Dun dun dun.... time to disclose again. Words of encouragement appreciated!!!!

[smilesfordani]

Hi there,

 

I've been part of this site for a couple of years and Adrial is definitely a godsend.

 

I'm getting ready to disclose again; I've done it three times successfully with two really amazing guys, and one guy that totally fooled me into thinking he was angel. He wasn't, I ended up dumping his ass for cheating on me and wouldn't take him back despite him regretting it (that's a cardinal sin in my life.) Two of the talks went so well, and one came with a bit of hesitation but ultimate acceptance and no issue after.

 

I basically have the speech memorized but it's always hard to lead up to it. I actually think I missed a perfect chance but in my experience, I'm only fully ready to tell the person when I'm fully ready to have sex with them. In this occasion he wanted to talk about having sex and how he wanted to move the relationship to that level and I simply told him I wasn't ready to, herpes completely aside, I was being totally honest; I just really like this guy and wanted to take things slow and see where they go.

 

Anyway, it's been a couple of weeks since "i missed my shot at telling him." It's been a few days since I've seen him and will be another week till we hang out again when he gets back from vacation, so I guess now it's my time to get my mental state together to have "the talk" again with this wonderful guy, let's call him V.

 

I guess I just want words of encouragement. Honestly, this is the most confident I've felt in telling anyone thus far. This guy is not inexperienced with women, he's sweet, attentive, affectionate, and what I think makes me the most confident is that he is not only completely open with how he feels about me (and is always eager to see me and talk to me), but he totally floored me this past weekend with his honesty.

 

I, for one, have been seeing another guy from time to time (not super recently), since I started seeing V, but I wasn't having sex with either one and this year have just been dating casually, and both of these guys were really sweet so I didn't feel super pressured to pick, since I'm 25 and know how the game works at this point in my life.

 

Well, I found out V does not play games. Christmas day we texted about previous relationships and dating and he was 100% upfront that he had been talking to another girl before meeting me but once he met me and quickly saw that he could have a much better relationship with me, he was honest with her and told her he'd found someone he really connected with and stopped talking to her. I was in shock that he'd do that.

 

To make me swoon even more, I realized I'd be back from christmas vacation a few hours sooner on Sunday than I expected and wanted to see him before he left for his trip. Well he was again 1000000% honest and told me he had made plans with a girl, a girl who he had mentioned he'd been together with this past summer but hadn't really pictured things working out with her anyway. He told me that because I'd mentioned a cheating boyfriend before he wanted me to trust him and that he the question of exclusivity hadn't come up, but though he hadn't had a girlfriend in years this is as close as he remembers it feeling. And if the idea of them hanging out made me uncomfortable that he would cancel his plans and see me instead. I was like "WHOA." I don't think I've felt this refreshed meeting someone so different before, not about games, all about open communication, honesty, and keeping the other person's interest at the forefront. So I gave him a total hallpass hahah. I told him to see her, that I wouldn't ask questions, and next time we see each other we could talk about being exclusive and what that means to us. :)

 

I'm still a wreck of nerves. I like him so much, am totally catching feelings for him, but of course there's always the possibility that he won't be okay with this bothersome virus. :/ I will update with his reaction (sweet jesus, please let it be a good one!!! aaaahhhh) I need a bit of prayers as everyone does with the big talk!!

 

[2Legit2Quit]

You'll be fine girl! You're a pro at this by now and you clearly know your worth and have confidence of such worth. So just keep rocking that shit and fuck him, if he doesn't accept it.

[WCSDancer2010]

We're all here behind you - you got this!

 

(((HUGS))) and Good Vibes coming your way!

[Julie]

Best wishes! Deliver your message with confidence. You're just letting him know you have something super minor and common, and will do everything you can to protect him. He already thinks highly of you - this should improve his perception of you as responsible and honest. YOU ARE HIGH QUALITY. Like 2Legit said, though, walk into this knowing that IF he takes a pass, then shake it off and move on knowing that you did everything right. Now - go get 'em girl!

[StillMeButWiser]

@smilesfordani Good luck on disclosing. My concern is if he stopped communication with the first girl why is he meeting with the summer time (2nd) girl? Beware what he claims to be 100% honesty is actually manipulating you. One thinking he is being honest, two he is a wanted man, making you want him more. From my experience men who are insecure place this game and possibly players. So my advise would be let him earn the trust of your disclosure first.

 

I'm not trying to burst your bubble but a true gentleman might tell about cutting ties with a girl but not mtg another or a girl.

[smilesfordani]

@stillmebutwiser I appreciate the advice! I know exactly the type of guy you're talking about. I'm not claiming to be an expert on the subject, but, I already dated that guy haha. It's the guy that cheated on me.

Yes there's still a chance that this guy is full of shit, just like there's a chance someone you've been seeing for a year is a dick without you realizing it. Not worth ruminating on the possibility of him being a bad guy and putting up a wall just cause I've been screwed in the past.

 

I did promise I wouldn't ask questions about him seeing girl #2, but I'll make sure to be 100% clear on what exclusive means to me when I see him in a few days before disclosing. That was my mistake with the last asshole - I decided to be trusting and think that it was "common sense" what we were establishing. I know better now.

 

Thanks again!