Not sure where to start

[opportunity123]

Hi All,

 

I am a 23 year old male trying to learn how to learn how to deal with the multitude of feelings coming my way. I am about 99% sure I have HSV-1, and also have the other pleasure of having genital warts, otherwise known as HPV. I am extremely nervous for my doctor’s appointment next week.

 

I graduated college as a successful student, but tended to abuse alcohol--- once drinking everyday and night for over a month straight--- and was quite reckless in my sexual escapades. I never held a steady relationship or partner, even during high school, and so one night stands seemed to be ‘my thing’. I regularly checked myself through blood tests for STDs, but did not realize HPV could sneak past such tests.

 

After my diagnosis and subsequent treatment for HPV, I entered a year-long recovery process that included depression, anxiety, and luckily psychotherapy. It turns out that I probably had these mental conditions for a while, so I eventually learned to think about the HPV as a blessing in disguise. It pushed me so close to edge of a breakdown that I sought treatment for the first time, and psychotherapy literally may have saved my life. I was---and still am--- thinking of my situation in a positive light until another hurdle came my way…I hope that I can eventually think about my herpes diagnosis in the same light as HPV, but sometimes I think 2 life-long STDs is just more than I--- or any partner--- can handle

 

I stayed away from actual sex for about a year before I met and began talking to a girl that revealed to me she was positive for HSV-1 in the genital region. I was honest about my condition as well, and I think we were both relieved to find someone that was going through a somewhat similar situation. At first, we engaged in only oral adventures, but then, drunk one night, we decided to have sex. We used a condom, and she had not had a breakout in over a year, but it was still transmitted. I think what frustrates me the most is that alcohol certainly affected my decision making process. Regardless, I think she is cool girl and has been helpful throughout this process. Reading stories of those that were given the present and then abandoned or lied to, I am certainly blessed to find myself in this situation. We were both honest about our situations and took a risk in having sex, I just wish I thought about it a bit longer.

 

I am totally unsure where to go from here. I move to another country soon and cannot help but think about how much easier life would have been without it. I am unsure what my health coverage will be like there, how I will manage, who I will talk to, what resources I will even have, or how the stigma will be once I even get there. I do not want the pain and discomfort to stop me from working out, something that I love. I am essentially setting the reset button on my friends, my immediate family, and all of my natural comforts. I also want to go to medical school and unsure if I could even be a doctor with a diagnosis of herpes. However, I am torn because this is a decision I made quite some time ago, and I would hate for a herpes diagnosis to change my direction in life. I feel like that would make the power the stigma has over me stronger.

 

My family is extremely evangelical, totally against drinking and sex, which is what got me in this situation in the first place. I cannot lie when I say that this causes a healthy dose of self-blame on top of all of this. I know they love me and would support me, but I also know it would break their heart and I would only put more of a strain on our relationship. They are more prone to the stigma attached with herpes than anyone else, given their religious faith. To educate them would probably only cause them to blame themselves, or cause argument, as they tend to stick to their preconceived notions regardless of education.

 

To sum it up, I am having trouble right now seeing a diagnosis as an opportunity. Knowing that I not only have one, but two STDs seems to slip into my head whenever I am having a fun moment or enjoying myself. I have intense fears about revealing this to a future partner, especially considering I have never held a steady relationship. I really am trying to not beat up myself over this, but it’s hard knowing I just gained another obstacle with me on my journey. I am generally just scared shitless over this whole thing and hoping it gets better.

 

Thanks to anyone that responds, my main question for now is how to reveal this to my doctor who seemed a little judgmental about my HPV in the first place and then what questions to ask about everything coming my way?

 

I also just needed somewhere to share my story and I am extremely grateful for this forum. I am just trying to find the best way to prepare for what I believe is an inevitable diagnosis, given what I see down there. Hopefully, with a different mindset, I learn to think of this in a different light over time.

 

NOTE: It may seem like a WebMD diagnosis, but it seems like I check pretty much all the boxes :/

[MMissouri]

I would wait until your doctors appointment and test results before assuming you have HSV1. I'm guessing you think it's in the genital area as well? Sex with a condom, no outbreak, and HSV1 genital to genital transmission would lower your risk in my opinion. What exactly are your symptoms?

 

As for you becoming a doctor with herpes...why couldn't you? Herpes does not change your decisions- you do. You're only as strong as you allow yourself to be. Herpes should have no impact on any career unless it involves having sex with people- and even the porn industry has people with herpes.

 

Good luck.

[opportunity123]

Hi MMissouri,

 

Thank you for your response. Specifically, "Irritation: itching, burning and tingling sensations on , or around, the genitals, thighs, buttocks and groin" and the "itching/burning inside the urethra when urinating". Also some fatigue, but not sure what part of that is in my head. I also have some dry skin in the area that show darker patches, but not blisters. This is certainly nothing I have ever felt with HPV symptoms. I also read that, "research shows that less than 40% of recently-infected males will actually develop blisters during their initial outbreak". To clarify we had sex 3-4 weeks ago, so it seems to almost fit into the 2-20 day time frame.

 

I will certainly present all this information to my doctor, but I am unsure how they can actually test for this? Should I ask for a specific test? I am sure I will take a blood test anyway, but in the past I already tested positive for HSV-1 through the blood test, with no sign of an outbreak.

 

And thank you, sometimes we can be pretty terrible friends to ourselves, and when I was writing this, I think I was making connections that weren't there, just putting myself down.

[MMissouri]

The doctor will know if there are any swabable areas in order to test, but a swab will only tell you if you are positive, it will not tell you what type you are dealing with. A blood test is the most informative test, but 3-4 weeks is quite new. An IgM will pick up a new infection (But those tests are not very reliable), an IgG is the best bet, but you will have to wait for those antibodies to build up. (I believe they say 3 months? I'm sure someone will come along and clarify if I'm wrong on that).

 

You're welcome :). I work in a hospital so I wanted you to know that it is very possible to have a job in the medical field while you have herpes. In fact, I can tell you that in our small lab, 3 coworkers have coldsores, which are hard to hide, and one has HSV1 and HSV2 (She confided in me). If you include myself (I'm not sure which type I have) that is 5 definite positive people out of roughly 21. And that's just those that know.

 

Hang in there.

[Leanne27]

My swab test was able to identify the type.

[MMissouri]

Really? I was never given a type from my swab? It may be that it was a long time ago! I wish that my lab did that type of testing, but they don't. (I've no experience with herpes testing other than whats learned on this site).

[janedoe]

I've learned I have hsv-2 by swab too. Never did the blood test. I think lab can identify the type from the swab.

[MMissouri]

I was tested in 1999. They just said "its positive for herpes".

 

For a split second I was wishing I had frequent outbreaks so I could swab and be done. Odd how that works. lol

[Bambina3]

My recent confirming diagnosis was by swab

Then I went on and eventually received the blood test to confirm 1 and 2

[opportunity123]

Interesting, I have already confirmed 1, but was told it was just cold sores and never showed any signs. Due to the recent discomfort, but no signs or blisters or anything like that, are there any 'swabbable' areas?

[WCSDancer2010]

@opportunity123

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

So - I hope I remember everything that I was making note of as I read this... but I'm not convinced you have HSV1 genitally for the following reasons:

 

1) you say you already have HSV1 according to a blood test. Have you ever had cold sores? If not, do you know the values from the blood test? Either way, if you already have HSV1 orally, odds are pretty good you won't get it genitally because you already have the antibodies to it to fight it off.

 

AND

 

2) HSV1 genitally *rarely* transfers to a partner because the carrier sheds a whole lot less.... that combined with the condom, and her not having an OB and, well, your risk factor was likely well below 1% and that's over the course of a YEAR or regular sex.

 

So, unless your original HSV1 was genital, odds are this isn't H1. You could have a bacterial or yeast issue, or Trichomoniasis... or something completely different.

 

If your Dr was not helpful when you got HPV, I suggest you get another Dr. There's NO excuse for poor/judgemental behavior for something like that from a Dr. And Genital warts (and HPV in general) are incredibly common. The CDC reckons that *anyone* who is at all sexually active will likely get at least 1 type of HPV in their lifetime. Odds are most men actually have at least 1 but the only ones that you guys get diagnosed for are warts because the rest hide in your system and there's no test for them. And once the warts are gone and are in remission, odds are low for you passing them on.

 

I suggest you go to Planned Parenthood for the testing and advice. *Most* (sadly not all) PP's are pretty up to date on their info. Never mind that most GP's are usually terribly informed anyway (even the "nice" ones) because they have more urgent things to stay abreast of.

 

As for being a Dr - honey - 80% of the population has oral herpes, and 15-20% has genital herpes. If potential Dr's were screened for Herpes we wouldn't have any Dr's...LOL .

 

So you want to see the opportunity here? Become that Dr and remember just how tough this time has been on you so you are caring and empathetic for all your clients in the future.... because many Dr's are less than helpful because they don't understand the stranglehold that the stigma can have on people - how their self judgements come to the surface at diagnosis - how this little virus, that most Dr's see as a nuisance skin condition in an inconvenient place - causes so much angst in people when they get the diagnosis. This is YOUR opportunity to look at how all this is affecting you so that your future patients will have someone who accepts whatever way they react to any diagnosis and who is supportive, educational (the definition of Doctor actually is TEACHER, after all!), and compassionate.

 

(((HUGS)))

[MMissouri]

I have learned more on this forum than I have in any classroom or in the lab. I think that in the field I'm in, and working with the people that I do, I would be well educated on H. And I'm not.

 

A coworker asked the ER dr for an order for HSV1&2 typing. The doctors first statement after handing over the order was- I don't want to see the results. Why not?? You would think that he would know how common it is!

 

And that same co worker-a lab technician for over 25 years who has experience with H testing at other locations (think about that) came back positive for both. Her first statement was- I must have been exposed to it and I don't need to disclose because that only means I have the antibodies NOT the virus. WTH?!

 

My point is.. I do not think they fully understand it. Therefore, it gets pushed aside. It was glossed over in my studies and I have a feeling it is in other fields as well. Keep that in mind when you think the medical field is lacking in compassion and information. Because they are clueless. Seriously.

[opportunity123]

Wow, thank you so much WCSDancer!, regardless of my results (I go to the doctor tomorrow), this forum has been extremely helpful and the people on here (like yourself and the others that responded) are seriously awesome! Even if I just end up having HPV, this community seems like a great resource for beating the stigma in order to have rewarding relationships. I have been beating myself up since my original diagnosis for so long, telling myself I deserve it and that I was dumb, and never gave myself the chance to use my experience as an opportunity for growth.

 

Regarding the first test, no I have never had oral cold sores, but I also never have had any blisters genitally either. When they called me with the results of the test (about a year ago), they said not to worry and it was only the oral cold sores everyone gets. I asked if I should do anything about it, they said no. I can probably ask the office if they had the level of the original test, hopefully they still do because it was about a year ago. This second experience seems to be somewhat irrelevant now, considering your first answer to my question. Even it was passed genitally, it seems like I would have already developed the antibodies to fight this type off.

 

As for the last part, wow, thank you so much. Framing it in this way helps so much, and translates directly to how I want to help, guide, and serve my patients in the future.

 

"This is YOUR opportunity to look at how all this is affecting you so that your future patients will have someone who accepts whatever way they react to any diagnosis and who is supportive, educational (the definition of Doctor actually is TEACHER, after all!), and compassionate. "

 

Thanks MMissouri again for your response, this forum seems to be pretty well informed spot and given how some people have been treated in the medical community, it motivates me even more to become informed on the subject and change how doctors respond to their patients.

 

I will post another update once I visit the doc, hopefully he is a bit more compassionate this time, but regardless of the outcome I much less nervous going in.