Does it sound like I've had this for 25 yrs without knowing???

[honey_badger]

I was married for 25 hrs up until a year ago and, as far as I know, neither of us was with anyone else the whole time. Right when we first got together he had a cold sore and I had a bad hsv1 oral outbreak and went to the doctor who was impressed by the severity. It was all over my cheeks and around my mouth and chin. Had to have been my first exposure I think. After that I never had an issue until last weekend, when I got three genital sores.

 

I assumed, after some reading, that it had to be hsv2 and I wasn't too surprised because I d been a little out of control since the break up. But then monday went to doc, had it cultured, and yesterday results said its hsv1! In all these years I never had any symptoms that made me think herpes. But now I'm wondering g if it was because that was so outside the realm of possibility for me. I was in a mono relationship and didn't perceive any likelihood of it.

 

But looking back and with the knowledge now of what it feels like, I think it's possible that Ive had milder outbreaks over the years. Not sure why Id have a worse one now, though?

 

What do you guys think? Is it possible that this is from a new exposure? Is it more likely it's been lying dormant since 1989 or that I just wasn't recognizing the minor symptoms?

 

It's kinda funny bc when I thought it was hsv2 from someone recent, I felt like it was a bummer but all in good fun. I. Didn't feel any reason to be mad or resentful. But the idea that it's from my ex, father of my babies, man I loved all those years, makes my blood boil. Go figure!

[2Legit2Quit]

Well didn't you say since the breakup you've been having your share of fun? It's very plausible you got it from a partner after the breakup.. There's just no telling. I'm going to assume you're at the age of chnage in life and if you had - had it all this time, that chnage in life could cause a flare.

[2Legit2Quit]

Wht? You have cold sores too? He could be on the receiving end as well. It could have been himbthat ended up w it from you. I've had a woman married 30yrs and got ghsv1 after 30yrs marriage from her husband. Most don't realize that hsv1 can spread there, plus most contract heroes during asymptomatic shedding, so it's not like it's intentional. You're projecting negative feelings you have for your ex, I to herpes, when in all honesty, I don't think it really is herpes that's what makes your blood boil. It's just him...

[honey_badger]

You're reading this all wrong. My initial oral outbreak in 1989 was most definitely caused by his cold sore. He had always had them. I had never had one. The doctor said what I had then was a classic first outbreak.

 

When I got this genital outbreak I assumed it was from someone else. It would make sense bc I have been w several people.

 

But if it's hsv1, then it seems like it's actually unlikely it's from the new guys bc I woulda been building up antibodies all these years. Seems like it was lying dormant all these years.

 

And OF COURSE it's my feelings for my ex that make my blood boil. That's the point. For all the good times we had, it's silly that Id be mad at him but no issue w the other guys. Clearly it's bc he left me for another woman a year ago not bc he kissed me while he had a cold sore 25 years ago that I'm pissed. Truthfully it doesn't make any sense to be angry at someone for passing the virus to you unless they did it knowingly.

 

I put no new I formation information in this post. I'm at a loss for how misunderstood my first post was. Sorry.

[honey_badger]

You said there is no telling and maybe that's your answer to my Q? By that do you mean that you think I can be infected by two different exposures 25 hrs apart? Because I was under the impression that that was at least unlikely if not impossible.

[2Legit2Quit]

That's not true. You can still get HSV 1 years later on your genitals, despite antibodies being built up. I understand the logic you're trying to apply to it, but it's not that black and white unfortunately. The fact that your doctor said it was bad and looked like a primary OB down below, would be more indicative of a new infection. When was your last sexual contact, before the ob?

 

I don't blame you for being angry.. My ex husband left me for another women too, after catching him cheating once, him begging me to work it out and 3 months later, he left me for a different woman than he had originally been cheating w.

 

Yes, you coukd be infected 25yrs apart. While they claim it provides a little immunity, it's not very high and in all honesty, not much evidence supports it, except maybe using logic. You'd think abtibodiestfor the same virus would help obviousl, but what you don't realize, there are different strains of HSV 1 and 2. So unless the same strain, you're not getting much immunity. If someone went down on you during a full blown high virion shedding period, then despite having oral HSV 1, you coukd still get it down there from someone else. Since you broke out in your mouth, but not in the genitals when you think you may have gotten it all from him at once, leads me to believe you didn't get it at the same time. Either you're gonna be asymptomatic at time of contraction or not.

[WCSDancer2010]

Bottom line is there's no way to know which way you got it - because you already had the anti-bodies.... and it's quite possible you could have got it recently especially if you were already stressed out.

 

Either way, you can't change where/who you got it from, and you will never know, and obsessing or worrying or getting upset at this point will just raise your stress levels, which feeds the virus (H LOVES stress).

 

Perhaps you just need to allow that anger about the ex to process again... maybe you hadn't quite finished dealing with it... so give yourself permission to be angry for a few days, then let it go :)

 

(((HUGS)))

[honey_badger]

Thanks you guys.

 

I'm not feeling obsessed or too worried. I just wanna understand what happend, if possible. Part of why I'm wondering is that I'm realizing that I have felt this way now and then over the years, tho not quite as bad. But I get it, that I'll never know.

 

I kinda don't think a person in my position is ever done dealing with what happened to me. I am in a better place w it now than a year ago and I'm sure I'll be better off in another. But it was 25 years that ended in a huge betrayal. We have children, so I have to deal with him constantly, and he's not a nice person.

 

One interesting reaction I had... Even before I thought the virus might be from him, I felt angry at him bc I'm supposed to be married and not dealing with this kind of crap. But then I thought my anger at that moment was mellower than I would have expected. And I realized its because if I had the choice between being where I was when my marriage was good and where I am now, herpes and all, Id rather be here.

[2Legit2Quit]

Hun it is completely normal to feel that way. I didn't even have a marriage thatong and although I've dated in the almost 6yrs subxe we split, I have not been in love or been open to it since and he's remarried! We just want you to keep H I perspective of you feel you had symptoms prior to this, it very well could be the case. Stress, sex and especially hormone changes you're not even aware if at a certain age can absolutely trigger this. We just don't want you to associate your anger w H, where I'm positive it has nothing to do w H, cause we don't want you to get uung up on thiningtit is H. If you do, you'll feel that way FOREVER and never heal, because H will always be there. Just looking out for ya! ;-)

 

I say the same thing. If I had two choices and I'm someone extremely symptomatic svsb in daily nmeds thanks to autoimmune disease; if I had the choice to have him in my life and be immune to H or get it at some oijty, I'd choose H any day. I can tell you, that a relationship will do more damage than H could ever do. Feel blessed not wasn't another 25yrs w him! I know that's hard now, but u get it;

[Bambina3]

I've had hsv2 for decades and was not aware....so we truly don't know where 1 or 2 come from....we have it, now we have to deal with it...hugs!!

[WCSDancer2010]

One interesting reaction I had... Even before I thought the virus might be from him, I felt angry at him bc I'm supposed to be married and not dealing with this kind of crap. But then I thought my anger at that moment was mellower than I would have expected. And I realized its because if I had the choice between being where I was when my marriage was good and where I am now, herpes and all, Id rather be here.

 

That is a *huge* AHA moment! Good for you! Such a great sign of growth through your experience ....so many never figure this out!

 

[honey_badger]

Yes! It was and it felt good to see it! I find myself often feeling very thankful that he ended things. So amazing considering how devastated I was.