Dating again and confidence

[lostgirlx]

Okay first I want to say this isn't really a positive post and I'm sorry I just need advice.

So my h wasn't bothering me that much (the stigma and confidence wise) and I had a great understanding bf that accepted me for it.

Well we ended up breaking up. (When I told him I had it he said he didn't care and it was his choice and said if it ended up not working out he wouldn't hold it against me) anyways. He started saying he was going to blast my secret and tell EVERYONE I had it. then he told my best friend he was going to get tested and if they came back positive he would defintely tell everyone.

I also had another ex that threatened this. And another one that said mean things to me about it.

I'm just scared now. I'm scared of everyone knowing and I'm also just scared to date again (it definitely won't be for a long time) because I have to tell the person this and I hate having it used against me or being put down or judged for it. I feel like avoiding guys.. I always think telling someone is the scariest part and it's a relief when they accept it. But then this has happened with every single guy idk if I'm choosing the wrong guy. I know it's a life long std but I feel like it doesn't do any damage to my health just my emotions if that makes sense. And that a lot of people don't even get tested for it and ya sorry if I'm rambling.

[2Legit2Quit]

Wow! What an immature aas clown! You don't need that shit girl and trust, he isn't going to tell everyone you have it, because everyone would ignorantly assume he had it too and he knows that!

 

I think you may have a bad habit (guilty myself) of picking the same bad guys and that's why they all behave the same! Fuck them all! None will say shit for the reason I told you! They're just trying to emotionally black mail you, because they're abusive!

 

I think you should take a break from dating and focus on healing yourself if I may say? H is screaming to you, that you are making poor choices in the men you date, so time for a change hun!

 

Herpes isn't doing damage to your emotions Honey, those shitty ass men you choose, who don't desere you, are impacting your emotions negatively. Fuck all of them. Take a break from dating and seek therapy and make you the best you've ever been.

 

I am severely depressed and find difficulty in finding a reason to live, but ironically, my H has made me even less willing to settle; even w my worth so low. Recognize you deserve better, because you do! Hugs!

[lostgirlx]

Thank you for replying :) that really helped. yes I do think I have a bad habit of choosing abusive men I think.. Haha well yes I'm just going to focus on myself and stay away from men for a while. Hmm how has h made you less willing to settle?

[2Legit2Quit]

Girl and i do too! You're not alone! That's why I'm not dating, cause I gotta fix Me first, to attract the right men. I learned I can do bad all by myself. Don't need a man adding to that .

H has made me less willing to settle, because it forced me to stop romanticizing a man. AS females, we are notorious for doing that shit. It made me listen to his word's more deeply, rather than allowing my hormones to do all the listening, because,....oh he's so hot!! Lol..it made me really..., really listen . like I never have before. It's funny, because despite my low self-esteem, pre H, I now have a higher standard for men post H, than I did pre H. I have seen life. It is just not Worth your time, energy and effort, to screw around w a fuck boy. IMHO. If you were to make a pie chart, sex is such a small part of your life, if you were to look at it; you'd feel silly to see how much precedence we put on it. H made me stop wasting my time w idealizing a man, which all women tend to do in the beginning and start looking at: how can this man be a benefit to my life, as a partier in the future! How do we compliment one another outside of sex? Will he meet my needs? Hormones when sexually attracted to skmekneu, will make you give false answers to those questions. H forces you to out the hormone breaks on and be present. Of course it's up to you to recognize this and utilize that tool...

[StillMeButWiser]

Keep your chin up! Take nothing personally here for these reasons. 1.) he felt hurt from the break up there needs revenge by hurting you. (Telling others). 2.) he needs to save face not showing he is hurting therefore being mean to you empowers him. 3.). 1 & 2 are strong traits an insecure guy exercise, which he is....insecure or what I say a weenie.

 

A powerhouse like you needs a confident man. One who won't throw mean and petty things in your face to make themselves feel better. Start googling how to recognize an insecure man. Learn the flags and next time this will be avoided, because you will kick them to the curb before disclosing.

 

Don't be scared to date. Perhaps expand your pretty wings to another area (town). When going out to places that you think your ex blab, hold your head high, act like all is together, smiling and being happy. If someone was rude enough to confront answering the way you feel most confident whether it be a lie or not. (Boy, can you believe he has the balls to say such stuff just to make himself feel better?) Key is confident, classy, sassy and sexy.

 

Take a deep breath and repeat after me, This ain't nothing, I'm so much better of a person than him. I got this covered. Mirror talk is a good for this.

 

 

 

 

[WCSDancer2010]

Herpes is just acting as your Wingman friend... showing you that these men are asshats... and I agree, it seems you keep dating the same man in a different disguise... so a break and working on yourself sounds like a good plan.

 

But when you DO date again. go SLOW ... really watch the guy to see how he acts in different situations. For instance, if he is constantly bitching about his ex, that's a red flag because there's a good chance YOU will be the one he's bitching about before long. If he's nasty to the waitress, that's a red flag. Gossips ...red flag, etc.... As @2legit said, look for the other places where the man is showing you who he IS as a person.... don't disclose until you KNOW this man has integrity and deserves to know your status. Sounds like these past guys were more wanting to get INTO you, rather than getting into YOU.... and once the relationship was over, reality set in (that they had put THEMSELVES at risk) and they had to blame SOMEONE while they freaked out (even though odds are they are quite safe.

 

Check these links out. They may help you to understand what I'm saying here :)

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/5897/my-first-disclosure-story#latest Wingman example

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 )

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6347/my-disclosure-story 2 very different reactions … but both are “successful” in their own ways :)

 

Herpes as a relationship filter Adrial