I'm scared of intimacy...

[Fitchic]

I and a 24 year old single mom in the middle of a divorce. I found out I had HSV 2 in August along with my first outbreak and I was initially upset... I mean I can't imagine someone being enthralled finding out. I went straight to educating myself about how to cope with and prevent as well as treat my outbreaks. I have been lucky because I've casually dated and selectively told my potential suitors about my HSV and haven't had one ill response. I have engaged in sexual activity since finding out but I recently have gotten in to a monogamous relationship with a man who isn't a carrier. I'm so terrified of giving it to him even though I know what the twinge feels like and I disclosed the statistics of transmission and communicated how prevelent it really is... I'm terrified I'm going to end up giving it to him without even knowing. My outbreaks seem to be back to back lately but seeing how my divorce turned into a huge mess and a battle for assets it's needless to say stress is a contributing factor. This is a very healthy relationship and I don't want my fear of giving him or giving him my HSV to create issues.

[LadyKay]

I'm struggling with the same fear as you are, so you're not alone! I had my first HSV1 OB in Nov and I'm with my boyfriend of a year (he hasn't been tested yet, but no symptoms). So far I've just found it helpful to talk with my bf when that fear makes me want to avoid intimacy with him. He's done a lot of research on his own and tells me he's okay with the level of risk with our precautions. I think sometimes I feel it's my responsibility to protect him from it, but reminding myself that he's well aware of the condition, he's still excited to be with me, and that it's his decision calms me down to be able to enjoy the moment.

 

Hope you can get some good advice from some members with more experience :)

[2Legit2Quit]

Are you on daily suppressive therapy and using condoms? If not then I recommend doing so z so you can feel more at ease. W that said, I know how hard it must be not to fear passing it, as I'm very symptomatic myself, but we can't control most things in life. He's at a higher risk of getting it from someone who doesn't know their status, than he is getting it from you. There is no sure way. I knew my ex had oral herpes and we didn't everything to avoid kissing or anything during that time but I still got oral herpes from him. My HSV 2 came many yrs later and from someone else after our divorce. There is a risk in EVERY single thing we do, including him driving. Do you worry and stress over killing him in a car accident? Probably not, well this is no different, but it actually doesn't kill you. This is something you have to reach yourself z to oush out of your mind. When it comes up, say nope, nope, nope, not going to do this. The brain only needs 3 seconds of distraction from obsessive worryz to stop the pattern z before it moves onto something else. Five that a try and see how it works.

 

He clearly feels you are WORTH the risk, so don't project your fears on him and treat the virus as if it's a death sentence, because it's not. You're OK w H and he would be too, if he got it. Life continues on, don't let anything hold you back.

[Elise1977]

I always like reading posts like this, one because it reminds me that I'm not alone in my fears, but also because it reminds me that there are good people out there that care about whether or not they infect someone.

 

I've been dating my boyfriend for just about ten months now, and disclosed after I was tested four months ago. I worry all the time about passing it to him, but I've learned to control those fears by remembering that he chooses to be with me every day. I have worth that is beyond my diagnosis and he recognizes it. You do, too! Yes, if I pass it on to him, it will suck, and I will be really sad, but there are so many things that can happen in a relationship that are hard - this is a good test as to whether or not he's someone that will stick around when life throws a curve ball.

 

I am asymptomatic, but take suppressive therapy in an attempt to not pass it on to him (mostly, I've gotten forgetful on occasion because HSV is such a non issue for me), but our sex life hasn't changed at all. We don't talk about it. It's just something that we'd have to deal with if it happens.

[WCSDancer2010]

@Fitchic

 

I strongly suggest that while you are in the early stages of a relationship that you get on an antiviral and use condoms... it takes a lot of the stress out of the equation, which at this point you need to keep to a minimum because new relationships are fragile enough as it is... :)

 

Also, check out the links below for some ideas of how to be intimate and not pass H on... you may find your sex life is better than any you have had thanks to H in the long run :)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

http://herpeslife.com/keeping-your-partner-herpes-free-can-be-super-sexy/

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/5807/list-the-ways-to-protect-my-partner-from-getting-herpes-hsv2 Safe alternatives to sex

 

http://www.herpes.org/whitepaper-alternatives-in-intimacy/