NOT ENOUGH INFO ON DEALING WITH REJECTION!!!!!$@")$!!

[Thumper]

What are the statistics of people rejecting a person with herpes???

I'm a 54 yr old woman recently rejected. It's difficult enough meeting single men my age whom are active, fit let alone who will accept this disease.

The course seems to teach a lot of things on feeling good about yourself but not too much the nitty gritty on how to care for yourself after a rejection

[al]

Hi Thumper it's been a while, anyway your right, there isn't anything on handling rejection. I had one of my best friends come visit me this weekend with this girl i guess he's messing with now. We were bar hopping last night and Friday night and he kept trying to be my wing man, which is cool but i was afraid of the rejection that would come later on down the line. Though I'm not too worried about the sex thing for now cause my schedule is pretty full with fights for at least the next 2 months, i should be able to hold off but i still have that floating in the back of my mind.

[2Legit2Quit]

@al we've discussed your situation and knowing what you've gone through lately and been dealing w, I recommend what I've recommended to a few people on here, when you're in that place. Here is a great article on why I think it's so important when we're in this nonmans land part of our life, to start exploring alone and I promise, you will find yourself again and be better than before. This article, she's dealing w her grief of her grandmother's passing, but grief and going through the process despite the circumstances, are all the same stage's, just may be in a different order defending on the situation. She really encapsulates why I find it pertinent to travel alone when you feel lost. Why not literally be lost in a beautiful place, that will help you find yourself!?

 

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/learned-solo-travel-after-grandmother-death_b_9043230.html?utm_hp_ref=women&ir=Women&section=us_women&ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000046

[2Legit2Quit]

@thumper I would like to suggest something to you and it's going to be very blunt and forward. I'll try my best to word it as sensitively as I can, because sometimes I'm not great at what I call "fairy dusting" my words, so please forgive me if I fail.

 

So, I can only go off your posts and words you choose to use and I basically explained the same thing to @al in one of his posts too, but he's coming off the way he is for some different reasons, than you are.

 

I kind of suspect, that you may be coming off as desperate and needy to these men, which is a turn off. Your posts scream "I'm freaking out. I need someone ASAP, because I think my time is running out, because I'm older!! I don't have the patience to go through the dating process, I want what I want now!!!". Ok, so it may not be verbatim and may not be what you feel, but YOU ARE coming off that way and I can assure you, men can pick up on that. Men want to run, when they get any type of sense that a person is going to rely on them for happiness, approval, acceptance or validation. The only type of men who don't run from this, are the ones you don't want. The dysfunctional ones and they smell your type (vulnerable, lonely, needing acceptance from a man), like a shark smells blood. They want women in that state of mind, because they're easy to exploit and abuse. (Refer back to your ex husbands as evidence of such)

 

Wanting something so bad that you don't have all the control over it happening, is not going to make it happen any faster. In all honesty, I feel that if you don't get to a place of being OK w being alone, you will only continue to project onto other's and then men will run. The good ones that is. You have to come to a place where you feel that you're alone now and it may stay that way until you die and you're OK w that. What other choice do you have? Being in a frantic state won't help your live life and it won't hell your state of happiness either. .You need to think, if it happens it happens, but I can assure you that the state of your mind is not doing your own well-being any good and it certainly isn't going to help your love life

 

Just some food for thought. Hope I didn't offend you and I apologize if I did. I don't believe in blowing smoke up people's asses. I believe only in the raw unadulterated truth, being what makes people snap out of things and start working on healing what is broken.

[WCSDancer2010]

Here's some info on Rejection and how to deal with it... it's something I've done a fair bit of research on.

 

The Rejection Response is actually a physical response that used to work to keep us in line so that we didn't get kicked out of the group... because to be on our own was a certain death to Saber Toothed Tigers or whatever. It's a survival tool that no longer serves us. So when we come to understand this, and realize that Rejection is usually not about us (especially if you are purely rejected for having Herpes ... now IF, as 2legit suggests, you are coming across as needy, that is the thing YOU need to focus on,.... NOT the fact that you have Herpes) you can learn to deal with it.

 

If someone rejects you purely because you have Herpes, it helps to look at it that this is actually Herpes being your Wingman. If they reject you for carrying a virus that odds are THEY have (and they have CERTAINLY unwittingly been exposed to many times), then why would you want them in your life? You just learned that this person isn't wanting to get into YOU... they just want to get INTO you. And unless you are wanting casual sex, that is H doing you a favor. (If you want casual sex, then just move on to the next potential partner... who gives a fuck that that last one thought if you are not emotionally attached to them?)

 

These links should help you come to understand Rejection more :)

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/rejection_its-all-about-perspective/ (my blog)

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/4699/first-real-disclosure-first-real-rejection Rejection as your teacher…..

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201307/10-surprising-facts-about-rejection

 

 

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/dating-with-herpes Ella

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6070/it-gets-better great tips for newbies

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2886/herpes-yoga-and-self-love

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/5897/my-first-disclosure-story#latest Wingman example

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 )

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6347/my-disclosure-story 2 very different reactions … but both are “successful” in their own ways :)

 

Herpes as a relationship filter Adrial

 

 

 

 

[StillMeButWiser]

2legit2quit has some good points on being desperate or should we say over enthusiastic. Take faith in your confidence of knowing what YOU bring to the table; wisdom, great personality, fun, caring, witty, great looks, wonderful smile, etc. Men like confidence.

 

At the same time I understand your point of the age making it challenging. You are a very young spirited 54 y/o who doesnt want an old fart. I wouldnt. Fifty something men fit into two categories, i"ll summarize as young and old spirited. Right? I would say to find someone like you is to look where they most likely would be, gym, sports club, etc. As the old saying goes, birds of feather flock together. Please take heart in knowing you are not the only young 54 yo lady with this challenge. Some of my girlfriends have the same issue.

 

Instead of saying to yourself, im never gonna find a man. Say I wonder who is going to the one Im suppose to meet. See the difference?