Post diagnosis anger...

[janedoe]

Hi,

 

Little back story here: I just diagnosed last week. Had my initial outbreak. I think the sores are gone now. I didn't look, I feel like my genitals are gonna bite me if I look down there.

 

I was really depressed last week. I couldn't get out the bed, couldn't do my job. After posting here, I found a little peace and I felt almost fine... Until today. The more I think about it, I get more angry. How could I be this stupid? Warning signs were there...How did I trust this guy? I should have known better. He played me, cheated on me and gave me this life long struggle. You cannot believe the amount of anger I feel to myself and the world. I can feel the hate flowing through my veins. Thanks to him, I have to have this FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

 

What would I say about myself? "Hi, my name is janedoe and I am a really nice person. Btw, I have herpes."

 

How can I forgive myself? I don't wanna feel this anger. I just want everything to go back to normal.

[As89]

I felt the same way and I honestly think that's pretty normal but... Give yourself time and you will feel better. I was deeply depressed for months... Still not 100% but like anything time heals. You still are normal and don't forget that. I really hope you feel better soon because I know how deep and dark I felt. Just remember everything happens for a reason and maybe this is protecting you from something worse. :/ keep your head up and go read success stories, those always made me feel better.

[StillMeButWiser]

What you are experiencing is all part of the grieving and healing process. Educating yourself, allowing yourself to cry and being kind to yourself are all tools in handling this fragile time. Checking in with this support team certainly is a huge help too.

[Elise1977]

I felt the same way, too. I made a similar post last fall about being so angry that I wanted to go out and be promiscuous and hurt others, just because someone had been so careless with me. Those feelings of anger will wane as you come to terms with your diagnosis. They say that anger is a secondary emotion, which is really a reaction to how hurt you are because someone treated you so poorly and respected you so little. Surround yourself with people who lift you up, treat the underlying cause of your anger, and it will get better!

 

I think one thing to keep in mind is that there are a lot of people here who got herpes from someone who didn't know they had it. Yes, this guy was a dick to you, but herpes isn't a punishment for trusting an asshole. You could have been in a loving relationship and gotten it, too. So, forgive yourself because you didn't do anything wrong. Herpes just happens sometimes, like a cold, or a stomach bug, it just unfortunately doesn't go away. No one looks down on people who get strep throat from making out with a stranger! We got unlucky to get the one that sticks.

 

Take the time you need to process, but remember than millions and millions of people have herpes and go on to live happy, productive lives full of friendships, family, sex, and love.

[mr_hopp]

Right now, herpes seems like the biggest thing in your life. And that's totally normal. And like others have said in this thread, time does tend to put herpes back in its place as a little annoying skin condition that pops up time to time instead of the life-ruiner that it seems to be right now.

 

And ultimately, what herpes will become will be just another thing that you have to throw into your imperfection bin. We're all imperfect. That's what makes us human. And if you go on a date with someone who is perfect, there's something seriously wonky with that. ;) So yes, it'll end up sounding like, "Hey I'm Jane Doe. I've gone through my highs and my lows. I've got stuff I'm proud of and stuff I've judged about myself. And I've learned a whole heck of a lot about myself through the process. I'm a human being. Oh, you are, too? Awesome, tell me more." :)

 

Everyone's got their stuff. And if we can accept that, then our stuff that initially would make us rejectable by everyone actually becomes a way to connect in our shared humanity.