hoping someone can relate/advice/venting

[smalltown23]

I have been with my bf for almost 2 years now. About 5 months ago I was diagnosed with ghsv. We have a great relationship, open communication, just a very stable relationship and he has been amazing thru everything that has been going on. He's been so supportive and as understanding as he can be and we still plan on marriage and children in the future.

 

The hard times are when it comes to being intimate. I'm scared everyday that I am going to pass it to him (he hasn't been tested and has had no symptoms so we treat it like he doesn't have it). I'm worried every time I feel even a slight itch even tho each time so far it has proven to be just be normal irritation and we refrain from intimacy when I feel anything going on down there. I did have swollen lymph nodes for the first time a few weeks ago and we refrained from intimacy until it healed. (Epsom salt baths helped tremendously).

Do these fears ever go away. The thought of having kids etc. someday scares me now that I have to deal with this. I am taking daily antivirals and we have opted not to use condoms. He is fully aware of the risks (we had couples coaching at a reproductive clinic) and figures if he gets it that it would just be another thing we have in common. But it scares me because I feel like he is to good of a man to have to deal with this. Is it bad that sometimes I feel like if I had to deal with this alone it may be easier. I wouldn't have to worry about passing it on because I wouldn't want to get involved with someone... I know that sounds terrible and I love him to no end, but some days its so hard to deal with having this. Im not trying to be a debbie downer, just venting. I'm tired of being scared..I'm tired of not understanding my body right now..and I know this is hard on him at times because its hard for him to understand whats going on with me when even I do not fully understand it.

[optimist]

@smalltown23 - I'm just going to reply to one small part of this because I don't have enough experience yet to answer the rest. About pregnancy, it might comfort you to know that neonatal herpes is rare in spite of the fact that 25-30% of pregnant women have genital herpes and most do not know it. The greatest risk is when a woman contracts a new infection during the third trimester of pregnancy. Reference: http://www.ashasexualhealth.org/stdsstis/herpes/herpes-and-pregnancy/

[Elise1977]

Get your boyfriend tested! It isn't fair for you to be living with that level of guilt and worry. Why would you treat is as though he doesn't have it if it's documented that up to 80% of people with HSV don't even know? You say he's being wonderful and supportive, but he's letting you suffer emotionally this way? If you've been together 2 years, and were just diagnosed 5 months ago, why do you assume he isn't the one who passed it to you? Have you been typed to determine if it is HSV1 or HSV2?

[smalltown23]

When we went to the clinic for coaching. The doctor actually told us that she doesnt like to do the blood test if you have had no symptoms so we listened to her. Thats why he wasnt tested. She said that the odds of him not having it were slim since we had been together so long. I know that doesnt make much sense but it did at the time. It was new to us so we listened to her. He takes equal responsibility for this being apart of our lives now and we try to refrain from pointing fingers since whats done is done. I actually had a blood test done after the sore had healed because i did not have time to get in any sooner. It came back positive for both. I should note that about 9 months to a year prior to this sore. I had one in the same spot. I thought I scratched myself and it caused it. Didnt think anything of it never had another problem until this one happened and it thru up a red flag.

[Bambina3]

I received the same lecture when I wanted the blood work, although I requested it originally after my confirmed swab....They didn't want to test due to swab, but Doctor also went on to say she didn't want to do it generally on anyone without symptoms...listening to her was like listening to cdcs reasoning for not testing...recently I did finally have the blood work.

If he insists, they will give him slip for blood work, I finally said "I want to know if I also have type 1"

As far as children, I've had 3 chicken naturally, was unaware I had hsv2, and thank God everyone is fine....the doctors will perform a c section if they even suspect a possible ob...so no need to worry about pregnancy.

I'd aim to get him tested first, and proceed from there

Good luck

[ihaveittoo]

Lol...always knew you were a Mother Hen @Bambina3 ;-)

[Bambina3]

@ihaveittoo

first time I think I actually chuckled on h site

Thanks !!!

[smalltown23]

Thanks for all advice. And i do feel better about the pregnancy thing now to. What shocked me the most was the positive for type 2. We both get oral cold sores so I figured if anything it was type1 genitally. So when the doc told me type 2 t and i did all the normal research it was a surprise. Thats why we think it may be him and he just maybe asymptomatic bt like u all said we wnt know unless he does a test. This site has helped me alot in the last few weeks coping with it all. The support is amazing!