Hi. I'm new. Never thought I'd be here...

[GlitterPrincess]

After being with one person my whole life this chick went a little crazy, and still was her normal over trusting self. Never thinking anything bad could happen. Never thought I’d have a worry other then who I was sleeping with that week.

 

That changed a month ago. It started with the outside of my vagina being sore. All around it. I thought it was a diff sign of a yeast infection. I get them all the time. I treated it and felt better. Must have been a coincidence. Few days later the bumps came out. 2 small clusters of pimples on my inner thigh, a good half inch to a inch away from the lips of my vagina. I thought it was from the gym. Wearing tight clothes and working out. Then I looked closely and thought OMG it’s ingrown hairs. No big deal!

 

Well after 2 weeks still there and being sore I woke up at 2am Monday morning and started googling. Images of herpes flood my google. My mouth drops. Those small clusters look just like what is on my leg. But herpes? On my leg? So I start the research. It says what I thought it was is what it’s mistaken for many times. I also read the first outbreak shows flu like symptoms. That weekend I was waking up in sweats making me change my pajamas 3 times one night. Then I see it says it can show up on the thighs. The nausea kicks in. I’m sweating. How could this happen to me? I never made anyone use condoms, I had a hysterectomy, pregnancy was the only thing I thought about happening in sex. Never thought about stds. I mean I slept with “good” people. Granted many I really didn’t know. But they were GOOD people. They were clean, well dressed, well educated. (Isn’t that the stigma, those types of people are clean right? Only dirty people have herpes right? Yea. Naive. So freaken naive.) I’d always throw the “are you up to date on your shots” question in a joking way. Always a yes.

 

2am til 8am when I can call the doctor feels like forever. I lay in bed thinking, trying to convince myself life isn’t over. And maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it’s nothing. I am a overthinker and read into things. I’m sure I’m fine. I can’t wait any longer so I drive to the doctors office and call them from the parking lot. They can’t get me in. I start to get upset. She says well I’ll squeeze you in if you can get here now. I’m in the parking lot so in I go.

 

She calls me in and Doctor looks me over. She looks at my thigh and says no. That is not herpes. I tell her what I’ve read and show her pics. She says no. She diagnoses me with infected ingrown hair. I ask her if I can get STD tests because it’s been awhile. She sends me in for them for my own piece of mind.

 

Over a week later I wake up to my results being posted. There’s no denying my results. Their as clear as day. Abnormal results. Positive for Herpes simplex virus type-1.

 

So I was right. For once I listened to my body and knew something wasn’t right. I couldn’t accept her diagnosis. I know she’s the doctor and I don’t become one from googling for 6 hours but my body was saying something wasn’t right.

 

Some of me wishes I walked away from her with the infected ingrown hair diagnosis. The cream she gave me healed it. I would have walked away with that diagnosis, been healed. And never known I have herpes. Ignorance is bliss.

 

Now I can’t clear my mind from it. I can’t make sense of it. I have so many questions. Google sends me in so many directions. Doctor sends me pamphlets. I need real people that have been there before. I wish I had them in real life. I wish I could sit with someone and hear their success story. But with the stigma this infection brings its so hush hush I don’t know if the person next to me has it. And I kinda get that. I’m not ready for anyone to know. I’m barely ready for myself to know.

 

I hope you can bear with me through all my questions and forgive my naiveness towards all of this.

[smalltown23]

I can relate to how you feel. I have been with the same person for 2 years now and was diagnosed 6 months ago. Came as a huge shock. Neither of us ever showed signs until I woke up with symptoms one morning. Thought I was having an allergic reaction to something and it took 2 weeks to heal but I couldn't shake the feeling that it wasnt that simple since we both get cold sores. Went to the dr and had blood work done to clear my head and then just like that my worries were confirmed. Im doing much better now then i was a few months ago (a special thanks to my therapist) and we have no intention of telling anyone. I have even gone to the length of choosing to dr an hour and half away since makes me more comfortable.

[Sil88]

Hi, get a swab test. Everyone has hsv1 (your result is completely normal) - you need to specifically test the blisters on your leg. Your doctor hasn't been proven wrong, there's hope yet! Although waking up in sweats through the night sounds familiar to me, it could be related to anxiety after having Google-diagnosed.

[GlitterPrincess]

I had blood and swab test. There was no mistaking what it was.

[GlitterPrincess]

The sweats were before the googling. Thank you for your hope though :) everyday I'm

Getting a little more used to the diagnosis. Just still a hard one to swallow.

[Sil88]

Oh sorry, I was still half asleep when reading.. thought it was just bloods. You'll get used to the diagnosis with time.

[GlitterPrincess]

Lol it's ok. I didnt specify that she did both :) Thanks for your response. I'm sure I will.

[Bambina3]

I also missed where you said swab above,

Hsv1 is usually transmitted from mouth to that area...,she could of had it a very long time and didn't know.

[GlitterPrincess]

I also missed where you said swab above,

Hsv1 is usually transmitted from mouth to that area...,she could of had it a very long time and didn't know.

 

I was actually wondering that. Does hsv 1 come from a guy that had a cold sore going down on me? Or did a guy have hsv1 somewhere there and I got it from contact? I wish I would have gotten tested when I was going to before the outbreak so if it came back negative I could have narrowed down how or who

I got it from. That makes me sound awful but I can't lie. I was having fun.

[optimist]

GlitterPrincess - HSV-1 can be spread through oral sex to the genitals through asymptomatic shedding without a cold sore being present. Risk of transmission is higher when there is an active cold sore, just like risk of transmission is higher when there are active genital sores, but it can also spread through asymptomatic shedding.