Nervous about transmission

[ivoryrain]

I apoligize in advance how long this is probably going to be - I just have a few different yet related concerns lol. I've finally met someone who I'm interested in. We've been talking/exclusive for about a month, but we aren't using any official labels until school starts and we know that we'll have the time to commit to each other.

 

Anyway, we've talked about precautions over and over. My policy is to primarily leave it up to the guy. He is okay with the risk without condoms and doesn't want me to risk liver damage with antivirals. Basically, his view is that him potentially contracting H (assuming he doesn't have it, which I will get to in a second) is much less serious than me potentially damaging my liver. I'm happy that he cares about my health, but it also makes me nervous. As time goes on, I have less noticeable prodromes. Granted, I rarely have OBs, but I worry more about shedding now. If my OBs have less noticeable prodromes, I may shed without even tingling sensations. I just need to be comfortable with his acceptance.

 

There is a decent chance that he already has H based on the number of partners he has had. I'm not saying this in a only-people-with-a-lot-of-partners-get-STIs way; I mean that, statistically, he has been exposed a fair number of times. That kind of eases my worries a bit, but I'm also worried because he either has a UTI or chlamydia right now (waiting on the results, but Planned Parenthood gave him antibiotics to take care of it if it is chlamydia). If it's chlamydia, that would increase the likelihood of transmission up until the chlamydia is cured. In addition, I would likely have chlamydia, too, since we've had unprotected sex (likely he gave it to me because he's the only person I've had unprotected sex with since my last tests; he had unprotected sex with another girl since his last tests). Whatever the case, I've been tested as well and should know my results by Wednesday.

 

Planned Parenthood wouldn't test him for H, even after he explained that I'm H+. They told him that they use the less accurate blood test and that they only recommend testing if he has a suspected OB (with a culture of course). I'm not sure if this is because they know he's with someone who is H+ so he doesn't have to worry about giving me H asymptomatically or if it's because they view that the negative psychological aspect of knowing would be worse. I've heard of PCPs refusing to test for H but never Planned Parenthood.

 

Basically, what I'm asking is for advice on how to worry less. Also, does anyone know how much chlamydia would increase the risk? Lastly, if he tries to get tested for H again, where should he go/what should he say to get past the reluctant doctor? I doubt he'll try again because he doesn't think it really matters other than if I were to decide to take antivirals (to avoid taking them unnecessarily if he's already H+) and he's a bit apprehensive about knowing for sure, but just in case he does decide.

[WCSDancer2010]

Hmmm - I think the PP issue is on an office by office basis .... but he could always test with the Western Blot through Westover Heights just so you know his status....

 

So here's how I see it. He knows he's been with a number of partners and thus possibly exposed himself to HSV possibly more than once as it is ... and he likely has a realistic attitude towards his risks ... and the fact that if he went out with someone else odds are that he could get exposed to it anyway.

 

Not everyone buys into the stigma. And those who are, shall we say, more sexually active are often more realistic about the risks of getting something and accept that as part of the deal ... and those people are more likely to just be glad you know you have it because they will understand that at least you will know to pay attention to your body.

 

And really, the guy is a grown-assed man ... you have told him your status ... let him decide what risks he's comfortable with and accept that and just do your best to pay attention to your body and avoid sex when in doubt ... but don't obsess about it. Many discordant couples have sex for years without protection and the H- partner never gets it ... so *try* to just accept that he's ok with it and enjoy your time with him :)

[ivoryrain]

@WCSDancer2010

 

Thanks! You always know just what to say! He probably won't do the Western Blot if it's expensive. He doesn't care within this "relationship" because he either has it already or may potentially contract it from me. It's a bigger deal to me because if he already has it, then I would be able to be more carefree.

 

For example, I stupidly had sex with him while I had prodromes because they were atypical - more like what I experienced when I had chlamydia or yeast infections (more of an all over and internal itching than a localized place, increased discharge, odd sensation when urinating - none of these are typical of my OBs). We used a condom because we know there's a possibility he has chlamydia (and if he does, I more than likely do, too, by now), but I had two tiny blisters (size of a ballpoint pen, if even that) the next day. Luckily, I doubt he had any skin-to-skin contact with that area, but that makes me nervous. I can't talk to my friends about it because they kind of guilt trip me about not taking precautions with him, even though I've made it clear that it's primarily his choice. Sooo I'm kind of on my own with my worries

[fitgirl]

@ivoryrain accept yourself just as he is accepting YOU. He is making an informed decision so relax and let him take responsibility for that decision :). With that in mind...... in my opinion, the suppressive meds would be very helpful to you and him! (if he is H-) there is really no medical evidence that suggests a MAJOR impact on the liver when taking valtrex. It's one of the longest prescribed meds on the market and also one of the safest. Taking 500mg daily would be similar to mild/moderate alcohol intake so the liver risk is quite low. The benefit of taking it is two fold....cuts down on shedding and OB's significantly and just as importantly, it will give you peace of mind. Taking it would help you feel better about the whole situation and allow you to relax and enjoy your sex life. I totally get your desire for his test results, I wanted the same info about my BF and in a twisted way had secretly hoped* he was positive so I didn't have to worry. I unfortunately live in a country (Canada) where they will not test for herpes unless you have an OB. I tried to get my BF tested but the wouldn't do it. I had a doc that said he would but by the time we got to that point my BF said it was pointless, he didn't care. He actually said he wanted to get it so that it wasn't an issue for ME. Of course the last thing I want to do is give him herpes so after 15yrs with the virus (and regular OB' for most of those years) I decided to take the meds. My infectious disease doc was amazing, he gave me all the facts in detail and gave me great confidence in my choice. The valtrex has been amazing for me, I have no OB's for the most part and I feel so much better about doing what I can to protect my man. Once you get all the info, you can make the decision that is right for you, and even if you take the meds now it doesn't mean you will forever just give it some thought. The physical and emotional benefits have far outweighed the negatives for me.

 

Oh, and the OB you may have had after sex is likely from the sex itself, the friction will often trigger an OB. It doesn't mean you have infected him. The valtrex will reduce the friction based OB's also. I have to say, it has made my life so much better...... I don't even think about herpes anymore. (except when I'm on this forum :)

[WCSDancer2010]

Here's the WB info ... I believe the test costs about $250 .. call them and see what they have to say :)

 

Westover Heights Clinic,http://westoverheights.com/ (503) 226-6678 ... they can order the test for you through Quest Labs. It costs $5/minute for a consult … cheap IMO for clarity and/or peace of mind.

[2Legit2Quit]

My friend went to PP recently to get tested and they highly advised her against testing for herpes w out any symptoms and stated the psychological aspect of it, is much more damaging. The policy is not to want to put soneone through that, if they're not having symptoms. I just find this wreckleas and part of the reason this virus is spreading like fire. Great, other's may not have symptoms, but people like me has had their life greatly affected by herpes, because I have autoimmune diseases. So it really makes me mad when I hear this stuff. Hope all works out for you hun.

[ivoryrain]

@fitgirl

 

Thanks for clearing up the liver damage for me! I thought it was almost a sure thing that at least some damage would be done, especially because I hardly drink water. That makes me feel much better!

 

@WCSDancer2010

 

Thank you! That's a bit too expensive, though :\

 

@2Legit2Quit

 

I figured that was the reasoning. That's so dangerous. H itself isn't, but it does increase the risk of contracting HIV or, as you said, people with autoimmune disorders may have a rough time with it.

[WCSDancer2010]

Look - HSV should REDUCE your chances of getting HIV because we should all have learned from it that we really need to make sure our partners are fully tested for STD's before we get involved..... (not that everyone does that, but at least more of us will take that route!) So for YOUR sake, all men in your life need to agree to getting tested before you let them partake of the cookie :)