Just diagnosed and scared of hiv now

[janedoe]

Hi,

I diagnosed with hsv2 last week. My story is I guess quite common: I noticed blisters on my vagina. They were itching really bad. I rushed to the doctor and a nurse practititoner examined me and told me that the lesions look like herpes. 3 days later I got the results... I was and still am a mess. Also, after blisters showed up, I got this crazy nerve pain and flu like symptoms (sore throat, dry eyes, and runny nose) and the second wave of blisters in old and new places. Now I am scared that I have hiv too. I gave the clinic a call and they told me that I should wait 6 weeks to get a define answer (for hiv testing). I am really scared...

[Bambina3]

I'm so sorry to read this, but please know there are many that are in or have been in your shoes...I was a blood donor and after my hsv2 diagnosis I was afraid to donate anymore for fear of what else might show up. It's very scary.

Good luck with everything, many great links here. I'm sure once @WCSDancer2010 pops in she will help you with that.

Hugs

[hippyherpy]

I think that the first herpes outbreak can accompanied by some fever like symptoms. HIV usually takes a while to hit, and unless you are sharing needles or having sex with high risk populations, then it is unlikely that you will come into contact with HIV.

[mr_hopp]

Hi janedoe,

 

Getting an initial diagnosis and outbreak can be painful, scary and confusing, for sure. But hang in there because it does get better! And it’s awesome that you’re actively reaching out for help. So many people just hide in the shadows hoping for the bad stuff to pass, but that just makes all the emotions and funky stuff fester that much more.

 

And it is absolutely common to have flu-like symptoms from a new herpes infection. It is a virus, much like the flu virus, so your body is mounting a defense on it in much the same way. So this is the beginning of your body developing antibodies that will progressively protect you from outbreaks in the future. The first 6 months to a year is when the body is doing the most to get herpes under control. So everything’s working as it should. Good job, body. ;)

 

And can I ask why you're afraid of HIV? Did someone you slept with tell you they had HIV? Or is it because you read that having herpes can make you more susceptible to getting HIV/AIDS? And if it happens to be because of the latter, then the reason why that stat is out there is because if you have sex while an outbreak is happening (which you wouldn't do anyway, I hope) ;) then the open sores make it easier for other possible STDs to enter your system.

[hippyherpy]

Adrian, 2legit posted something a while back that said that cd4 cells present even after the outbreak make it 3x more likely even without the presence blisters. There's a YouTube clip with that Dr. Corey I think where he explains it.

[janedoe]

I am afraid because I read something like having herpes makes you 3 times more susceptable to hiv. I called the nurse and she told me that that is because integrity of my skin is compromised. And I had a shaved vagina and a mild BV at the time that I have contracted (so the skin was compromised right?) However the real reason that I am panicking is that the person who gave me herpes was cheated on me (straight white male). So, I figured he lied once before... There is no stopping him lying about this too.

 

The blisters - I can manage. Flu like symptoms and this crazy nerve pain like a jellyfish stung me - I can manage. I can live in the shadows. I can cry in the dark. No problem. I can take care of myself. But hiv scare is too much. I can't sleep at night and do my job because of all this emotional stress.

 

To make things worse, I went online and actually read what people said about dating someone with herpes. They call people like me whores (which I don't care anyway), or some other sick names (herp girl etc). And the reality is they may already have it. The person who gave me this was having no symptoms and WAS tested... That is why I haven't suspected anything. Then I learned that they don't look for herpes unless you specifically ask in a STI test. I know, I am such a cliche.

 

I don't know what has happened to me. I know what happened... But I still can't believe that this is my life now. I feel like my identity is destroyed. It is like someone broke me with a hammer and hand me this 10000 piece puzzle that used to be me. I don't know how pieces fit together. I don't know myself anymore.

 

By the way, Adrial, you are a saint. If I didn't find this website and watch your videos, I would probably go insane. Thank you for everything you have done.

[mr_hopp]

I'm glad this site is helping you maintain. "H Opp: Helping thousands of people not go insane." ;)

 

So two things:

 

1) It's totally normal to be freaking out at the possibility of also having HIV and anything else. I understand the worry and paranoia of that. (When I first got herpes, I thought I had absolutely EVERYTHING and was going to die the next week of the plague, so I get it.)

 

2) AND ... do yourself a huge favor and let yourself relax until you can officially get tested. Odds are, you don't have HIV, then you spent 6 weeks worrying yourself into oblivion. I know it feels like a tall order, but I know you can do it! Mind over matter. Mind over matter. (And regardless of what you have, you are strong enough to pull through it. Trust me.)

 

And about your identity feeling like it's been shattered? Whew. PREACH, sister. ;) I know this might sound crazy, but what if that's not a bad thing? So many of us go through shattering experiences in our lives and we pick up the pieces and grow stronger because of it. Trust the process. Follow that guru humpty dumpty. Let yourself shatter and see what remains. It may feel like the end of the world right now, but it might just be that whole phoenix rising from the ashes thing. Let the old identity burn away if it must. You're moving into something new anyway.

[janedoe]

Ok, I am gonna try and be calm. I have never realized that having people by your side, people that understands your situation and what you are going through can be amazing.

 

Actually, I already got my first herpes super power :) After my diagnosis, when I am in a hard or impossible situation, I become this really calm and logical person. Now, I can turn a situation around and to my advantage like doing a rubik cube. I can see new ways, solutions and strategies for that problem.

 

I know that I am going to be okay. Deep down I have this voice inside me (thanks to you and many other members of this community) telling me that everything is gonna be okay and even better than before. I guess I just need time to actually believe that.

 

I promised myself that when I am this successful person (whatever that means, doing something that nobody has ever done before or inventing something that humanity can benefit from) I am gonna go on a stage, tell everything and thank you and this community to making me a better person.