Getting close with someone, not positive on my status... how to proceed?

[lovingthroughfear]

Hey everyone. I've so enjoyed reading all the posts here, and I'm grateful that this supportive community exists!! This is my first discussion thread. I'm gonna post my story and ask some questions at a later point, but here's my most pressing issue.

 

I have experienced HSV-like symptoms for about 3 months now, with what seemed to be the primary OB in mid-July. Due to bad timing on the swab test (blisters were already healing over) and some ambivalence on the part of my doctor as to the effectiveness of the blood test, I have been left in limbo. I am experiencing prodromal symptoms especially when extra stressed or sleep-deprived, and at the time of initial OB the doctor prescribed acyclovir, which definitely seemed to help. Examined the nether regions a few days ago, and looked like I might be healing from another outbreak, but I have no idea because I didn't really feel uncomfortable like the first. So it SEEMS LIKE I have HSV... I'm 95% sure that's what's going on. (All other STD tests came back negative, thank god.)

 

HERE'S THE ISSUE. I'm starting to date this sweet, gentle guy. We are taking it really slow due to both of us recently getting out of long relationships/marriages... I don't think either one of us expected to find someone we liked so much so soon. He really needs time to open up and trust someone before becoming physical. I totally respect that, and due to MY situation, I am completely on the same page!

 

However, I'm scared and don't know what to do for a few reasons.

 

1) I haven't had a formal diagnosis yet, so I'm not sure how to handle the discussion. "I have been experiencing symptoms of HSV genitally but I'm not sure yet... here are the facts anyways"?

 

2) Since he's slow to trust people, I'm questioning when the timing of the talk should be. Too early (before we really explore our physical attraction to one another) and it'll seem out of place; too late and I feel like I'm risking violating the trust that he's built up with me, and there's a lot more at stake, because at that point we might be losing a very good relationship.

 

Please, please, please... I need feedback about how others have handled the conversation on either one of the points I've defined above. I am so scared, and didn't expect to find someone this great, really. I would like to have the conversation in a way that is good for both of us, and meets as many needs as possible.

[Bambina3]

I would not be so quick to disclose unless you have built a lot of trust and you are ready to move forward sexually...it sounds like a new relationship, I would hold off sexual activity until you confirm whether or not you even have hsv2.....ask doctor for repeat blood test.

[2Legit2Quit]

1) since you both are taking your time, due to both if your circumstances, I wouldn't worry about your unknown status. In another month or less, you should be able to take a blood test and find out your results and by that time, you can see where you guys are at and disclose then.

 

2) there is no such thing as too late in giving him the information, so long as you haven't had sex yet. You are in a waiting period right now, of no fault of your own. Not disclosing something so personally right up front does not make you a liar. Do you dunp all your skeletons on the table the first several months of dating? No... Is that lying? No. It's taking time to get to know someone to decide if you want to share private information.

[WCSDancer2010]

@lovingthroughfear

 

First - there is no *right* time to disclose, but the general agreement of what *seems* to work best is to wait till they have shown you that they have EARNED the right to know something so personal ... and of course, before sex.

 

In your case, you are going slow anyway, so I'd say there isn't a rush. I would wait to see if you can get a diagnosis first ... and that might be just about the right time to disclose.

 

Remember, Herpes isn't the only thing people are ashamed of or afraid that people will reject them for, as this article reminds us:

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/disclosure-its-not-just-about-herpes/

 

http://www.match.com/magazine/article/4010/I-Have-a-Secret-How-to-Reveal-It-To-Your-Date/

 

 

(((HUGS)))