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Orgasms and Outbreaks. I only need one Big O, Thanks.

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Hello All,

Just returned from a trip with my kids. I see that there has been a continuation of the discussion I started on the Disclosure thread. I appreciate the discussion and hope to return to it soon. But, right now, I could really use some support. I am mad as hell. You know all the common triggers? Like sunlight, peanuts, chocolate, coffee, masturbation, booze, and sex? (Yeahhhhh.......the good things in life......)

Well, of all of the above, the ones I hold dearest are masturbation and sex. In fact, if masturbation were an Olympic sport, I would surely qualify for a medal........ ;)  Sadly, I am one of those folks who experiences frequent outbreaks, and even more sadly (in my opinion,) they are easily triggered by masturbation. I used to masturbate 10 times as much (and I wish I were exaggerating). I enjoy toys as well as manual stimulation. I used to have a sex toy biz and I work PT for sex ed events at a local sex toy store here in Milwaukee called The Tool Shed. Vibes are a few a of my favorite things. Unfortunately, I notice that the more intense my orgasms are (and vibes make me come harder than manual stim,) the more freakish and painful the "aftershocks." I have never read a thing about this phenomenon I experience with astounding regularity, but it feels like the nerves in my vulva are having spasmodic convulsions that do NOT feel at all like the healthy release of orgasm. I used to have multiple orgasms in a row each solo session. Now I get nervous to "come again." The nerves after coming feel like erratic and painful shocks. It's really hard to describe in words. All I can say, with great sadness and fury in my heart, is that this experience practically RUINS the pleasant and cozy experience of orgasm moments after the rhythmic contractions end. It's depressing as hell.

I noticed that vibrators exacerbate this phenomenon, so I have recently taken to masturbating like I did in grade school...fully clothed and on my belly. But today, I was outrageously horny and since my man resides on a tiny island in the sea, it was time to get down and dirty with myself. I had an hour long solo session followed by a TREMENDOUS orgasm, shortly followed by 5 lonnnnng minutes of nerve spasms that required me to grab an icepack just to numb the sensation. Now, I'm having prodrome and thinking homicidal thoughts about the guy who bestowed me with the gift. (Remember kids, you can "think" whatever you wish.........)

Anyway, none of this is doing me any good. This is not a rare occurrence for me. This is something that has happened after most orgasms. And my orgasms aren't the same, either. First and foremost, and I apologize if the gory deets are off-putting for some....I used to enjoy penetrative and clitoral stimulation every time I masturbated. I realized that penetration (even well lubricated,) seemed a culprit for prodrome, so I started masturbating mostly externally. SUPER BIG BUMMER. Secondly, I was one of those gals who could ejaculate and have these beautiful, soul shaking, emotional, heady G-spot orgasms. They were truly Amazzzzzzing. Guess what...Haven't had one in over 4 years. The pressure and repetition required for that kind of big-O is more than my body can take without experiencing discomfort.

So...woe is me. Fa realz. 

I am on daily suppressants, recently gave up drinking and coffee, and started exercising regularly. I think stress is a major factor in all of this and diet may be key. Am currently reading "Crazy, Sexy Diet" by Kris Carr who was diagnosed with a rare and incurable form of cancer 10 years ago. She has an amazing attitude and swears by an alkaline diet to deter any form of chronic disease. So my next step (and it's a BIG one) is a 80/20 raw foods diet with supplements of wheat grass juice. Hey, desperate times call for desperate measures. I want my "girl" back, yo. If you have any ideas for me, or have experience or heard of this phenomenon I am calling "aftershocks," I encourage you to chime in. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, but if you have been cursed with this sensation and resulting prodrome or outbreaks, I would love to hear from you. Perhaps we can commiserate. Have a "pity the poor pussy party." Ugh. I don't know. I am so beyond bummed..........

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hey domesticatrix ... Thank you for your openness and sharing all the details. (I personally appreciate the "gory deets" so we can understand what's going on for you.) I could only imagine how this must be. The beauty of sex and pleasure interrupted by pain ... I'm sorry that you're going through this. Just by the sound of your post, you seem like an awesome and fun person. I'm glad you're taking care of yourself and continue your positive outlook.


I've heard about people experiencing pain in their nerves as prodromes, but haven't heard of it post-orgasm like what you're describing. Maybe it's post herpetic neuralgia? (Note: I'm NOT a doctor, so take this with a grain of salt) ... Does that description fit for you? It talks about it being specifically brought on by herpes zoster (chicken pox) and in the later years, but it may have some connection since chicken pox and genital herpes are related. I assume you've talked with someone in the medical field about this? If so, what did they say?

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Hi domesticatrix, Although I have not experienced the same phenomenon, I want to tell you that I appreciate your honesty with your post. Please keep the "gory deets" coming. I think it's helpful for all of us.


I need to express some gory deets myself to get an answer to a question.... I was diagnosed almost 5 years ago with genital HSV1. Bad outbreak the first time - fever, swollen glands, couldn't pee for like 10 days, but since then, I don't know how to tell if I have an outbreak or not. I never see a blister, ulcer or any spot, just redness on one side of my labia. It only lasts a day or two and sometimes I just wonder did I scratch myself during masturbation or in the shower? Doctors & the guy that gave it to me told me that I shouldn't get many outbreaks because I have type 1. However, I consider myself infected and tell potential partners of my infection. And figure I am thankful that my outbreaks have been mild.


Currently, I am feeling heart broken because the guy I have been dating for the past 6 months just can't seem to get past this issue. He just wants to cuddle on the couch. I've been feeling so sexually & emotionally frustrated that I've been trying to break up with him, so far unsuccessfully. I had a boyfriend before him who didn't mind at all that I have Herpes, but I just didn't love him. Ugh! Life seems so unfair.


Anyone out there have any comments about understanding how to tell if you are having an outbreak if you have genital HSV1? And, comments what to do about dating someone that just can't get past my infection? Thanks for any input...

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First off, how does it feel when you consider yourself "infected"? To me, it has me feeling a not-so-nice feeling. I don't like the label (especially if it's self-labeled) of being "infected with a disease." Pay attention to the words you use. Are those really words that you want to use to describe your experience? How does using those words paint your experience? Are you infected with a disease or do you have an annoying little skin condition? Both of those are true depending on how you really look at having genital herpes. I noticed a huge shift in me when I started referring to it and thinking about it in a more self-affirming and healthy way. My relationship with my own herpes changed when I changed the words I used and the attitude I had about it. Read this herpes blog post about the power of words for more on this.


How to deal with your relationship? This is strictly my viewpoint, so take it how you will ... :) Ask him what he needs in order to be able to be intimate with you ... More education, an absolute guarantee that he won't get it, more time to feel comfortable in the relationship with you? What's holding him back? I see this as an opportunity to get on the same page about what is in the way of you two connecting. And to have this conversation without him feeling like he's somehow "wrong" for whatever he's experiencing. Simply be curious about it; care about what he says and why he says it. You genuinely want to understand where he's coming from. Because there is a disconnect: You want to have sex with him and he wants to cuddle. Disconnect. Needs aren't being met. Relationship is all about meeting each others' needs and compromise. The more you two stay on either sides of a wall, the less you'll get what you want out of your relationship.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hello You Two,


I apologize for being absent. I am a full-time student and single mother. It's the end of the semester, we are moving, broke, and living the aftermath of their papa with a serious drug problem. Someone please call Jerry Springer.


Anyhow, I think The H-opp had a lot of beneficial things to say in terms of your relationship as well as the way you think about your herpes condition, nettles. He's spot on. The words we choose can really help or hinder. I think I heir on the side of negative self-talk if I'm having frequent troubles.


In terms of your issues, I TOTALLY get it. In fact, I also had an excruciating first outbreak. Often, I have prodrome (tingles, itchiness, and nerve pain) with no visible signs of outbreak. I go to get it checked out and the docs think I'm nuts. "There are no lesions," they say. "Yeah. Ummm. But my skin in crawling!" Makes me wanna tear my hair out.


In response to H-Opp's question about the potential for post herpetic neuralgia, I have often wondered if I have nerve damage. (And that, my friends, makes me wanna cry a river.) I have mentioned this to docs who ritually shrug off my pain and hand me more Valtrex. This is why I'm modifying my diet and making a spiritual, healing, sensual, and resting place in my new home! I need to regenerate. I have healing potential within me. Need to find a way to tap that the way I used to my favorite fellas! ;)

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Hey domesticatrix! Yep, here's what you do (FYI, I already updated them all for you, but here it is for everyone else):


1. Click on your screen name at the top of the screen


2. Go to "My Preferences" ...



3. Check all the boxes there ...



Bingo! You're all preferenced up! ;)

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...

I also want to add that after a self induced orgasm, I do get intense spasms that are painful, I am afraid it will cause an outbreak but not as of yet. I was taking lysine but then I have read that it can at times bring in an outbreak and I did have a ling outbreak that didn't clear until I stopped wehn o took a course of acyclovir. I have had prodome pain twice now without any sore and eat natural yoghurt for breakfast, drink.nettle and chamomile tea to calm the nerves.and black tea seems to help a lot to ease the prodomes. I don't seem to be to eat chocolate or sunflower seeds daily though.

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