind; ironically the day before the burning while peeing, I had my swabs done, and the came back negative--I had no idea that H wasn't tested for, or rather couldn't be tested for unless sores were present. It was such a huge punch to the throat - for lack of a better phrase - and just so devastating. Anyway, for the past 3 days I'm having uridine retention issues, where, try as I might, getting the pee to flow is like trying to squeeze blood from a stone...and then the tailbone pain. No more lesions though, my doc examined me yesterday. I don't know...it's just all so new and overwhelming.

[Littlebird81]

*urine retention

[Littlebird81]

@2Legit2Quit

@Anna01

[StillMeButWiser]

When I had the urine retemtion problem, I would massage my bladder pushing in kinda strong and tried to relax as much as possible. Keep drinking water, dont go more than 5 hrs without trying. Mine subsided in couple days. However the week or days following my urine stream was slow/weak. This to subsided. Far as the tail bone pain. If it doesnt lesson check into a steriod shot. I had terrible tail bone pain after giving birth. The orthopedic did a cortisone shot. Worked both times. Sitting on a donut or one of the airplane neck pillows backwards help tremendously.

[2Legit2Quit]

@littlebird81 I know what you're referring to in regards to your tailbone, as I have the same issue from time to time. Example: when I went out the other night, I was having issue w sitting on bar stools or anything hard, that I couldn't use for back support. It felt like too much pressure on my tailbone and it was very uncomfortable for me. I'm over a yr in w this and still will have tenderness, billing, burning and aching on my buttock and back of thighs.

 

My primary was horrendous. A week after my initial symptoms I developed severe neuropathy. Felt like a burn victim on my buttock and Bach of thigh, then I had shooting electrical pain go my feet, in vagina, in rectum and location of the sires, which I counted like 22 at that point. I didn't get a fever or headache, but I felt severely fatigue and had bouts of nausea here and there. Trust me, I get what you're going through. I had to go to the ER and get put on nerve pain meds for four months. Now my pain is tolerable and more just discos, rather than pain.hang in there, it gets better!

 

@ann01 yep, herpes did the same thing for me w a guy, the one who's number I mesmerized after deleting it. Ergh.... Glad it helped you kick that bum to the curb too!

[Littlebird81]

Noticed a new sore last night...I'm confused as to whether this is still primary, or if it's a new OB...do I need to go back on Valtrex? Ughughugh

[WCSDancer2010]

@Littlebird81

 

First - well done having got the message that Herpes brings to so many ...that perhaps it's time to re-evaluate yourself and how you approach relationships and self worth. You are miles ahead of so many who have been recently diagnosed.

 

As for the urine retention... the following:

 

Take Probiotics and also Cranberry tablets ... and I'd get to a Dr and check for a UTI ... you may have a secondary issue going on.

 

Also, pee in the shower or pour water over the area as you pee ... that will help to reduce any pain so you can void more urine.

 

I need to get to bed, but I wanted to check in here .... so I'm just going to give you a bunch of links that may help you with both the OB's and figuring out the whole issue around what brought you to this point ... because you certainly are not alone in how you got H ... and I expect that Tinder will be responsible for a LOT of new H cases :(

 

Oh - and read all the Success Stories that you can to see how many people find TRUE love with a discordant partner ... it happens a LOT more that anyone knows!

 

(((HUGS)))

 

Treatments/medications to help you to attack the virus from the outside

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6024/dealing-with-outbreaks#latest includes links below

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/easy-simple-self-help-tips-for-relief-from-herpes-outbreaks/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/4810/bactine-for-oral-and-even-genital-herpes

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-treatment/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-medication/

 

http://www.cdc.gov/std/treatment/2010/genital-ulcers.htm#hsv

 

Links to some of the items suggested in the links

http://amzn.to/1CHUzZE Link to Alum

http://tinyurl.com/Aloecream

http://amzn.to/1F10r3V Fractionated Coconut Oil

http://bit.ly/zincsoap Zinc Soap with coconut oil

http://bit.ly/Zinccream

http://tinyurl.com/bactine

http://tinyurl.com/Oragelsgldose

 

Perspective:

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6070/it-gets-better great tips for newbies

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2886/herpes-yoga-and-self-love

 

http://blackgirlsareeasy.com/2014/02/dating-with-a-std.html Raw and unapologetic truths about dating with herpes

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/comment/33312/

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6596/6-month-herp-iversary-how-i-survived-embrace-being-single-with-herpes

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6741/feeling-amazing

 

 

[2Legit2Quit]

I had issue w urine retention during my primary and it's not very common. Herpes infects the ganglia that controls our bladder. Sitting in a warm shallow bath may help w voiding better